Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

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Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by gHost Spartan on 2017-07-30, 21:00

Fuck it. Had a code red while I was at the beach today. I knew that it was impossible for me to make it all the way to the bathroom in time and the beach was packed. The bathroom was about 500 meters from where we were sitting. Initially, I ran out into the water and tried to shit - I floated but I couldn't loosen up my buttocks to release the feces. It was really fucking weird because I felt it coming out but when I tried to loosen up my buttocks they just tightened up even more with sharp pains in my stomach. I got out of the water and thought okay I can make it to the bathroom. Then it struck again and I truly thought that I was going to shit in my pants right there on the beach. Grabbed my daughter's sand shoved, dug a giant hole, then sat into the hole and pulled my shorts down as I sat into the hole. As I dug the hole I created a deeper reservoir of sorts, kind of like you find in a condom. Once I sat down I pulled a bunch of sand on top of my body, as if to bury myself. Earlier in the day I buried my daughter so even she was helping by heaping sand on top of me with her little bucket.

IT was a weird sensation because once again I had to try to relax in order to shit and initially it was kind of difficult but then it just all came out. OMG.. It was fucking hilarious. People were walking by and I'm buried in sand shitting on the beach! LOL!!! When I was done I made a weird twisting motion under the sand and pulled up my shorts then quickly buried the poop. "Let me get the sand off my body really quick" and I dove into the ocean then wiped my ass underwater with my hand.

OMG I felt so good.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by y2kMgrad on 2017-07-30, 21:08

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by duffy munn on 2017-07-30, 21:14

Never happened.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Herbie Green on 2017-07-30, 21:15

This is some of your best work.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Coconut Sid on 2017-07-30, 21:19

Did you get sand in your vag?
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by LooseGoose on 2017-07-30, 21:34

One of gHost's stranger fantasies.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by DWags on 2017-07-30, 21:52

Raises goose think about the responders. Whatever. Enjoy the night mother ....,,

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by gHost Spartan on 2017-07-30, 21:59

duffy munn wrote:Never happened.
LOL Muffy you say that all the time. Maybe I should text you the pics
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by DWags on 2017-07-30, 22:01

Ghost!


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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by duffy munn on 2017-07-30, 22:27

gHost Spartan wrote:
duffy munn wrote:Never happened.
LOL Muffy you say that all the time. Maybe I should text you the pics

Creepy

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by steveschneider on 2017-07-30, 23:19

How many times have you shit at the beach?

Going off memory but didn't you shit off a boat just off shore at Lake Michigan?
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by The Pantry on 2017-07-30, 23:34

Only shit on a beach once, shortly before heading to State. Labor Day weekend 1977. Drove up to the Thumb with a couple friends to go fishing. One had a pickup with a cap and borrowed his dad's 14' boat and trailer. The other friend borrowed the tiny motor from his dad's duck boat.

We planned to camp somewhere but had made no reservations. Got up there and the campgrounds were all booked so we kept driving around. Found a place to put the boat in the water. Went out in Saginaw Bay. Got out there maybe half a mile to realize we didn't bring an anchor. Fuck it. Fished for a while, catching nothing, then realized we had drifted even farther off shore. Not another boat in sight so we decided we should head back. Tried to restart the duck boat motor and discovered the fuel line was leaking like a sieve...dry rot. Then realized we didn't have any oars in the boat either. Took all three of us to get the boat back to shore...two with both hands on the fuel line to contain the leaking and the other to start the motor and direct us back to shore.

Ended up parked on the side of the road that night next to the bay. Had to take a dump. The beach. Dug a hole and unloaded under the moonlight.

Was a strange and memorable weekend. We had some firecrackers. For some reason we also had a can of Vienna sausages. Forget whose idea it was but we started putting the firecrackers in the sausages and tossing them out the window while driving down M-25. One got fumbled while lighting it and thrown out the window last second. Exploded right in front of the windshield, covering it with Vienna sausage. Wipers just smeared it. Had to pull off on the shoulder to clean it up.

Managed to get a campsite at Port Crescent SP the 2nd night. Sat in the bed of the pickup with the tailgate down and the cap hatch open to watch a wild lightning storm roll over the bay

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by pulling69 on 2017-07-30, 23:46

Smells like bullshit
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Nordic on 2017-07-30, 23:57

gHost Spartan wrote:
duffy munn wrote:Never happened.
LOL Muffy you say that all the time. Maybe I should text you the pics

Pics or GTFO
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by DWags on 2017-07-31, 00:08

gHost Spartan wrote:
duffy munn wrote:Never happened.
LOL Muffy you say that all the time. Maybe I should text you the pics

Pics or ban. TIA.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 01:46

DWags wrote:
gHost Spartan wrote: LOL Muffy you say that all the time. Maybe I should text you the pics

Pics or ban. TIA.


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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by gHost Spartan on 2017-07-31, 08:42

steveschneider wrote:How many times have you shit at the beach?

Going off memory but didn't you shit off a boat just off shore at Lake Michigan?

I took a shit in East Bay Traverse City. Went out on my mom's boat and had a serious code red. Too far from any bathroom. I cut the engine and jumped in the water. Held onto the ladder while shitting. Bunch of little turds were floating circularly around my body as the boat drifted and I held onto the ladder. It was fucking sick.

Took a shit once at Sleeping Bear Dunes but on the beach just south of the dunes. There's a little road that heads over to a beach there. Essentially did the same thing as yesterday but in a more remote area and there weren't hardly any people at the beach.

Probably the worst was when I took a shit in the subway station. I was out at a club one night with friends and someone handed me a joint that was laced with PCP. Obviously I didn't know it was laced with PCP. I lost my friends and ended up tripping hard as fuck in a corner of the nightclub, where I stayed until morning. Then I just walked out and it was like 5am. Lost everything and had no money. Hopped the turnstile and rode the train home. Needed to transfer and waited. Nothing. Had to take a shit. Waiting. Nothing. I didn't realize that the train was out of service for maintenance. Hit me so hard that I pulled down my pants and shit right there on the platform. Wiped with my underwear and walked the rest of the way home.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by gHost Spartan on 2017-07-31, 08:47

DWags wrote:
gHost Spartan wrote: LOL Muffy you say that all the time. Maybe I should text you the pics

Pics or ban. TIA.
Unfortunately my sealable phone bag/compartment doesn't work with iPhone 7 Plus because of the new home button so I didn't take any beach pics yesterday, at least not while I was covered in sand shitting. I have a couple of my daughter and that's it.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Cameron on 2017-07-31, 09:08

I think you need to change your eating habits. An adult shouldn't be having shit emergencies so frequently.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by DWags on 2017-07-31, 09:08

gHost Spartan wrote:
DWags wrote:

Pics or ban. TIA.
Unfortunately my sealable phone bag/compartment doesn't work with iPhone 7 Plus because of the new home button so I didn't take any beach pics yesterday, at least not while I was covered in sand shitting. I have a couple of my daughter and that's it.

But of course. Completely understandable.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by steveschneider on 2017-07-31, 09:09

Cameron wrote:I think you need to change your eating habits. An adult shouldn't be having shit emergencies so frequently.

Or start wearing depends.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by MSU addict on 2017-07-31, 09:17

The beach is just a big litter box - should we call you Cat Boy now?

You have a young daughter - you should now who he is.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by gHost Spartan on 2017-07-31, 11:00

Cameron wrote:I think you need to change your eating habits. An adult shouldn't be having shit emergencies so frequently.
Well, to be fair, all three of these shitting incidents took place over the last 20 years.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 15:55

I hope this story is passed down through the generations until one day, in about a hundred years, gHost's great great granddaughter is building a sandcastle on the very spot where gHost unloaded and little Eunice uncovers his fossilized poo. Maybe they'll drop it in the urn with the rest of gHost's ashes or maybe they'll have it bronzed and placed on the little girl's bookshelf next to her Star Wars 150th Anniversary edition.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Coconut Sid on 2017-07-31, 16:04

tGreenWay wrote:I hope this story is passed down through the generations until one day, in about a hundred years, gHost's great great granddaughter is building a sandcastle on the very spot where gHost unloaded and little Eunice uncovers his fossilized poo. Maybe they'll drop it in the urn with the rest of gHost's ashes or maybe they'll have it bronzed and placed on the little girl's bookshelf next to her Star Wars 150th Anniversary edition.

Dumb.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 16:25

Coconut Sid wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:I hope this story is passed down through the generations until one day, in about a hundred years, gHost's great great granddaughter is building a sandcastle on the very spot where gHost unloaded and little Eunice uncovers his fossilized poo. Maybe they'll drop it in the urn with the rest of gHost's ashes or maybe they'll have it bronzed and placed on the little girl's bookshelf next to her Star Wars 150th Anniversary edition.

Dumb.

My dog says fuck you.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Turtleneck on 2017-07-31, 17:00

tGreenWay wrote:I hope this story is passed down through the generations until one day, in about a hundred years, gHost's great great granddaughter is building a sandcastle on the very spot where gHost unloaded and little Eunice uncovers his fossilized poo. Maybe they'll drop it in the urn with the rest of gHost's ashes or maybe they'll have it bronzed and placed on the little girl's bookshelf next to her Star Wars 150th Anniversary edition.

Brilliant
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:01

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:I hope this story is passed down through the generations until one day, in about a hundred years, gHost's great great granddaughter is building a sandcastle on the very spot where gHost unloaded and little Eunice uncovers his fossilized poo. Maybe they'll drop it in the urn with the rest of gHost's ashes or maybe they'll have it bronzed and placed on the little girl's bookshelf next to her Star Wars 150th Anniversary edition.

Brilliant

My dog says fuck you, too.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Turtleneck on 2017-07-31, 17:05

tGreenWay wrote:
Turtleneck wrote:

Brilliant

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:10

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:10

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:11

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:11

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:12

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:12

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:13

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by tGreenWay on 2017-07-31, 17:13

Turtleneck wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My dog says fuck you, too.  

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Turtleneck on 2017-07-31, 17:15

tGreenWay wrote:
Turtleneck wrote:

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

How would you know? The only beach you go to is at Lake Lansing with the other juggalos.


Last edited by Turtleneck on 2017-07-31, 17:33; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Turtleneck on 2017-07-31, 17:15

tGreenWay wrote:
Turtleneck wrote:

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

How would you know? The only beach you go to is at Lake Lansing with the other juggalos.
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Re: Took a shit in the sand today at the beach.

Post by Jake from State Farm on 2017-07-31, 17:18

tGreenWay wrote:
Turtleneck wrote:

Your dog is a piece of beach shit.

Try again. Dogs aren't allowed on most beaches, dumbass.

Damn, it's not groundhog day is it?

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