Bachelor's party with married late 30 to 40 YOs

Besides the Bachelor himself, I will be the only unmarried dude at this party in nashville this weekend. Leave tomorrow.

Ftr, it's my osu buddy from Cleveland and his buds and brothers. They never were allowed out with us bc their wife's or gfs forbid it. Probably only partied with these dudes like 3 or 4 times tops in the past 8 years.

Given the demos of this board, what should I expect?

I can only imagine the fun you guys are gonna have. I'm jelly.

Goatees and Troy Smith jerseys?

With nothing to go on other than pussywhipped 30 and 40 year olds, I will say one guy will get too crazy and kill a hooker. Might want to get your own room if you don't have one already.

DWags wrote:I can only imagine the fun you guys are gonna have. I'm jelly.

I know, right?

They'll probably take turns snapchatting their shits to each other.

NigelUno wrote:

DWags wrote:I can only imagine the fun you guys are gonna have. I'm jelly.

I know, right?

They'll probably take turns snapchatting their shits to each other.

My first thought.

Watch Out Pylon! wrote:With nothing to go on other than pussywhipped 30 and 40 year olds, I will say one guy will get too crazy and kill a hooker. Might want to get your own room if you don't have one already.

Got my own room in the house we are airbnbing

DWags wrote:

NigelUno wrote:

I know, right?

They'll probably take turns snapchatting their shits to each other.  

My first thought.  

I can imagine a bachelor party that Blanche shows up to. Everyone is having a good time at the strip club, the guy getting married is brought up on stage and given some special treatment. Everyone is having fun. Blanch shows up late and is pretty drunk. He starts giving the waitresses unwanted shoulder massages. The group gets kicked out. 

Blanch, somewhat incoherently calls the place lame and asks the best man why he brought everyone there. The rest of the night gets really awkward as they jump from bar to bar as Blanch creeps on just about every girl that catches his eye. The rest of the group sits at a corner table, wondering why they invited him in the first place.

Posted this story at tTurd a few years ago:

Ex-BIL had his bachelor party at a hall with most of his relatives there...cousins, uncles, even his dad...so I figure it's gonna be a pretty tame evening. Eat dinner and start playing cards.

Two chicks walk into the room. One of them was very cute but just a little chunky. The other was hotter than hell but had kind of an edgy-angry look to her. Chunky walks through our tables with a big smile, flaring her dress to expose her puss. Turned out a couple of my BIL's buddies hired some hookers.

They go through a dance routine lasting less than 2 minutes before all their clothes are off. They get the groom on the floor and take turns rubbing their snatches on his face and lap dancing him. One goes to unzip his pants but he pushed her hands away and tells them no. They proceed to pull out a doubled-ended dildo that had to be at least 16". With Chunky sitting on his face and Angry grinding his crotch, they each swallow half of the dildo and kiss at the middle. Angry gags, pulls away and pukes a little on the groom...sending him out of the picture to clean up.

Chunky and Angry resumed kissing at the middle of the dildo. It then went puss-to-puss, backward doggy-style. Angry eventually pulled off, pulled the thing out of Chunky and they maneuver to 69. Almost dead silence in the room except for lapping sounds, moans, and heavy breathing.

Angry eventually rolls off the top and asks for a cigar. We had plenty of them. Light one up, she takes a few puffs and puts it in her cooter. Took her a few kegels to get it going but you could see the embers getting redder when she 'inhaled'. She was looking really tired after a few minutes and asked for a cigarette instead. Not sure who smoked the rest of her cigar.

When the show was over Chunky announced they were open for business in the bathroom...$50 bjers, $75 for the cooch, or $100 for a half-and-half.

Watch Out Pylon! wrote:

DWags wrote:

My first thought.  

I can imagine a bachelor party that Blanche shows up to. Everyone is having a good time at the strip club, the guy getting married is brought up on stage and given some special treatment. Everyone is having fun. Blanch shows up late and is pretty drunk. He starts giving the waitresses unwanted shoulder massages. The group gets kicked out. 

Blanch, somewhat incoherently calls the place lame and asks the best man why he brought everyone there. The rest of the night gets really awkward as they jump from bar to bar as Blanch creeps on just about every girl that catches his eye. The rest of the group sits at a corner table, wondering why they invited him in the first place.

And loses his sun glasses.

Watch Out Pylon! wrote:

DWags wrote:

My first thought.  

I can imagine a bachelor party that Blanche shows up to. Everyone is having a good time at the strip club, the guy getting married is brought up on stage and given some special treatment. Everyone is having fun. Blanch shows up late and is pretty drunk. He starts giving the waitresses unwanted shoulder massages. The group gets kicked out. 

Blanch, somewhat incoherently calls the place lame and asks the best man why he brought everyone there. The rest of the night gets really awkward as they jump from bar to bar as Blanch creeps on just about every girl that catches his eye. The rest of the group sits at a corner table, wondering why they invited him in the first place.

Other than the part about me bringing girls to the house, sounds accurate. Lol

The Pantry wrote:Posted this story at tTurd a few years ago:

Ex-BIL had his bachelor party at a hall with most of his relatives there...cousins, uncles, even his dad...so I figure it's gonna be a pretty tame evening. Eat dinner and start playing cards.

Two chicks walk into the room. One of them was very cute but just a little chunky. The other was hotter than hell but had kind of an edgy-angry look to her. Chunky walks through our tables with a big smile, flaring her dress to expose her puss. Turned out a couple of my BIL's buddies hired some hookers.

They go through a dance routine lasting less than 2 minutes before all their clothes are off. They get the groom on the floor and take turns rubbing their snatches on his face and lap dancing him. One goes to unzip his pants but he pushed her hands away and tells them no. They proceed to pull out a doubled-ended dildo that had to be at least 16". With Chunky sitting on his face and Angry grinding his crotch, they each swallow half of the dildo and kiss at the middle. Angry gags, pulls away and pukes a little on the groom...sending him out of the picture to clean up.

Chunky and Angry resumed kissing at the middle of the dildo. It then went puss-to-puss, backward doggy-style. Angry eventually pulled off, pulled the thing out of Chunky and they maneuver to 69. Almost dead silence in the room except for lapping sounds, moans, and heavy breathing.

Angry eventually rolls off the top and asks for a cigar. We had plenty of them. Light one up, she takes a few puffs and puts it in her cooter. Took her a few kegels to get it going but you could see the embers getting redder when she 'inhaled'. She was looking really tired after a few minutes and asked for a cigarette instead. Not sure who smoked the rest of her cigar.

When the show was over Chunky announced they were open for business in the bathroom...$50 bjers, $75 for the cooch, or $100 for a half-and-half.

Reasonable rates. Did they have any takers?

If these guys are on that tight of a leash with their SOs, then they are going to go absolutely fucking nuts.

Blanch32 wrote:

The Pantry wrote:Posted this story at tTurd a few years ago:

Ex-BIL had his bachelor party at a hall with most of his relatives there...cousins, uncles, even his dad...so I figure it's gonna be a pretty tame evening. Eat dinner and start playing cards.

Two chicks walk into the room. One of them was very cute but just a little chunky. The other was hotter than hell but had kind of an edgy-angry look to her. Chunky walks through our tables with a big smile, flaring her dress to expose her puss. Turned out a couple of my BIL's buddies hired some hookers.

They go through a dance routine lasting less than 2 minutes before all their clothes are off. They get the groom on the floor and take turns rubbing their snatches on his face and lap dancing him. One goes to unzip his pants but he pushed her hands away and tells them no. They proceed to pull out a doubled-ended dildo that had to be at least 16". With Chunky sitting on his face and Angry grinding his crotch, they each swallow half of the dildo and kiss at the middle. Angry gags, pulls away and pukes a little on the groom...sending him out of the picture to clean up.

Chunky and Angry resumed kissing at the middle of the dildo. It then went puss-to-puss, backward doggy-style. Angry eventually pulled off, pulled the thing out of Chunky and they maneuver to 69. Almost dead silence in the room except for lapping sounds, moans, and heavy breathing.

Angry eventually rolls off the top and asks for a cigar. We had plenty of them. Light one up, she takes a few puffs and puts it in her cooter. Took her a few kegels to get it going but you could see the embers getting redder when she 'inhaled'. She was looking really tired after a few minutes and asked for a cigarette instead. Not sure who smoked the rest of her cigar.

When the show was over Chunky announced they were open for business in the bathroom...$50 bjers, $75 for the cooch, or $100 for a half-and-half.

Reasonable rates. Did they have any takers?

That was 20-some years ago. Know a few took part, including my BIL's buddies...a couple of which were married at the time.

You ain't lived til you've snorted blow off a hooker's tits.

A bachelor party doesn't even sound fun to me anymore.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:A bachelor party doesn't even sound fun to me anymore.

Yeah cuz who likes hookers and blow?

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:A bachelor party doesn't even sound fun to me anymore.

What the fuck wbh we have to get you out of this funk come out to Denver to visit that lesbian and let's grab a beer and a J

The_Dude wrote:If these guys are on that tight of a leash with their SOs, then they are going to go absolutely fucking nuts.

That's my fear. I'll have to be the voice of reason

Not really a "funk". It's just been there done that 4000x and no thanks. I have a core group of friends I have a great time with but I don't really GAF to spend time away from my kids to pretend to be 22 again with some bros I barely know.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:A bachelor party doesn't even sound fun to me anymore.

Gaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!

The Pantry wrote:Posted this story at tTurd a few years ago:

Ex-BIL had his bachelor party at a hall with most of his relatives there...cousins, uncles, even his dad...so I figure it's gonna be a pretty tame evening. Eat dinner and start playing cards.

Two chicks walk into the room. One of them was very cute but just a little chunky. The other was hotter than hell but had kind of an edgy-angry look to her. Chunky walks through our tables with a big smile, flaring her dress to expose her puss. Turned out a couple of my BIL's buddies hired some hookers.

They go through a dance routine lasting less than 2 minutes before all their clothes are off. They get the groom on the floor and take turns rubbing their snatches on his face and lap dancing him. One goes to unzip his pants but he pushed her hands away and tells them no. They proceed to pull out a doubled-ended dildo that had to be at least 16". With Chunky sitting on his face and Angry grinding his crotch, they each swallow half of the dildo and kiss at the middle. Angry gags, pulls away and pukes a little on the groom...sending him out of the picture to clean up.

Chunky and Angry resumed kissing at the middle of the dildo. It then went puss-to-puss, backward doggy-style. Angry eventually pulled off, pulled the thing out of Chunky and they maneuver to 69. Almost dead silence in the room except for lapping sounds, moans, and heavy breathing.

Angry eventually rolls off the top and asks for a cigar. We had plenty of them. Light one up, she takes a few puffs and puts it in her cooter. Took her a few kegels to get it going but you could see the embers getting redder when she 'inhaled'. She was looking really tired after a few minutes and asked for a cigarette instead. Not sure who smoked the rest of her cigar.

When the show was over Chunky announced they were open for business in the bathroom...$50 bjers, $75 for the cooch, or $100 for a half-and-half.

Sounds like a sane and stable family unit....can't imagine why you wanted out.

The Pantry wrote:Posted this story at tTurd a few years ago:

Ex-BIL had his bachelor party at a hall with most of his relatives there...cousins, uncles, even his dad...so I figure it's gonna be a pretty tame evening. Eat dinner and start playing cards.

Two chicks walk into the room. One of them was very cute but just a little chunky. The other was hotter than hell but had kind of an edgy-angry look to her. Chunky walks through our tables with a big smile, flaring her dress to expose her puss. Turned out a couple of my BIL's buddies hired some hookers.

They go through a dance routine lasting less than 2 minutes before all their clothes are off. They get the groom on the floor and take turns rubbing their snatches on his face and lap dancing him. One goes to unzip his pants but he pushed her hands away and tells them no. They proceed to pull out a doubled-ended dildo that had to be at least 16". With Chunky sitting on his face and Angry grinding his crotch, they each swallow half of the dildo and kiss at the middle. Angry gags, pulls away and pukes a little on the groom...sending him out of the picture to clean up.

Chunky and Angry resumed kissing at the middle of the dildo. It then went puss-to-puss, backward doggy-style. Angry eventually pulled off, pulled the thing out of Chunky and they maneuver to 69. Almost dead silence in the room except for lapping sounds, moans, and heavy breathing.

Angry eventually rolls off the top and asks for a cigar. We had plenty of them. Light one up, she takes a few puffs and puts it in her cooter. Took her a few kegels to get it going but you could see the embers getting redder when she 'inhaled'. She was looking really tired after a few minutes and asked for a cigarette instead. Not sure who smoked the rest of her cigar.

When the show was over Chunky announced they were open for business in the bathroom...$50 bjers, $75 for the cooch, or $100 for a half-and-half.

This story rounds out my understanding of your psychology.

It makes you more human to me and I do not like that.

On the plane now mofos. Hope you all had a wonderful workday. I was ballsdeep at approx 1035 am

So far that looks like the lamest bachelor's party I've ever seen

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:So far that looks like the lamest bachelor's party I've ever seen

Was that you a befriended on snapchat?

Blanch32 wrote:

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:So far that looks like the lamest bachelor's party I've ever seen

Was that you a befriended on snapchat?

Yeap. At least some chicks got involved at some point

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:

Blanch32 wrote:

Was that you a befriended on snapchat?

Yeap. At least some chicks got involved at some point

Alright. See the skinny chick in the black dress? She banged at least 2 dudes, gave another two lappers, and loved to flash her ass. It was nice.


And you realize I have a gf now, right?

Oh, and night #1:


Bachelors mom comes down to suprise the groom to be and crash the party. He's having none of it, but it works out in the end because his jersey shore younger brother, passed out on tequila at like 10 pm and mommy picked him up.

I got "boyfriend" drunk. Ie. I can't pick up chicks, so I have zero use for my senses and need to crash with another dude nicknamed tree, in a twin bed later that night.

So instead of putting my phone in my pocket, I dropped it on Broadway. I only know this is what happened because Trevor called my mom to tell her and ask wtf he should do with my phone. My mother was suprised to learn I was even in nashville and had to play phone tag to find out who I was with. Luckily my sister found my buddy on fb, and got a hold of him to let him know my phone is at the hyatt

Meanwhile I was hungover and worthless until 4 pm. Bachelor went and got it for me.


Day #2

While going to get my phone he left his brother at the bar, and dude proceeded to get boyfriend drunk. He got an uber, but did not arrive. Only his phone did. We then called the cops and went searching for him on foot for like 3 hours.

Dude ended up passing out in a parking garage, and met us at the bar later night after we completely given up hope.


This dick moved prevented his other brother, jersey shore, from having ano orgy with the chicks in my snapchats

Is it mean that part of me is waiting with bated breath for the inevitable crash and burn of Blanch's "relationship"?

Rocinante wrote:Is it mean that part of me is waiting with bated breath for the inevitable crash and burn of Blanch's "relationship"?

I assume you mean marriage, right?