Worst dump ever?

I'll share my stort from the other board, to kick this off...

About ten years ago, I was on the high school golf team with my buddies. We were practicing for a tournament, and were about to tee off. But something inside me was about to tee off as well. It just DROPPED instantly. That's how my colon works, unfortunately.

I drop my driver and start walking towards the clubhouse, about 100 yards away. The faster I walk, the faster it bangs the doors down. All of a sudden, my buddy sprints past me to the bathroom. He says he has to go, too. There's only one stall in the men's room. Uh-oh...

So he gets in the stall before I do, due to my penguin-walk at this point. I bang on the door and tell him to let me in and GTFO. It's Defcon 1 at this point. No going back.

I try asking him again to get out of the stall and he ain't budging! I look at the two urinals and decide that is my fate. If I get kicked off the team, so be it. It's either that or pooping in the trash can. The course wasn't that busy, anyways, and everyone else was on the course practicing.

I unbuckle my shorts and back into the urinal wall. Grab the side walls and give 'er hell. It was a pretty steady stream of mud-butt. My friend didn't hear anything and asked if I was okay. About 30 seconds later, I knock on his stall and ask for him to hand me some TP! I clean up and flush the urinal a few times. Actually didn't end up too bad! Threw away the TP, washed my hands, and went outside. My friend couldn't believe I crapped in the urinal. He was dying of laughter, and this still gets mentioned over a decade later.

It was pretty funny when South Park had an episode about someone dropping a turd into a urinal a couple of years later..   

Quality thread re-do.

Has anyone heard from the real Spartan Dawg recently?

Not sure if this counts as I wasn't a participant in the activities, but I'll share this story anyways. I played football in high school, and the varsity team would always have team dinner before home games, and afterwards we should chill out in a classroom for an hour or so before we had to start getting ready.

There was a bathroom right across the hall from the classroom we would use, and on one such occasion a bunch of guys on the team get the idea to go use the same toilet as a joke of sorts. Well over a dozen guys, most of them our fat ass linemen (no offense to linemen) went into that bathroom and unleashed their bowels. No flushing of the toilet, just shit after shit stacking up on each other.

You could smell it through the bathroom door. It radiated into the hallway. It was like nothing I had experienced before or since. Those who were brave enough to go into the bathroom to see first hand the unholy desecration lived to regret their decision. I generally have a pretty strong stomach, and I was curious, so I decided to go in.

When I opened that bathroom door (keep in mind this is the bathroom door, not the stall door) the smell was crippling. It was enough to make a grown man's knees buckle. Instant gag reflex kicked in. I still don't know how I didn't puke. I couldn't go more than a few steps into the bathroom and I never came close to seeing what that toilet looked like. I heard from a few guys who had made it all the way in that the shit was actually higher than the toilet seat and some of it wasn't even in the toilet at all.

Sometimes I still think about what the janitor must have thought when he eventually found the mess, and I honestly have no idea how we as a team didn't get punished at all. Cool story, bro.

I'm almost there guys, keep going.....  

I got really bad diarrhea from The Blue Nile Ethiopian Restaurant. I was driving home and knew I was not going to make it. I pulled into the Speedway at Crooks and M-59 to do the damage. I just managed to get my pants down when the flood of death released from my ass. I sprayed the back wall, the toilet,the floor, and the toilet paper roll. I had to use the paper towels next to the sink to wipe my ass. Now, if there had been a mop in there, I would have cleaned up the holocaust, but there was not. I calmly walked out of the bathroom and back into my car and drove away. I have never been back to that Speedway.