Re: Do I have a botfly?

by **Giant Moose** Wed 3 Feb 2016 - 17:58

Bump so we can get an update.

by **The Pantry** Wed 3 Feb 2016 - 18:09

tGreenWay wrote:
kingstonlake wrote:Shoot it off. Be a man.

No need to go Terminator on it. He's already got the razor, but instead of lancing it open, I say just use the blaze like a lawn mower and cut the whole thing clean off. Your wife can use some sandpaper to soften the edges before putting on the dressing. And use Miracle Whip, not that Hellman's crap.

Fuck Miracle Whip. Like a shitty version of mayo with sugar in it Do I have a botfly? - Page 2 1401550746

by **tGreenWay** Wed 3 Feb 2016 - 18:29

The Pantry wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

No need to go Terminator on it. He's already got the razor, but instead of lancing it open, I say just use the blaze like a lawn mower and cut the whole thing clean off. Your wife can use some sandpaper to soften the edges before putting on the dressing. And use Miracle Whip, not that Hellman's crap.
Fuck Miracle Whip. Like a shitty version of mayo with sugar in it

My sister calls it Michigan Mayonnaise. Do I have a botfly? - Page 2 502811600

by **The Pantry** Wed 3 Feb 2016 - 19:25

tGreenWay wrote:
The Pantry wrote:Fuck Miracle Whip. Like a shitty version of mayo with sugar in it

My sister calls it Michigan Mayonnaise.

Not surprised to hear it's a huge favorite in Ann Arbor. Bleck!

by **Giant Moose** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 11:19

RIP tTy.

by **tGreenWay** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 13:40

The Pantry wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

My sister calls it Michigan Mayonnaise.
Not surprised to hear it's a huge favorite in Ann Arbor. Bleck!

Much like many scummers, she's an east coast snob, takes classes at the CIA for fun. But you and she are wrong about Miracle Whip. It's delicious. It's delightful.

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 20:21

I just got back home from meetings downstate. it's still there...

Also, full disclosure, I once lanced a marble sized clogged pore on my ballsack with an exacto knife so this botfly story is quite possibly far from over. I'll tell that (ball sack cutting) story later. I'm exhausted and going to bed after 6-8 quick beers and some TV watchin.

by **The Pantry** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 20:38

tTy wrote:I just got back home from meetings downstate. it's still there...

Also, full disclosure, I once lanced a marble sized clogged pore on my ballsack with an exacto knife so this botfly story is quite possibly far from over. I'll tell that (ball sack cutting) story later. I'm exhausted and going to bed after 6-8 quick beers and some TV watchin.

Pretty ballsy. Exacto how drunk were you?

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 20:41

tTy wrote:I just got back home from meetings downstate. it's still there...

Also, full disclosure, I once lanced a marble sized clogged pore on my ballsack with an exacto knife so this botfly story is quite possibly far from over. I'll tell that (ball sack cutting) story later. I'm exhausted and going to bed after 6-8 quick beers and some TV watchin.

Quick 6-8 beers. You the man Ty. Do I have a botfly? - Page 2 502811600

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 22:06

Jesus fucking christ. I had this 80% typed out and then my asshole touchbad on my lapper nuked everythign I had typed in and now I'm pissed and going to bed.

ballsack story = tomorrow, now, I guess... stupid fucking laptop. I've tried to turn this fucking touchpad off so that this shit would stop happening, and it keeps happening. Sorry, drunk now....

#DWAGS

by **CORNER BLITZ** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 22:08

fucking tTy

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 22:15

OK, I just got another Two Hearted and I'm not a quitter. I'll try it again. This time, I'm going to type it out in Word and then C/P it into this asshole innernet browser and back up my data along the way. Fuck this laptop.

by **Nordic** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 22:16

tTy wrote:OK, I just got another Two Hearted and I'm not a quitter. I'll try it again. This time, I'm going to type it out in Word and then C/P it into this asshole innernet browser and back up my data along the way. Fuck this laptop.

no one likes a quitter

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 23:08

tTy's drunken genitalia self mutilation/@ home self Urgent Care Clinic story:

OK, so I don't know for certain, but I suspect that many of you older gentleman have experienced an infected hair follicle in your beard, or pubes, or armpit or some shit... and occasionally you get one on your ballsack. It's happened to me a handful of times in my 45 years, and every single time except for one, it just = pretty much the same thing as popping a pimple to evacuate it and you were good. 15 seconds of pain, wipe your fingernail off on a piece of TP, mutter "Jesus, FUCK!" to yourself, pull up your pants and go on your way. No? I can't be the only guy..... I've watched a lot of porn and I have what seems to be the averagist of average looking ballsacks. I mean, it's just a plain ole white hairy ballsack, and this has to be a normal medical occurrence, but I digress. Maybe I am just prone to infected ballsack hair follicles or something. I don't know, I'm just trying to set the scene here.

So, one day, I'm showering and scrubbing down the twig and berries and, whoop, theres a little bump down there where it ain't sposed to be. I finish showering (no happy ending this time due to the fact that I'm already convinced I have testicular cancer or I'm sprouting a second cock or something super wrong is going on down there and I'm too worried to make a shower baby), hop out and dry off and head straight to the mirror to inspect my nuts. Whew.... infected hair follicle, I don't have to get Lanced Armstronged or John Kruked.... Next step is obviously to put my foot up on the sink and grab a hold of that fucker and squeeze it. OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! nope..... Try it again.... OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! nothin.....

Try it again, this time with authority: #$$#%&%$^*$%^@#$^#$%&%^*%$*$%&COCKFUCKING@#%
%&MOTHER#$^#$%BITCH#$%$%^$% DICKASSSFUCKER@#$#$^$%&#&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (nothing)

So I fail to evacuate this little bastard on the first couple attempts, and now I'm hurtin and I figure I'll just let it sit and marinate.... come to a head, and then, SPLAT!!!! GOTCHA BITCH!!! ...and so I go to work and forget about it.

Throughout the day at work, every once in a while I'd feel a twinge down there and, think, you're time is coming, motherfucker, I'mma git ya in a couple hours once I get home. And so, when the time came, I got home, went to the bathroom, dropped trow, put my foot up on the sink, reached down, and that fucker was ANGRY this time. Red, swollen, painful, a little warm to the touch, but there was no head on it, and I knew I was in for a battle right then and there. I tried to squeeze the fucker a couple more times and it was 10 times as painful as it was in the AM, and so I just said fuck it and left it alone for the evening.

I actually ended up leaving it alone for a couple of days hoping that it would come to some sort of head so that I would be confident that I could just burst the fucker and be done with it, but, much like my married sex life, getting head just never happened. It just calmed down in terms of redness and such. It was no longer warm to the touch, and the pain went away pretty quickly after I stopped fucking with it on that first day. So I was relatively assured that I didn't have a raging infection of some sort, and I was good with just waiting this one out to see what happened, because I'd never experienced this kind of thing before.

So, that plan didn't work out because a couple days later, it began getting bigger, albeit very slowly, but that wasn't the worst part. It began getting painful again, and I still wasn't fucking with it at this point. I don't recall exactly, but I probably let it go for close to a week during this phase, and it kept growing more and more painful to the touch, and finally, I am = fuck it, I'm going to have to go in and have someone fix this shit for me and I call my doc to make an appointment. The stupid fat receptionist bitch asked me what I was making the appointment for (probably looking for an answer like "I am sick", or "I have a beer bottle in my ass again" or something) but I just told her "so that I can to see my doctor". That is a direct quote. Fuck you lady, you don't need to know why I'm making an appointment, exactly! You fat whore!!!!! (FWIW, this woman is fat as fuck, a horrible receptionist, and I very much doubt that she is a whore because I can't imagine fucking her, even with a swelled up infected hair follicle ballsack. What I should have thought though was = "****"...."Fat ****".... She is definitely that.) I digress again...

Anyway, I was on the clock now, and getting nervous by the minute. In under 24 hours, I was about to walk into a doctors office and tell him that I have a fucking "thing" growing on my nutsack that he had to make go away. I knew how they make these things go away. They fucking cut them open, and patch them the fuck back up, and so I'm sweating this both literally and figuratively. So I imagine that I was probably already pre-drinnking, since this was "a day in my life", and so I was probably a couple beers at least in, but once my wife went to bed (and she fully understood what was going on, and that I had this appointment to address it, and whatnot), I started hitting the scotch. I had already decided that I was going to try to make this go away on my own and not depend on my doctor to do it for me. Bottom line, think about this guys, if someone is going to go at your nutsack with a fucking scalpel, do you want to have absolute control over this, or do you want to let someone else drive that fucking run away dump truck? Well, I decided that I was going to try to "sack up" and do it myself, so I started drinking scotch like it was my job. I'm pretty good at my jobs....

I got drunk-ish.

OK, so now I'm in the mood to do this, and I go to our junk drawer and find an exacto knife with fresh blades with it. So I install a new blade and heat it up over the gas stove for a minute or two to half ass sterilize the fucker, but also I'm thinking, "dude, even if you don't really sterilize this fucker, you are still probably going to be going at your own nutsack with zero anesthetic to try to evacuate some fucking kind of ballsack cyst, so, is a staph infection really the worst of your worries right meow?" lol, so I sit the fucking exacto knife on the coffee table on top of a couple pieces of paper towel the I plan on using to sop up the mess. Pull my pants down and sit down on the couch..... Look down, and think, "well, lets fuckin do this".

This thing was already raging red, swollen, painful and I imagine = kinda like how a woman feels when she is about to squirt out a baby or something. #JustGetItOuttaMe = our hashtag, ladies, amirite?!?!?!!??!?! So I don't even try to freeze it to kill the pain because it already hurts so badly that sawing on it with a razor blade prolly isn't going to crank it up any more, fuckers, so I start going at it. Pull the skin around it as tight as I could and just used the tip of the exacto knife right on what I perceive to be the very most center/top of this motherfucker. It is surprisingly painless compared to the overall situation. I don't even hardly notice any pain from actual cutting, and I'm only trying to get about a 2.5 millimeter opening in this bitch anyway. At this point, it is probably the size of a good sized jellybean, like the hard part of it that I really, really, REALLY want to go away. I'm just trying to get a small opening to the main reservoir. Anyway, I get through a layer of skin, and still nothing, and I'm pissed because now I have a legit hole in my nutsack skin, and I am going to have to show this to my doctor in 12 hours. So I keep going. Fuck it. I can always cancel the doctors appointment, if I fuck this up, and "go to next steps once sober" (which is normally a good option for someone like me). So I keep on nicking away with the exacto knife, and "POP!!!!", a couple of layers of skin separate in an instant....... but nothing comes out. There is a lot of blood that I have to keep dabbing, but there isn't any nutsack cheese coming out at this point, and so I'm like, "Oh fuck, I do have dick cancer or some shit don't I?!?!?!?!"

I put the exacto knife down and try to stop the bleeding so that I can see WTF is going on down there, oh, and by now I'm beginning to feel some additional pain due to the actual act of cutting my fucking scrotum on purpose. It is not a sight for the weak at heart, it is a damn mess. Oh, I forgot to add that I was sitting on a towel, on a white couch. lmfao...... Luckily the towel did it's job.

OK, so, now I have the bleeding under control, and it's not a LOT of blood, it's just that I can't see exactly what is going on. It is literally only a 2.5-3 millimeter cut. Kinda small until you realize that it is a self inflicted razor blade cut in your own ballsack. It is at this point that I realize that I think I have a shot at squeezing this fucker and evacuating it, finally. So that is what I try...... When it released, it was an immediate relief in terms of pain, but what came out was what I can only describe as Vaseline mixed with a little blood, but it was sticky. It was waxy and didn't mix with the blood, but it was sticky for some reason. I was afraid it was going to stink like hell, but it didn't, otherwise, I probably would have wasted some decent scotch. So I ended up squeezing it a half dozen times and was absolutely astonished by the volume of Vaseline time goo that was coming out of this thing, but it was over in short order once I finally breached the final wall with the exacto knife and went all in with the thumbnails.

So I clean myself up and go to bed, but this story ain't over yet.... I went to my doctors appointment the next day. I might type that out later. I'm getting tired.

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 23:26

I am out of Two Hearted. Just got a Miller Lite, and I'll try to finish this off right here w/r/t to the doctors visit.

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 23:27

Also, I will get my wife to attest to this to WBH just to verify authenticity if even ONE of you motherfuckers doesn't believe every word of this.

by **Nordic** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 23:53

by **DWags** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 23:55

tTy wrote:Jesus fucking christ. I had this 80% typed out and then my asshole touchbad on my lapper nuked everythign I had typed in and now I'm pissed and going to bed.

ballsack story = tomorrow, now, I guess... stupid fucking laptop. I've tried to turn this fucking touchpad off so that this shit would stop happening, and it keeps happening. Sorry, drunk now....

#DWAGS

Light weight. try deep frying a turkey after a good 3/4 of a bottle of bourbon

#challengeyourself.

by **tTy** Thu 4 Feb 2016 - 23:57

So I go to my doctors appointment, roll up to the the stupid fat cunts window, tell her I'm her and she fucking farts and sighs and finishes eating her danish and clicks on a half dozen things on Pinterest and then says in a super lazy fat **** lady's voice "are all of your infomations still correct on this form??? sign here... do you have a copay???"

Fuck you ****, I hate you, die. I go sit in the waiting room.

I have been going to this doctor for over a decade. He is fucking awesome. He also has a wide variety of nurses/assistant/bitches to shuffle patients in and out and shit. Half of them are hot as fuck 20-somethings, the other half are = secretary **** material. Normally, I'm hoping for the hot bitches, but this time, I just want Maude to take me in and get this shit over with and comply to all her HIPPA confidentiality obligations. So guess what I get?

Hottest Nurse comes out and = "TYYYyyyyy...?????" Me = fucking fuck!!!!! #GetsUpWalksToDoorGlancesAtTits and says, "Hey.... How you doin?"

"Fine thanks! Right this way...."

So we stop off in the "Get yer height, get yer weight, get yer BP and pulse" room, and she asks the dreaded question "So, what brings you in here today?" I say "Ehhhh, I'd rather discuss in a little more privacy."

She's totally cool with that answer, and I'm certain that I turned her on with it, because she immediately invited me back to a private room. She shuts the door, turns, flips her long brunette hair, whips off her fake glasses and pops her top...... wait..... no, she shut the door, and then turned and asked me once again, "So, what is it?" (she knows me as a long term patient, and I know her as a long term nurse, BTW. We have dealt with each other before, but never like this.?) So I tell her "I have what I suspect to be an ingrown hair on my scrotum that I need Dr. Kuhn to take a look at." She is totally cool with that, types it into the laptop, and asks me a couple more dump questions like "have you been running a fever" and shit like that, trying to determine if I had a systemic infection, I think, or something..... She then says, "Well, I hope everything is OK. Dr. Kuhn will be in shortly...." and leaves. I hear her plop my chart in the thingy on the door and walk away.

Almost immediately, I hear someone pull my chart out of the thingy on the other side of the door, which never happens in that office, and so I think "SWEET! He isn't running behind and I'll get this over with and get the fuck out of here."

The door opens and it is a super hot blonde chick wearing a Colts jersey, I think. It must have been superbowl weekend now that I think of it, and I just googled it and this must have been 2010. I have never seen this woman before, or since in that office, but she was a fucking knockout. And she wasn't young, per sey, but damn, was she fine. I don't recall how she introduced herself, but she was there in some sort of training capacity from what I gathered. Almost as if she was there as an intern, but that they allowed her to enter first to attempt a diagnosis, exit, consult with the doc, and then the doc would come in to see how they did. Regardless, I was like "WTF?????" So she started her interview....

-So, what brings you in here today?

-Well, I had what I believe to be an infected hair follicle on my scrotum, it was very painful, and I actually lanced it with an exacto knife last night.

-You what?

-I lanced a small cysts on my scrotum last night, and I need doctor Kuhn to take a look at it.

-Why did you do that yourself?

-I was actually more afraid of what might happen here if I didn't.

-OK, I'll go get the doctor.

She had a look of fright and disgust on her face that I will never forget. It was pretty much what I needed at this point because it made me lose my boner for this woman, she was truly hot AF. I still haven't seen her again in that office, and I take my kids there like twice a week now that they are in kindergarten and get sick on a daily basis. I digress once again....

OK, so cut to the doc coming in......

Doc comes in and has the chart in his hand. Like I said, I have been going to this guy for over 10 years and he comes in and is laughing and says "Is this the truth???" I just nod my head. He says, "OK, lets see what you did...."

I drop trow and he immediately says, yup, you had an infected hair follicle and it looks pretty good to me. He palpated it a bit, like for less than 30 seconds, snapped off his gloves, and said "Well, you did a pretty good job, but I think you may have freaked out the help...." and laughed. I was still actually a little mortified and worried about what was going on down under, but reflecting back, LMFAO....

It is at this point that I almost regret to report that the flair up on my back is calming down a bit. I doubt I will ever go to these extremes in this case, but you can always dream. If this fucker turns into a basketball overnight, I'll definitely get the GoPro out and knife this motherfucker.

Thankyou for allowing me to tell this story. Every bit of it is true to the best of my recollection. As I said, I can and will get my wife to attest to this to WBH if it comes to that, but I trust that my word is golden amongst you assholes.

by **DWags** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 0:01

tTy wrote:So I go to my doctors appointment, roll up to the the stupid fat cunts window, tell her I'm her and she fucking farts and sighs and finishes eating her danish and clicks on a half dozen things on Pinterest and then says in a super lazy fat **** lady's voice "are all of your infomations still correct on this form??? sign here... do you have a copay???"

Fuck you ****, I hate you, die. I go sit in the waiting room.

I have been going to this doctor for over a decade. He is fucking awesome. He also has a wide variety of nurses/assistant/bitches to shuffle patients in and out and shit. Half of them are hot as fuck 20-somethings, the other half are = secretary **** material. Normally, I'm hoping for the hot bitches, but this time, I just want Maude to take me in and get this shit over with and comply to all her HIPPA confidentiality obligations. So guess what I get?

Hottest Nurse comes out and = "TYYYyyyyy...?????" Me = fucking fuck!!!!! #GetsUpWalksToDoorGlancesAtTits and says, "Hey.... How you doin?"

"Fine thanks! Right this way...."

So we stop off in the "Get yer height, get yer weight, get yer BP and pulse" room, and she asks the dreaded question "So, what brings you in here today?" I say "Ehhhh, I'd rather discuss in a little more privacy."

She's totally cool with that answer, and I'm certain that I turned her on with it, because she immediately invited me back to a private room. She shuts the door, turns, flips her long brunette hair, whips off her fake glasses and pops her top...... wait..... no, she shut the door, and then turned and asked me once again, "So, what is it?" (she knows me as a long term patient, and I know her as a long term nurse, BTW. We have dealt with each other before, but never like this.?) So I tell her "I have what I suspect to be an ingrown hair on my scrotum that I need Dr. Kuhn to take a look at." She is totally cool with that, types it into the laptop, and asks me a couple more dump questions like "have you been running a fever" and shit like that, trying to determine if I had a systemic infection, I think, or something..... She then says, "Well, I hope everything is OK. Dr. Kuhn will be in shortly...." and leaves. I hear her plop my chart in the thingy on the door and walk away.

Almost immediately, I hear someone pull my chart out of the thingy on the other side of the door, which never happens in that office, and so I think "SWEET! He isn't running behind and I'll get this over with and get the fuck out of here."

The door opens and it is a super hot blonde chick wearing a Colts jersey, I think. It must have been superbowl weekend now that I think of it, and I just googled it and this must have been 2010. I have never seen this woman before, or since in that office, but she was a fucking knockout. And she wasn't young, per sey, but damn, was she fine. I don't recall how she introduced herself, but she was there in some sort of training capacity from what I gathered. Almost as if she was there as an intern, but that they allowed her to enter first to attempt a diagnosis, exit, consult with the doc, and then the doc would come in to see how they did. Regardless, I was like "WTF?????" So she started her interview....

-So, what brings you in here today?

-Well, I had what I believe to be an infected hair follicle on my scrotum, it was very painful, and I actually lanced it with an exacto knife last night.

-You what?

-I lanced a small cysts on my scrotum last night, and I need doctor Kuhn to take a look at it.

-Why did you do that yourself?

-I was actually more afraid of what might happen here if I didn't.

-OK, I'll go get the doctor.

She had a look of fright and disgust on her face that I will never forget. It was pretty much what I needed at this point because it made me lose my boner for this woman, she was truly hot AF. I still haven't seen her again in that office, and I take my kids there like twice a week now that they are in kindergarten and get sick on a daily basis. I digress once again....

OK, so cut to the doc coming in......

Doc comes in and has the chart in his hand. Like I said, I have been going to this guy for over 10 years and he comes in and is laughing and says "Is this the truth???" I just nod my head. He says, "OK, lets see what you did...."

I drop trow and he immediately says, yup, you had an infected hair follicle and it looks pretty good to me. He palpated it a bit, like for less than 30 seconds, snapped off his gloves, and said "Well, you did a pretty good job, but I think you may have freaked out the help...." and laughed. I was still actually a little mortified and worried about what was going on down under, but reflecting back, LMFAO....

It is at this point that I almost regret to report that the flair up on my back is calming down a bit. I doubt I will ever go to these extremes in this case, but you can always dream. If this fucker turns into a basketball overnight, I'll definitely get the GoPro out and knife this motherfucker.

Thankyou for allowing me to tell this story. Every bit of it is true to the best of my recollection. As I said, I can and will get my wife to attest to this to WBH if it comes to that, but I trust that my word is golden amongst you assholes.

Is this Rocky's version of getting a boil lanced?

by **tTy** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 0:13

Rocky wasn't man enough to cut hisself.

by **CORNER BLITZ** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 1:13

tTy wrote: Bottom line, think about this guys, if someone is going to go at your nutsack with a fucking scalpel, do you want to have absolute control over this, or do you want to let someone else drive that fucking run away dump truck? Well, I decided that I was going to try to "sack up" and do it myself, so I started drinking scotch like it was my job. I'm pretty good at my jobs....

I got drunk-ish.

"I only have absolute control wjhen drunk officer."

tTy wrote: I put the exacto knife down and try to stop the bleeding so that I can see WTF is going on down there, oh, and by now I'm beginning to feel some additional pain due to the actual act of cutting my fucking scrotum on purpose. It is not a sight for the weak at heart, it is a damn mess. Oh, I forgot to add that I was sitting on a towel, on a white couch. lmfao...... Luckily the towel did it's job.

blanch wants to know if he can borrow that towel

by **CORNER BLITZ** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 1:13

tTy wrote:So I go to my doctors appointment, roll up to the the stupid fat cunts window, tell her I'm her and she fucking farts and sighs and finishes eating her danish and clicks on a half dozen things on Pinterest and then says in a super lazy fat **** lady's voice "are all of your infomations still correct on this form??? sign here... do you have a copay???"

Fuck you ****, I hate you, die. I go sit in the waiting room.

I have been going to this doctor for over a decade. He is fucking awesome. He also has a wide variety of nurses/assistant/bitches to shuffle patients in and out and shit. Half of them are hot as fuck 20-somethings, the other half are = secretary **** material. Normally, I'm hoping for the hot bitches, but this time, I just want Maude to take me in and get this shit over with and comply to all her HIPPA confidentiality obligations. So guess what I get?

Hottest Nurse comes out and = "TYYYyyyyy...?????" Me = fucking fuck!!!!! #GetsUpWalksToDoorGlancesAtTits and says, "Hey.... How you doin?"

"Fine thanks! Right this way...."

So we stop off in the "Get yer height, get yer weight, get yer BP and pulse" room, and she asks the dreaded question "So, what brings you in here today?" I say "Ehhhh, I'd rather discuss in a little more privacy."

She's totally cool with that answer, and I'm certain that I turned her on with it, because she immediately invited me back to a private room. She shuts the door, turns, flips her long brunette hair, whips off her fake glasses and pops her top...... wait..... no, she shut the door, and then turned and asked me once again, "So, what is it?" (she knows me as a long term patient, and I know her as a long term nurse, BTW. We have dealt with each other before, but never like this.?) So I tell her "I have what I suspect to be an ingrown hair on my scrotum that I need Dr. Kuhn to take a look at." She is totally cool with that, types it into the laptop, and asks me a couple more dump questions like "have you been running a fever" and shit like that, trying to determine if I had a systemic infection, I think, or something..... She then says, "Well, I hope everything is OK. Dr. Kuhn will be in shortly...." and leaves. I hear her plop my chart in the thingy on the door and walk away.

Almost immediately, I hear someone pull my chart out of the thingy on the other side of the door, which never happens in that office, and so I think "SWEET! He isn't running behind and I'll get this over with and get the fuck out of here."

The door opens and it is a super hot blonde chick wearing a Colts jersey, I think. It must have been superbowl weekend now that I think of it, and I just googled it and this must have been 2010. I have never seen this woman before, or since in that office, but she was a fucking knockout. And she wasn't young, per sey, but damn, was she fine. I don't recall how she introduced herself, but she was there in some sort of training capacity from what I gathered. Almost as if she was there as an intern, but that they allowed her to enter first to attempt a diagnosis, exit, consult with the doc, and then the doc would come in to see how they did. Regardless, I was like "WTF?????" So she started her interview....

-So, what brings you in here today?

-Well, I had what I believe to be an infected hair follicle on my scrotum, it was very painful, and I actually lanced it with an exacto knife last night.

-You what?

-I lanced a small cysts on my scrotum last night, and I need doctor Kuhn to take a look at it.

-Why did you do that yourself?

-I was actually more afraid of what might happen here if I didn't.

-OK, I'll go get the doctor.

She had a look of fright and disgust on her face that I will never forget. It was pretty much what I needed at this point because it made me lose my boner for this woman, she was truly hot AF. I still haven't seen her again in that office, and I take my kids there like twice a week now that they are in kindergarten and get sick on a daily basis. I digress once again....

OK, so cut to the doc coming in......

Doc comes in and has the chart in his hand. Like I said, I have been going to this guy for over 10 years and he comes in and is laughing and says "Is this the truth???" I just nod my head. He says, "OK, lets see what you did...."

I drop trow and he immediately says, yup, you had an infected hair follicle and it looks pretty good to me. He palpated it a bit, like for less than 30 seconds, snapped off his gloves, and said "Well, you did a pretty good job, but I think you may have freaked out the help...." and laughed. I was still actually a little mortified and worried about what was going on down under, but reflecting back, LMFAO....

It is at this point that I almost regret to report that the flair up on my back is calming down a bit. I doubt I will ever go to these extremes in this case, but you can always dream. If this fucker turns into a basketball overnight, I'll definitely get the GoPro out and knife this motherfucker.

Thankyou for allowing me to tell this story. Every bit of it is true to the best of my recollection. As I said, I can and will get my wife to attest to this to WBH if it comes to that, but I trust that my word is golden amongst you assholes.

by **Giant Moose** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 6:54

This might be my favorite thread in tSwill's history. Do I have a botfly? - Page 2 502811600

by **SpartanInNH** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 7:20

Giant Moose wrote:This might be my favorite thread in tSwill's history.

God bless America.

by tMysterious #4 Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 17:21

Gott dammmm. Great story.

by **Nordic** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 17:46

I did a thorough check of the scrot in the shower today. Thankfully I won't be needing to call Dr. tTy for surgery. All is clear.

by **Code_Warrior** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 17:53

Jesus God. Do I have a botfly? - Page 2 1966794946

by **Gomer** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 18:07

tTy wrote:I have had this thing growing on my back for like a month and a half. Just had the wife try to squeeze it and it hurts like a motherfucker. I've been drinking, and I'm not a pussy, and my pain tolerance has to be sky high right meow, but she can't pop this motherfucker. I'll post a pic if someone thinks they can diagnose this fucker and give me a solid on how to get rid of it. I'm not against getting pissed off and lancing it with a razor blade if that is what it will take. I just need someone to tell me WTF is going on here.

tTy wrote:

I just want to say that it is probably only the size of a silver dollar, but it feels like a dinner plate. OK, it is tiny, but it hurts like a MFer and is not anything like any other "acne" I've ever had.

Advice?

Vice grips?
Plieers?
Doctor?

I admit, I'd rather just get super drunk and DIY this motherfucker than go see a doctor.

Color me confused, but when did this thing on your back migrate to your scrotum?

EDIT:
Ok... figured out. What's the latest on this monster on your back though?

by **SpartanInNH** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 19:49

SpartanInNH wrote:
Giant Moose wrote:This might be my favorite thread in tSwill's history.

God bless America.

by **Rocinante** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 20:02

God damn my balls hurt.

by **SpartanInNH** Fri 5 Feb 2016 - 20:45

Rocinante wrote:God damn my balls hurt.

Goddamn, Ty, you're killing me. Serious. Do I have a botfly? - Page 2 502811600

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