Helicopter parents make their kids fat. Science.

Stop being such dicks and let your kids go do shit on their own. You're making your kids fat and turning them into pussies.

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2014/07/18/scientists-helicoptering-parenting-leads-to-overweight-kids/

What are these rocket scientists going to come up with next?

The biggest problem is the parents today negotiating with 3,4 and 5 year olds. Sorry but they don't get a say. Tell them what to do, don't ask them.

Yeah, I agree that is a stupid article. No offense DWags. But duh.

And duffy, I have been preaching that same thing. My kid thinks it's his right to negotiate. I tell him it is not, and I/We will make the rules and he will live with it. Still, it's easier said than done some nights. There are nights when you have to say 'fine, you can take that stupid ninja turtle to bed with you if you will just GO TO BED AND STAY THERE because I can't take any more of you ass or I will lose my sanity'.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Yeah, I agree that is a stupid article. No offense DWags. But duh.

And duffy, I have been preaching that same thing. My kid thinks it's his right to negotiate. I tell him it is not, and I/We will make the rules and he will live with it. Still, it's easier said than done some nights. There are nights when you have to say 'fine, you can take that stupid ninja turtle to bed with you if you will just GO TO BED AND STAY THERE because I can't take any more of you ass or I will lose my sanity'.

I get it but never remember my Dad giving me an option. Unless the option was do what I say or else and that seemed to work just fine.

duffy munn wrote:

I get it but never remember my Dad giving me an option. Unless the option was do what I say or else and that seemed to work just fine.

Of course you don't. No offense, but you probably don't remember life as a 4 year old. I know I don't, and I'm 37. And also, our generations were a bit different. I had a full time nanny called Mom. You probably did, too. Not judging either way. But my wife and I both work FT. So some nights the point of insanity is close. Very close. And you just need to survive to get to the next day. I'm sure I won't remember any of this in 5-10 years and I will look back on these times as fun. But right now....yeah, there's definitely some compromising for the sake of sanity.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

Of course you don't. No offense, but you probably don't remember life as a 4 year old. I know I don't, and I'm 37. And also, our generations were a bit different. I had a full time nanny called Mom. You probably did, too. Not judging either way. But my wife and I both work FT. So some nights the point of insanity is close. Very close. And you just need to survive to get to the next day. I'm sure I won't remember any of this in 5-10 years and I will look back on these times as fun. But right now....yeah, there's definitely some compromising for the sake of sanity.

I'm 51 and had 9 siblings so it was insane all of the time. My Mom stayed at home and pretty much ruled.

I raised by two boys the same way and my wife worked too.

Maybe the 14 years between us is huge but I never negotiated with my kids. I know I'm old school but really believe kids respond better to "do it now !" than "are you ready to go to do it now?".

Oh yeah, I totally agree. And 4 is the age of negotiation (I know this well because my sisters two boys are 2 years older than mine) so I'm in the heat of it now. This little asshole....I often wonder where he gets the nerve to tell me "No!" and then strike a deal. I don't ever compromise on that type of stuff and I put him in his place. These kids are tough sometimes, though. It's rewarding but strenuous. I honestly cannot even imagine someone dealing with 3 or 4+ kids let alone 9. My dad and my wife's dad both had 10 siblings. In-fucking-sane.

Yer doing it right WhiteBoy.  It will pay off eventually.  The constant coddling and giving in to kids seems harmless and is the easy road when they are 3-4 year olds, but that shit gets much worse when they are 7-8 and so on.   I know this because of the way I see other parents  let their kids walk all over them and if the kids dont get their way, they will sit there and fucking whine to no end until they get what they want.    It becomes embarrassing for these parents when a 9 year old acts like they are 3.     I do not tolerate this shit very well.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Oh yeah, I totally agree. And 4 is the age of negotiation (I know this well because my sisters two boys are 2 years older than mine) so I'm in the heat of it now. This little asshole....I often wonder where he gets the nerve to tell me "No!" and then strike a deal. I don't ever compromise on that type of stuff and I put him in his place. These kids are tough sometimes, though. It's rewarding but strenuous. I honestly cannot even imagine someone dealing with 3 or 4+ kids let alone 9. My dad and my wife's dad both had 10 siblings. In-fucking-sane.

You want kids to grow up confident in themselves and secure in their family, so with this negotiating shit just give them two options that you can deal with - it's very simple. Do you want to eat shitty vegetable A or shitty vegetable B? Do you want to practice guitar or clean your room? Just be careful to not let it slide into "Do you want to do your homework or I'll kick your ass."

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Yeah, I agree that is a stupid article. No offense DWags. But duh.

And duffy, I have been preaching that same thing. My kid thinks it's his right to negotiate. I tell him it is not, and I/We will make the rules and he will live with it. Still, it's easier said than done some nights. There are nights when you have to say 'fine, you can take that stupid ninja turtle to bed with you if you will just GO TO BED AND STAY THERE because I can't take any more of you ass or I will lose my sanity'.

There is this couple who has a son. Weve hang out with them for over ten years. Well they are both obese and the son has asbergers. They won't admit it but he has all the signs. Well the kid is now 11 and he's super obese. They just let him do whatever he wants to avoid the obsessing. We are hanging our less and less with them because the mother will not say no and she's turned her kid into a fat slob like her. My daughter is now at that age where she's picking her peer groups and she doesn't want to hang around the kid anymore even though they grew up together because he's embarrassing to her due to the fact that he obsesses and is a video game vidiot. It's sad that the parents negotiate with the kid for everything. We just tell out kids it's our way or too bad. I realize an asbergers kid would be difficult but this kid calls all the shots.

This hovering thing can work both ways though when dealing with the ultimate enemy - the video screen. If left to their own devices kids can sit there all day without need for parental intervention and that can become awfully convenient. So it seems you might need to take an active role to get them outside. It isn't like the old days where kids are running around loose all day playing with each other in the hood. Yes, some of that has to do with over protective parents but in my hood it has a lot more to do with video games. Some parent might have to step up to get a game going because the kids aren't going to do it on their own - despite the fact that no one is stopping them.

If anyone can tell me how to effectively punish a 2 year old, I'd love to hear it. A few weeks ago at the zoo, my daughter wanted to walk up the exit side to ride the camels. A)She just wanted to play on the stairs and B)I know we aren't going to ride the camel, so I told her no, and that we weren't going. She falls to the ground and just starts wailing, in the middle of the park. She wouldn't let me pick her up or move her or anything. I just stood there and let her cry for about 15 minutes (felt like an hour), until I could finally pick her up and carry her out of the park. To be fair, it was about 90 and we had been there for 2.5 hours already and it was near nap time, once in the car and she had a drink, she fell asleep before we left the parking lot.
Going on walks every night is a test that I usually end up losing. She will throw the same fit as she did in the zoo, unless we walk in a certain direction. For now she has won, mainly because I can keep her from the final destination she thinks she is going to, and I just don't want to fight with her that much, while having a dog on a leash, while a few cars go by, after getting home from work.

giving kids choices strengthens their decision-making capabilities, confidence and problem-solving skills.

The key (as Cym Jim seemed to suggest) is to make certain that, whatever choices you provide them with, that those choices are acceptable to you.

or, you could just scream obscenities at them and call them names.. that really enhances self-esteem, too.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:giving kids choices strengthens their decision-making capabilities, confidence and problem-solving skills.

The key (as Cym Jim seemed to suggest) is to make certain that, whatever choices you provide them with, that those choices are acceptable to you.

or, you could just scream obscenities at them and call them names.. that really enhances self-esteem, too.

Offering choices is fine. Mine always included do what I say or sit in your room. After a few times of throwing a fit and crying in their room, they usually did as I said.

Neither kid was scarred and both are fine adults with good decision making capabilities.

Jesus. Just let your kids do shit without you following them around. Let em skin their knees let fall off a fucking monkey bar.

I'm the worst parent in the world but my kids could get to the school playground for a bit on their own when they hit grade school.

They're alive, they've had a couple injuries. But they get that same shit on canoes on the river and shit like that. Problem is helicopter parents keep their kids in the house or fucking yard all day. Wtf?

Oh, and you can bitch at me cause I let them go to the playground with their friends when they were 7&8 and I'll say yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent. But the kids don't seem to weird IMO.

InTenSity wrote:If anyone can tell me how to effectively punish a 2 year old, I'd love to hear it. A few weeks ago at the zoo, my daughter wanted to walk up the exit side to ride the camels. A)She just wanted to play on the stairs and B)I know we aren't going to ride the camel, so I told her no, and that we weren't going. She falls to the ground and just starts wailing, in the middle of the park. She wouldn't let me pick her up or move her or anything. I just stood there and let her cry for about 15 minutes (felt like an hour), until I could finally pick her up and carry her out of the park. To be fair, it was about 90 and we had been there for 2.5 hours already and it was near nap time, once in the car and she had a drink, she fell asleep before we left the parking lot.
Going on walks every night is a test that I usually end up losing. She will throw the same fit as she did in the zoo, unless we walk in a certain direction. For now she has won, mainly because I can keep her from the final destination she thinks she is going to, and I just don't want to fight with her that much, while having a dog on a leash, while a few cars go by, after getting home from work.

I had that exact same experience feeding the goats once. I remember having daily seat belt wars. A lot of the tantrums I couldn't even begin to figure out the cause. Nothing you can do I dont think except try to ignore it. Fortunately my kids did grow out of it.
It is funny they say you will forget all that stuff but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Driving my baby around for 10 miles because she refused to take a nap and gently try to carry her back in only to have her start screaming again the moment I put her down and have to repeat the whole thing all over again.
Come to think of it after losing like 100 battles I eventually lost that war and she was done taking naps by about two. Unfortunately you cant reason with a baby or toddler. So you have to pick your battles as they say.

duffy munn wrote:

Offering choices is fine. Mine always included do what I say or sit in your room. After a few times of throwing a fit and crying in their room, they usually did as I said.

Neither kid was scarred and both are fine adults with good decision making capabilities.

you're a good man and a great Spartan.

If my daughter (sorry Forbin) chooses not to go to MSU (GO GREEN!!), she'll have to choose where she spends Thanksgiving, Winter Break, etc..

it's all about choices.. and those choices must be acceptable to you.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:
or, you could just scream obscenities at them and call them names.. that really enhances self-esteem, too.

That is called coaching.

Tanfan! wrote:

There is this couple who has a son. Weve hang out with them for over ten years. Well they are both obese and the son has asbergers.  They won't admit it but he has all the signs. Well the kid is now 11 and he's super obese. They just let him do whatever he wants to avoid the obsessing. We are hanging our less and less with them because the mother will not say no and she's turned her kid into a fat slob like her. My daughter is now at that age where she's picking her peer groups and she doesn't want to hang around the kid anymore even though they grew up together because he's embarrassing to her due to the fact that he obsesses and is a video game vidiot. It's sad that the parents negotiate with the kid for everything. We just tell out kids it's our way or too bad.  I realize an asbergers kid would be difficult but this kid calls all the shots.

I notice my wife and I choosing to hang out with parents and their kids that have similar parenting styles as our own more and more as the kids get older. Even longtime friends and family get pushed down the list cause i cant stand their brats.

InTenSity wrote:If anyone can tell me how to effectively punish a 2 year old, I'd love to hear it. A few weeks ago at the zoo, my daughter wanted to walk up the exit side to ride the camels. A)She just wanted to play on the stairs and B)I know we aren't going to ride the camel, so I told her no, and that we weren't going. She falls to the ground and just starts wailing, in the middle of the park. She wouldn't let me pick her up or move her or anything. I just stood there and let her cry for about 15 minutes (felt like an hour), until I could finally pick her up and carry her out of the park. To be fair, it was about 90 and we had been there for 2.5 hours already and it was near nap time, once in the car and she had a drink, she fell asleep before we left the parking lot.
Going on walks every night is a test that I usually end up losing. She will throw the same fit as she did in the zoo, unless we walk in a certain direction. For now she has won, mainly because I can keep her from the final destination she thinks she is going to, and I just don't want to fight with her that much, while having a dog on a leash, while a few cars go by, after getting home from work.

I'd walk where the kid wants to walk. What's the big deal?

Sometimes parents are so fired up to be in charge all the time they forget that sometimes it doesn't fucking matter. If she wants to walk one way because she thinks she can get you to go to the playground, then tell her beforehand you can walk where ever she wants but you're not going to the playground. If she freaks the **** out, take the wagon with you for backup, belt her ass in there and haul her home. When you get home, tell her no more walks or no more cookies or TV or whatver her currency is for a week, then try again.

Tyler Durden wrote:
I'd walk where the kid wants to walk. What's the big deal?

Sometimes parents are so fired up to be in charge all the time they forget that sometimes it doesn't fucking matter. If she wants to walk one way because she thinks she can get you to go to the playground, then tell her beforehand you can walk where ever she wants but you're not going to the playground. If she freaks the **** out, take the wagon with you for backup, belt her ass in there and haul her home. When you get home, tell her no more walks or no more cookies or TV or whatver her currency is for a week, then try again.

Appreciate the advice. I really don't mind taking her to the playground, unless I'm not feeling well or I know its closed. Right now there are chains around the entrances. She is in a house all day, so there is some leeway, and it is better than staying in and watching TV. She's also very good 90% of the time, the other 10% are usually because she is tired, hot and/or hungry. I guess my thought process is that I'd like her to follow me outside and that I get to decide where we go. We'll see how it goes, again she's only 2, but I've been told boundaries need to be set early.

The interesting thing is the difference in philosophy between cultures. My wife is Filipina, and they don't believe in punishment until 4 or 5, and actually spoil children until then. At 4 or 5 though, it is almost 180 degree change, and at that point there is punishment and expectations set. I can tell she is nervous about our daughter, because her nieces and nephews are already becoming 'Americanized' and that isn't necessarily a good thing.

Tyler Durden wrote:
I'd walk where the kid wants to walk. What's the big deal?

Sometimes parents are so fired up to be in charge all the time they forget that sometimes it doesn't fucking matter. If she wants to walk one way because she thinks she can get you to go to the playground, then tell her beforehand you can walk where ever she wants but you're not going to the playground. If she freaks the **** out, take the wagon with you for backup, belt her ass in there and haul her home. When you get home, tell her no more walks or no more cookies or TV or whatver her currency is for a week, then try again.

At two, they really don't have any clue what is going on. I would say, ok, no walk. You gotta let them know who's boss or they end up owning you bro.

Tanfan! wrote:

There is this couple who has a son. Weve hang out with them for over ten years. Well they are both obese and the son has asbergers.  They won't admit it but he has all the signs. Well the kid is now 11 and he's super obese. They just let him do whatever he wants to avoid the obsessing. We are hanging our less and less with them because the mother will not say no and she's turned her kid into a fat slob like her. My daughter is now at that age where she's picking her peer groups and she doesn't want to hang around the kid anymore even though they grew up together because he's embarrassing to her due to the fact that he obsesses and is a video game vidiot. It's sad that the parents negotiate with the kid for everything. We just tell out kids it's our way or too bad.  I realize an asbergers kid would be difficult but this kid calls all the shots.

I know most trial lawyers are liberal, but why are you? Nothing I ever hear you say or do suggests you are part of the pussy pc crowd that has ruined this country.

InTenSity wrote:
Appreciate the advice. I really don't mind taking her to the playground, unless I'm not feeling well or I know its closed. Right now there are chains around the entrances. She is in a house all day, so there is some leeway, and it is better than staying in and watching TV. She's also very good 90% of the time, the other 10% are usually because she is tired, hot and/or hungry. I guess my thought process is that I'd like her to follow me outside and that I get to decide where we go. We'll see how it goes, again she's only 2, but I've been told boundaries need to be set early.

The interesting thing is the difference in philosophy between cultures. My wife is Filipina, and they don't believe in punishment until 4 or 5, and actually spoil children until then. At 4 or 5 though, it is almost 180 degree change, and at that point there is punishment and expectations set. I can tell she is nervous about our daughter, because her nieces and nephews are already becoming 'Americanized' and that isn't necessarily a good thing.

I have two girls (8,6) and a boy (3). I quit trying to force them to do stuff because I want them to a long time ago--they are people as well and have thoughts and beliefs that I don't get and won't ever understand. I can't see their world.

That said, we decide bedtime, what they eat, when they do their homework, what chores they do, etc. The smaller stuff doesn't matter to me--my son wants to wear his fireman coat outside in 90 degree heat, go on with your bad self. Experience will be a better teacher than I can in this case. He just needs understands it's his job to pick it up (that's a work in progress btw).

Alternate nights if you want a compromise, she chooses tonight, you choose tomorrow night. Let them win some small battles, save your ammo for the bigger ones.

The_Dude wrote:

I know most trial lawyers are liberal, but why are you?  Nothing I ever hear you say or do suggests you are part of the pussy pc crowd that has ruined this country.

God just shut the **** up, will you? You are so fucking annoying and that picture of the Dude associated with your asinine commentary offends my sensibilities.

Tanfan! wrote:

At two, they really don't have any clue what is going on.  I would say, ok, no walk.  You gotta let them know who's boss or they end up owning you bro.

See we do agree on some things Tanner. I have a friend with 6 and 4 year olds and they completely own her because of what you just pointed out.

She constantly says "please" and "no thank you" to her kids. When they act up, which is always, she calmly tells them they need to make better choices. It doesn't work. Her kids are brats.

I believe kids need and want discipline.

Tanfan! wrote:

At two, they really don't have any clue what is going on.  I would say, ok, no walk.  You gotta let them know who's boss or they end up owning you bro.

I disagree, this is small stuff and not worth the battle. They just have to think you are a little crazy and might go off the fucking handle if they start acting up--save the fights for tantrums, picking up toys, lying, hitting, etc.

Let the two year old have their way once in a while, it isn't a big deal, imo.

Tyler Durden wrote:
I disagree, this is small stuff and not worth the battle. They just have to think you are a little crazy and might go off the fucking handle if they start acting up--save the fights for tantrums, picking up toys, lying, hitting, etc.

Let the two year old have their way once in a while, it isn't a big deal, imo.

Every parent has their own style and I agree about choosing your battles. The most important thing, at least to me, is that the kid knows who is in charge. The second a kid thinks they get to make rules, you're fucked.

duffy munn wrote:

Every parent has their own style and I agree about choosing your battles. The most important thing, at least to me, is that the kid knows who is in charge. The second a kid thinks they get to make rules, you're fucked.

Agree 100%.

Rocinante wrote:

God just shut the **** up, will you? You are so fucking annoying and that picture of the Dude associated with your asinine commentary offends my sensibilities.

Good Lord. Take a chill pill dude. Are you part of the PC crowd that's ruined the country?

The_Dude wrote:

Good Lord. Take a chill pill dude. Are you part of the PC crowd that's ruined the country?

I don't think I have that kind of influence. But you sully the good name if the dude, which is a crime against humanity and my real problem with you. Jeffrey Lebowski would be a much better handle for you.

Rocinante wrote:

I don't think I have that kind of influence. But you sully the good name if the dude, which is a crime against humanity and my real problem with you. Jeffrey Lebowski would be a much better handle for you.

It's an online name bruh. I separate message board fantasy life with real world life and really don't give much thought to people's online usernames. Ya dig?