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Kirk Cousins can't catch a break: The Random Drug Test Edition

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Kirk Cousins can't catch a break: The Random Drug Test Edition Empty Kirk Cousins can't catch a break: The Random Drug Test Edition

Post by SpartanInNH 2016-03-17, 07:31

For God's sake. No

Thanks to the NFL, Kirk Cousins didn't get much time to celebrate after he signed his $19.95 million franchise tender on March 3. One day after the deal was done, the league made Cousins take a "random" drug test, which got kind of messy.

For one, the Redskins quarterback was at a house that belongs to his in-laws.

Think about how awkward things get when you're usually at your in-laws. Now imagine some guy knocking on the door and asking you to pee in a cup. Oh, and imagine that knock coming at 6:45 a.m.

To make things worse, Cousins apparently had to provide an extra sample because the tester brought a leaky beaker with him.

Kirk Cousins had the most disastrous drug test ever (but he passed)
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Post by NigelUno 2016-03-17, 07:50

While the test was "random", it seems like it would be difficult for him not to know he was getting tested. How would the NFL know where to send the tester?
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Post by Guest 2016-03-17, 08:01

NigelUno wrote:While the test was "random", it seems like it would be difficult for him not to know he was getting tested. How would the NFL know where to send the tester?

If it's like many other drug tests - they call, you tell them where you are and they send a tester out.
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Post by Giant Moose 2016-03-17, 08:12

If only Garrick Sherman was at his in-law's house...but Kirk's family is really religious, aren't they? There might not have been any condoms in that house.
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Post by kingstonlake 2016-03-17, 08:36

I would consider the Redskins drafting RGIII a huge break.
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Post by Robert J Sakimano 2016-03-17, 08:43

testing of athletes is a bizarre thing. I was spending a weekend with a buddy of mine who was an Olympic athlete. He was in a different city than the one he lives in and doping control showed up. I guess he had to keep them informed of his whereabouts all the time.. not sure how it works now, as this was probably about 1991 or so.
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Post by NigelUno 2016-03-17, 08:45

LooseGoose wrote:
NigelUno wrote:While the test was "random", it seems like it would be difficult for him not to know he was getting tested. How would the NFL know where to send the tester?

If it's like many other drug tests - they call, you tell them where you are and they send a tester out.

I guess that would work in most cases...assuming he's in the country and answers his phone at 6:00 am (or whenever they call).
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Post by tGreenWay 2016-03-17, 13:30

Wait until Kirk finds out that that wasn't a League-sent tester, and that it was just a fanboy with a fetish.
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Post by InTenSity 2016-03-17, 13:32

tGreenWay wrote:Wait until Kirk finds out that that wasn't a League-sent tester, and that it was just a fanboy with a fetish.
Bob didn't post that day....Just sayin.
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Post by tGreenWay 2016-03-17, 14:04

InTenSity wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:Wait until Kirk finds out that that wasn't a League-sent tester, and that it was just a fanboy with a fetish.
Bob didn't post that day....Just sayin.


Hmmm... He does ride a bike. That would mean there'd be lots of jostling around of the glass beakers inside his hemp nap sack. One might've cracked.

I'd say this is plausible.
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Post by SpartanInNH 2016-03-17, 20:33

tGreenWay wrote:
InTenSity wrote:
Bob didn't post that day....Just sayin.


Hmmm... He does ride a bike. That would mean there'd be lots of jostling around of the glass beakers inside his hemp nap sack. One might've cracked.

I'd say this is plausible.

Kirk Cousins can't catch a break: The Random Drug Test Edition Plausible-470086_640
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Post by Other Teams Pursuing That 2016-03-18, 02:17

Why can't a football player do drugs?

Do not compute
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