Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!

My dad used to say that a lot and I was always like

Since there's a lot of old balls on here, what ridiculous sayings did your dads have?

Quit dillydallying, boy! Gramma was slow, but she was old.

Faster than two shakes of dead lamb's tail, as my grandma always said.

Shit or get off the pot.

Good enough for the girls I go with.

slicker than a boiled onion.

Hand me that doodad. One of dad's favorite all-purpose words.
I always handed him the tool it looked like he needed at that particular time. Then again, he might have been talking about my penis. He's dead now, so we'll never know for certain.

Gross.

"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom all of the time?!"

One brick short of a load.

Rocinante wrote:Gross.

People are so damn touchy anymore.

Good enough for government work.

If that were a snake, you'd be dead.

Never let a guy in a tennis gang be a Geronte.

"quit farting around"

"he shit in his own mess kit"

"your ass is sucking wind"

"he talks like a man with a paper asshole"...I never quite got that one

"You know why?  I'll tell you why."

And one I still use on my kids.  
Tell them something mundane like "Make sure to lock the car".  
It's invariable answered by "What do you think I am?  Stupid?

He'd respond, "You tell me."

Can't never did anything.

pull my finger

My old man likes to use ****/pussy hair when working on home improvement projects.

"Just shave a pussy hair off it"

"It's a **** hair short"

come over here and pull your pants down

I sent my boy off to college to get a good polish and he came back with a dull shine.

This is going to hurt me more than it does you. (He fucking lied about that every damn time.)

Brock Middlebrook wrote:pull my finger

Too soon.

You look like you got beat with the ugly stick. Get

Rocinante wrote:My dad used to say that a lot and I was always like

Since there's a lot of old balls on here, what ridiculous sayings did your dads have?

So you smothered him when was 82?

Rocinante wrote:My dad used to say that a lot and I was always like

Since there's a lot of old balls on here, what ridiculous sayings did your dads have?

My dad said, "Better than a sharp stick in the eye." He also said stuff like, "Schwartz Creek." (An actual place. He always said it looking my mother in the eye and grinning. I figure it was his way of making her nervous he was going to say "Shit.")

My mother would -- and still does -- say stuff like, "Let me up, I'm all blood," and "I'm going to rip my arm off and beat you with a bloody stump." God, that was disgusting.

"Shut the fuck up you fucking piece of shit."

"Jesus Christ you make me wish I had daughters."

"I wish I woulda made her get an abortion"

Am I doing it right?