Relax, it turns out we are immune

Except Bob. Bob is pure and good so he is still vulnerable.

https://bigthink.com/sex-relationships/health-benefits-of-masturbation

Haven't been able too. I.gone.

The gospel of dadsmanboobs clearly tells us that masturbating is a mortal sin. When you are burning in hell for all of eternity because you gave in to your mortal body’s selfish desires you’ll wish that you could just die from a virus. But you won’t ever die you’ll just exist in agony for all time because by pleasuring yourself you have committed a sin that is an affront to the Lord.