Like the dove bar, eating popcorn has always been awkward

Do you guys go for the three finger and thumb grab of like four or five popped flakes, or do you grab a handful and shove it in with a napkin?

Napkin method sounds like something psychopaths would do

You’ve never been drunk and hungry and cooked that shit. But yeah, maybe so.

Three fingers, thumb. All day.

is it proper etiquette to extend your pinky finger while doing so?

Who eats popcorn with a napkin?

Yeah never seen a napkin used

So anyway here’s the back story. My wife and eldest are down in Brooklyn yesterday, I’m stuck going up to Bay City to pick a car up with my business partner. Anyway, I get home at like 9:30 and there’s nothing I want to cook in the house that isn’t frozen. But there is liquor. Well I’m buzzed and drunk and had a salad at 12:10 and now it’s 10 hours later so, I make the corn. Well I don’t know it’s like 11:30 or whatevs and I have pit masters BBQ contest on tv watching it by myself. I am famished. Drunk and not caring. They were smoking a whole fucking pig. I’m just destroying that huge bucket of popcorn. Shoving it in. Well my 18 year old comes home with a couple friends walks by me to her room and looks at me and she says “Jesus dad”. Her friends walk by and chuckle and say “hey mr wags”. Well look man, I’m not an animal. But maybe I was shoving a mouthful in and had some grease on my face. I had the napkin and would wipe my face now and again, but it was bad timing as they walked around the corner and saw me shoving the shit in my mouth. So i meekly say, sorry I’m really hungry as they’re walking up stairs and my kid yells “ya think”? Her friends laugh some more.

Look I was hungry and drunk. No way I was doing the three finger thumb method. I needed food in my mouth and stomach. My point is none of you have ever just shoved that salty buttery goodness in your mouth? You’re lying.

Great story.

I've definitely shoved fistfuls of popcorn in my mouth before, but never with a napkin. Napkin threw me off. I use my extremely noticeably large hands.

Do you shove the Dove bar in with a napkin too?

The shoving was with the left hand the napkin was in my right.

If you don't perform the three-fingered death clamp on warm, salted, buttery popcorn, you probably have a secret affinity for watching "Say Yes to the Dress" when nobody is around.

Jenison popcorn was the best.

I just caught myself eating popcorn by the handful and thought of this thread.

Plus, I’m still thinking about DWags getting food-shamed and laughed at by his daughter and her friend.

DWags wrote:The shoving was with the left hand the napkin was in my right.

I originally thought you meant, like...using the napkin to reach in and grab a fistful of popcorn - which is why I was confused

DWags wrote:So anyway here’s the back story. My wife and eldest are down in Brooklyn yesterday, I’m stuck going up to Bay City to pick a car up with my business partner.  Anyway, I get home at like 9:30 and there’s nothing I want to cook in the house that isn’t frozen. But there is liquor. Well I’m buzzed and drunk and had a salad at 12:10 and now it’s 10 hours later so, I make the corn. Well I don’t know it’s like 11:30 or whatevs and I have pit masters BBQ contest on tv watching it by myself.  I am famished. Drunk and not caring. They were smoking a whole fucking pig.  I’m just destroying that huge bucket of popcorn. Shoving it in. Well my 18 year old comes home with a couple friends walks by me to her room and looks at me and she says “Jesus dad”. Her friends walk by and chuckle and say “hey mr wags”. Well look man, I’m not an animal.  But maybe I was shoving a mouthful in and had some grease on my face. I had the napkin and would wipe my face now and again, but it was bad timing as they walked around the corner and saw me shoving the shit in my mouth.  So i meekly say, sorry I’m really hungry as they’re walking up stairs and my kid yells “ya think”?  Her friends laugh some more.  

Look I was hungry and drunk. No way I was doing the three finger thumb method. I needed food in my mouth and stomach. My point is none of you have ever just shoved that salty buttery goodness in your mouth?  You’re lying.

I love how your 18 year-old takes the name of the Lord in vain. That right there is some good parenting. Oh and so is sitting on the couch drunk as skunk inhaling popcorn.

But yeah, your popcorn eating method is awkward. You have your priorities straight.........