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Post by CORNER BLITZ on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 0:46

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Post by CORNER BLITZ on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 0:48

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Post by CORNER BLITZ on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 1:18

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Post by tTy on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 1:26

CORNER BLITZ wrote:

Totall almost gonged this until like 15 seconds remaining.... post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199 post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199 post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199
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Post by tTy on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 1:29

CORNER BLITZ wrote:

lollolololol, couldn't even get through half of this without LOL.
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Post by tTy on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 1:37

CORNER BLITZ wrote:

Joke three, so far.... not even a giggle yet..... trust me, I'm an asshole and love making fun of retards and shit, but this dude is not funny.

Still letting it roll, just out of the goodness of my heart.

It is probably his terrible delivery.

Jew joke. sucked. Not cuz of content, cuz I don't really gaf, but this guy is terrible. gong....
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Post by tTy on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 1:40

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Post by HT on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 10:09

You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.
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Post by indianaspartan on Sun 22 Mar 2015 - 11:23

blanchfest
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Post by Guest on Sat 3 Nov 2018 - 11:42

I read this twice and thought of Greeny both times....
=========
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP!…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog h e makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER…

FASTER…

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

…on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and,

[Wait for it...]

The coffin stops.
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Post by Dendrobates on Sat 3 Nov 2018 - 11:53

What did the guy say when he walked into the bar?











Ouch
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Post by Dendrobates on Sat 3 Nov 2018 - 11:55

Ok Goose...


I did chuckle a little bit on that awful one.
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Post by goodbar on Tue 6 Nov 2018 - 16:03

I have an awesome joke about construction that I'd love to tell you...but i'm still working on it.
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Post by I.B. Fine on Tue 6 Nov 2018 - 16:29

This reminds me, when do we get the rimshot smiley?
post a joke that makes you laugh ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giphy.com%2Fmedia%2F3o72F1bJK4f2aeoUtW%2Fgiphy

post a joke that makes you laugh ?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.minimatemultiverse.com%2Fpublic%2Fstyle_emoticons%2Fdefault%2Frimshot

Don't do it for me, do it for tGreenway, he's not going to be around forever.
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Post by tGreenWay on Tue 6 Nov 2018 - 17:02

I.B. Fine wrote:This reminds me, when do we get the rimshot smiley?
post a joke that makes you laugh ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giphy.com%2Fmedia%2F3o72F1bJK4f2aeoUtW%2Fgiphy

post a joke that makes you laugh ?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.minimatemultiverse.com%2Fpublic%2Fstyle_emoticons%2Fdefault%2Frimshot

Don't do it for me, do it for tGreenway, he's not going to be around forever.

WAIT! WHAT? WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO????
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Post by tGreenWay on Tue 6 Nov 2018 - 17:03

LooseGoose wrote:I read this twice and thought of Greeny both times....
=========
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP!…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog h e makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER…

FASTER…

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

…on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and,

[Wait for it...]

The coffin stops.

post a joke that makes you laugh 1966794946 post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199
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Post by Guest on Tue 6 Nov 2018 - 17:26

tGreenWay wrote:
LooseGoose wrote:I read this twice and thought of Greeny both times....
=========
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP!…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog h e makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER…

FASTER…

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

…on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and,

[Wait for it...]

The coffin stops.

post a joke that makes you laugh 1966794946 post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199


I had an uncle that specialized in jokes like that.   Still think of him when I see/hear one.   RIP Eldon.  

Pictured here at age 82 with his Dad, my grandpa on his 102nd birthday.  Outside of my Dad the 2 men that most influenced me.

post a joke that makes you laugh Eldong10
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Post by tGreenWay on Tue 6 Nov 2018 - 17:39

LooseGoose wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

post a joke that makes you laugh 1966794946 post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199


I had an uncle that specialized in jokes like that.   Still think of him when I see/hear one.   RIP Eldon.  

Pictured here at age 82 with his Dad, my grandpa on his 102nd birthday.  Outside of my Dad the 2 men that most influenced me.

post a joke that makes you laugh Eldong10

So, they’re the guys we blame? Kidding. That photo is old school cool. Thanks for sharing.
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Post by goodbar on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 13:04

LooseGoose wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

post a joke that makes you laugh 1966794946 post a joke that makes you laugh 1486952199


I had an uncle that specialized in jokes like that.   Still think of him when I see/hear one.   RIP Eldon.  

Pictured here at age 82 with his Dad, my grandpa on his 102nd birthday.  Outside of my Dad the 2 men that most influenced me.

post a joke that makes you laugh Eldong10

Very cool.  In my mind the caption to that photo is, "That thing. The thing we discussed the other day about you know who? About what happened? Yeah. Its all taken care of."


Last edited by goodbar on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 14:45; edited 1 time in total
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Post by duffy munn on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 13:56

So a guy calls his boss to tell him he won't be coming to work.

Guy: I can't come in today, I'm sick.

Boss: how sick are you?

Guy: Well, I'm home fucking my sister. How SICK is that!
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Post by AvgMSUJoe on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 13:59

Everyone might know this... probably... whatever.
From my kid.

What's brown and sticky?































a stick.
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Post by AvgMSUJoe on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 13:59

duffy munn wrote:So a guy calls his boss to tell him he won't be coming to work.

Guy: I can't come in today, I'm sick.

Boss: how sick are you?

Guy: Well, I'm home fucking my sister. How SICK is that!
loled
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Post by duffy munn on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 14:52

What's the worst thing a girl can hear after blowing Willie Nelson..........?????


I'm not Willie Nelson.


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Post by Robert J Sakimano on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 15:15

So a guy is working at a local clothing store... kind of a quiet day. A blind dude walks in with his seeing-eye dog. The clerk, being kind of bored, thinks to himself - "huh, I've never seen a blind guy out buying clothes. This should be interesting"... so he just kind of sits back and watches for a minute or two.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the blind man raises the dog's leash over his and head and starts whirling the dog around in circles..

the clerk kind of freaks out.. runs over, doesn't want to be rude.. so he says "umm.. Sir, can I help you with anything"?












the blind guy says, "no thanks.. I'm just looking around".
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Post by tGreenWay on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 15:33

Robert J Sakimano wrote:So a guy is working at a local clothing store... kind of a quiet day. A blind dude walks in with his seeing-eye dog. The clerk, being kind of bored, thinks to himself - "huh, I've never seen a blind guy out buying clothes. This should be interesting"... so he just kind of sits back and watches for a minute or two.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the blind man raises the dog's leash over his and head and starts whirling the dog around in circles..

the clerk kind of freaks out.. runs over, doesn't want to be rude.. so he says "umm.. Sir, can I help you with anything"?












the blind guy says, "no thanks.. I'm just looking around".


Boo! Boooooo!!!
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Post by Robert J Sakimano on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 15:45

tGreenWay wrote:
Robert J Sakimano wrote:So a guy is working at a local clothing store... kind of a quiet day. A blind dude walks in with his seeing-eye dog. The clerk, being kind of bored, thinks to himself - "huh, I've never seen a blind guy out buying clothes. This should be interesting"... so he just kind of sits back and watches for a minute or two.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the blind man raises the dog's leash over his and head and starts whirling the dog around in circles..

the clerk kind of freaks out.. runs over, doesn't want to be rude.. so he says "umm.. Sir, can I help you with anything"?












the blind guy says, "no thanks.. I'm just looking around".


Boo! Boooooo!!!
post a joke that makes you laugh 969504605
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Post by Senior Dickfist on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 16:34

A traveling business man finds himself sitting next to an attractive lady at the hotel bar.  The two strike up a conversation and after a while the business man begins to feel a bit more relaxed and decides to ask some more pointed questions.

Business man: "If I were to pay you a million dollars, would you sleep with me?"

Lady:  (Pauses briefly to consider) "Why, yes, I would!"

Business man: "Well, what if I offered you $10?"

Lady:  "No, what do you think I am, a whore!?"

Business man:  "Listen lady, that's already been determined.  We've moved on to the negotiation phase!"
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Post by tGreenWay on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 18:12

Senior Dickfist wrote:A traveling business man finds himself sitting next to an attractive lady at the hotel bar.  The two strike up a conversation and after a while the business man begins to feel a bit more relaxed and decides to ask some more pointed questions.

Business man: "If I were to pay you a million dollars, would you sleep with me?"

Lady:  (Pauses briefly to consider) "Why, yes, I would!"

Business man: "Well, what if I offered you $10?"

Lady:  "No, what do you think I am, a whore!?"

Business man:  "Listen lady, that's already been determined.  We've moved on to the negotiation phase!"

You’re a traveling business man, did this really happen to you?
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Post by DWags on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 18:14

Man walks into his kitchen with a sheep under his arm. His wife was at the table. Man says, “ look at the pig I’ve been fucking”.

His wife in disgust stands up and screams at him, “ You’re pathetic! And that’s not even a pig!”

Man says, “I wasn’t talking to you”.
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Post by SawGreen on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 18:14

An elderly couple is sitting on their porch swing having celebrated with the family their 50th anniversary.

The old woman suddenly cocks back and punches her husband in the jaw.

The old man recoils and says, "what the hell was that for?"

The woman replies, "That's for 50 years of bad sex."

They go back to rocking for a minute, when the old man suddenly back-hands his wife.

The wife grabs her nose and exclaims, "What the hell was that for?"

The old man replies, "That's for knowing the difference!"
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Post by Robert J Sakimano on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 18:18

DWags wrote:Man walks into his kitchen with a sheep under his arm. His wife was at the table. Man says, “ look at the pig I’ve been fucking”.

His wife in disgust stands up and screams at him, “ You’re pathetic! And that’s not even a pig!”

Man says, “I wasn’t talking to you”.
damn, brah.

#TryingNotToChuckle
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Post by Senior Dickfist on Wed 7 Nov 2018 - 18:36

tGreenWay wrote:
Senior Dickfist wrote:A traveling business man finds himself sitting next to an attractive lady at the hotel bar.  The two strike up a conversation and after a while the business man begins to feel a bit more relaxed and decides to ask some more pointed questions.

Business man: "If I were to pay you a million dollars, would you sleep with me?"

Lady:  (Pauses briefly to consider) "Why, yes, I would!"

Business man: "Well, what if I offered you $10?"

Lady:  "No, what do you think I am, a whore!?"

I can neither confirm nor deny!

Business man:  "Listen lady, that's already been determined.  We've moved on to the negotiation phase!"

You’re a traveling business man, did this really happen to you?

I can neither confirm nor deny!
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Post by Guest on Sun 18 Nov 2018 - 12:16

post a joke that makes you laugh A-wife10
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Post by Guest on Wed 21 Nov 2018 - 18:22

post a joke that makes you laugh Jokema10
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Post by Guest on Tue 4 Dec 2018 - 10:51

post a joke that makes you laugh Condom10
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Post by Robert J Sakimano on Tue 4 Dec 2018 - 10:59

LooseGoose wrote:post a joke that makes you laugh Condom10
post a joke that makes you laugh 502811600
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Post by Guest on Sun 30 Dec 2018 - 10:44

A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read:

*** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.

The redneck guessed ‘8’. The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along w/his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his FREE SEX.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed ‘2’ this time.

The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was ‘3’. You were close, but no FREE SEX this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away FREE SEX."

Bubba replied, "No. it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
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Post by DWags on Sun 30 Dec 2018 - 11:03

Michigan is going to hire Stormy Daniels as their new head coac. Sure she’ll blow a few but she’ll never choke on the big one.
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Post by Guest on Sun 13 Jan 2019 - 10:41

OK, this is horrible but I laughed.


A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her.


"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain said.

Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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Post by aualum06 on Sun 13 Jan 2019 - 10:46

LooseGoose wrote:OK, this is horrible but I laughed.


A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her.


"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.

Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."

"I see," the captain said.

Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Oh that one is hilarious
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