Cheating situation

Got a call from a friend today. He told me his wife admitted to cheating on him with her boss. This really is a friend situation and not me posting as the friend.
Anything I should do? I feel horrible for him. The consummate family man. They have a 7 year old daughter who is best friends with my daughter.
They just built a pool and she spends a lot of $$. She's also bipolar. This is going to suck, good friend of mine.

The only thing I can really say is for him to lawyer up. Good luck to him.

I agree with you death roe. I don't know if they are talking divorce. I don't think he wants divorce. I do think if there is a fight over custody, he should get it. Should I even bring this up, or wait until he does?

He should get legal counsel even if it doesn't lead to divorce. Get stuff documented as much as he can. Receipts, etc.

That's turrible.

I have to imagine he would need to decide 1)if he can trust her moving forward 2)if he can get over it (for the sake of their kid) and 3)if it's worth salvaging (for the sake of their kid)

Otherwise yeah, lawyer up

Every relationship is unique. Maybe she needed to fuck up to know that she really wanted it, or maybe she’s just a flake and a liar. If he really cares he should find out. But yes, lawyer up and get the papers ready. And be transparent about it so that she knows

I’m not sure you want to ask your friend directly if he’s getting a divorce, but a good friend would ask what he’s thinking about doing going forward and offer support in any way possible.
Whether or not he’s considering ending the marriage, it’s a good idea to see a lawyer, preferably a few of the good ones so they’ll have to conflict out instead being able to represent her if the divorce goes forward. There may be things an attorney can suggest that your friend do in terms of preparing for a battle.

Thing is, the wife being bipolar makes even trickier an already sad and difficult situation. If your friend wants to save his marriage, it’s going to require serious commitment and effort from the wife, and a great deal of understanding from your buddy.

Since high school, I’ve had three close women friends who are bipolar. A fourth woman, whom I met in college but don’t know that well, is either bipolar or schizophrenic, When the first three friends were manic, two of the them just wanted to go out and fuck every guy they’d meet. The third had a much harder and more prominent depressive side, and would spend large amounts of time holed up in her house, not doing anything. The fourth woman just up and announced her boredom with her husband and teenage kids and pretty much cast off her family.

I can’t imagine how difficult it would be, being married to someone who is bipolar, nor the effect on the kids. On the one hand, I could easily see wanting to cut bait, but on the other, knowing what I do about the illness, it would be extraordinarily hard to put an end to the marriage when I know a commitment to taking the proper meds might very well keep my wife from ever heading down a destructive path again.

In short, the only person who knows what’s best is the guy going through this shitfest, and he needs to explore his options, one of which is speaking with his wife to find out if she’s willing to stay vigilant in preventing her destructive behavior that might have never happened if not for her mental illness. Unless she’s just a whore, in which case, boot the bitch.

I lived it.

Start hoarding money. Document everything. Take pictures of anything worth money. Don't lie to the kid because the lady will when she tries to turn the kid against you. Don't leave the house. File for divorce first.

And if you're lucky the bitch will die on you like my did even if it took a decade

Also put keyloggers on any electronics that she uses that you have access to. Also gps chip her car.

The boss is a nice touch and really leaves him and her up to blackmail. Get his personal info and let him know that you're getting a divorce and that his wife can expect a phone call. He will be real cooperative.

The worst thing he can do is chase her. He needs to back off and apply no pressure or pursuit. He needs to take care of himself and their kid first and foremost. Also he needs to start doing things with friends and family. Take up hobbies or renew hobbies he's let lapse. Essentially be busy all the time either with their son or other people. She may decide to stay or she may not, he can't control that. But he needs to get mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually strong for himself.

I’m pretty much a loser when it comes to all advice in such matters, that’s why I opt for support instead of advice in these things. If you give the guy advice I’d make sure it’s advice he won’t resent. Ask him what you can do, how you can help, does he needs you to take the kids when you can. Then just listen.

It’s why I’m a loser when it comes to these things. Sucks. Sorry he’s going through this.

InTenSity wrote:Got a call from a friend today. He told me his wife admitted to cheating on him with her boss. This really is a friend situation and not me posting as the friend.
Anything I should do? I feel horrible for him. The consummate family man. They have a 7 year old daughter who is best friends with my daughter.
They just built a pool and she spends a lot of $$. She's also bipolar. This is going to suck, good friend of mine.

Everything is 100% his decision. Never tell him what he should do. Gotta let this play out between him and her. It sounds like she told him? Or did he find out. When I went through it when I was married I knew before I knew. And he probably did as well. He shouldn't push her into fixing it. She has to want to. In the meantime, prepare.

Tigers don't change their stripes.

Show her the road or plan on enjoying seconds for the rest of his marriage.

It always amazes me when women marry a man after an affair and are then shocked when the man has another affair on them. Works both ways.

Thanks guys. I'll talk to his brother and see if he has any advice as well. This is my buddies second marriage. Just sucks because their daughter is so young. They just bought a new house 2 years ago and just finished building a pool as well. I'm freaking out about his financial situation, and honestly think he is better equipped to take care of their daughter than his wife.

InTenSity wrote:Thanks guys. I'll talk to his brother and see if he has any advice as well. This is my buddies second marriage. Just sucks because their daughter is so young. They just bought a new house 2 years ago and just finished building a pool as well. I'm freaking out about his financial situation, and honestly think he is better equipped to take care of their daughter than his wife.

My aunt cheated on my (now ex-)uncle years ago just after they had built a new house. He managed to keep the house in the divorce and also pay for it somehow, and he's remarried and much better off now. Ripping the band aid off sucks, but the sooner the healing starts, the better.

I have no real advice, but I would recommend being more reactive to him than proactively suggesting what he ought to be doing.

I've given my suggestions on a course of action in regards to his cheating whore of a wife.

Now your buddy is going to want to get blackout drunk. You should help facilitate this. Just don't let him make it a weekly habit

Dr. Strangelove wrote:I lived it.

Start hoarding money. Document everything. Take pictures of anything worth money. Don't lie to the kid because the lady will when she tries to turn the kid against you. Don't leave the house. File for divorce first.

All good information, especially hoarding the money. Hide (no bank accounts or safety deposit boxes) as much cash as you can. Also, payoff and/or cancel as many credit cards as you can so she can't run them up.

Interview a number of attorneys. Despite the belief they're all the same, they're all different. Some come off as ultra aggressive "we're gonna fuck her in the ass" and others are passive "just get it over with so I don't have to waste much time in court". The ass fucker charges a lot more than the passive guy. Unless your buddy has plenty of cash, he wants a middle of the road attorney with a reasonable rate.

If there seems to be genuine regret with a remorseful hope of trying to correct things, both couples and individual counseling can be effective. The relationship might never be the same (that might not be a bad thing), but it may be salvageable. I've witnessed couples who have worked through things not unlike this and come out stronger.

It's kind of rare, but it can happen. So many intangible factors that both spouses will need to be firmly committed to. An almost painful, brutal level of honesty and sharp introspection is absolutely crucial.

Best thing you can probably do is listen.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:If there seems to be genuine regret with a remorseful hope of trying to correct things, both couples and individual counseling can be effective. The relationship might never be the same (that might not be a bad thing), but it may be salvageable. I've witnessed couples who have worked through things not unlike this and come out stronger.

It's kind of rare, but it can happen. So many intangible factors that both spouses will need to be firmly committed to. An almost painful, brutal level of honesty and sharp introspection is absolutely crucial.

Best thing you can probably do is listen.

Or he could just say piss on that shit - and go fuck her sister.

LooseGoose wrote:

Robert J Sakimano wrote:If there seems to be genuine regret with a remorseful hope of trying to correct things, both couples and individual counseling can be effective. The relationship might never be the same (that might not be a bad thing), but it may be salvageable. I've witnessed couples who have worked through things not unlike this and come out stronger.

It's kind of rare, but it can happen. So many intangible factors that both spouses will need to be firmly committed to. An almost painful, brutal level of honesty and sharp introspection is absolutely crucial.

Best thing you can probably do is listen.

Or he could just say piss on that shit - and go fuck her sister.

I suspect nothing good could come from that.

Doesn’t deserve any sympathy. If he cant satisfy his wife he has no use.

Bill Cain wrote:Doesn’t deserve any sympathy. If he cant satisfy his wife he has no use.

I passed this bit of advice on. Thanks.

Bill Cain wrote:Doesn’t deserve any sympathy. If he cant satisfy his wife he has no use.

Solid advice from someone who doesn't like to be touched.

The measure of a man is his ability to withstand pain and sacrifice specifically to ones wife, family and country.

My advice is to tell him to stick with her till she takes every inch of his sanctity. Some people are into the whole cuck thing in the 21st century. Don’t hide from it embrace it

Bill Cain wrote:The measure of a man is his ability to withstand pain and sacrifice specifically to ones wife, family and country.

My advice is to tell him to stick with her till she takes every inch of his sanctity. Some people are into the whole cuck thing in the 21st century. Don’t hide from it embrace it

Womp womp

Bill Cain wrote:The measure of a man is his ability to withstand pain and sacrifice specifically to ones wife, family and country.

My advice is to tell him to stick with her till she takes every inch of his sanctity. Some people are into the whole cuck thing in the 21st century. Don’t hide from it embrace it

This whole thread was created because she was already taking more inches than she was supposed to.

at least they didn't build a pool together. then it gets really messy.

InTenSity wrote:
I passed this bit of advice on. Thanks.

Lmao

Am I the only one that thought this thread would be about Kansas basketball?

ce is to tell him to stick with her till she takes every inch of his sanctity. Some people are into the whole cuck thing in the 21st century. Don’t hide

No... No your not.

AvgMSUJoe wrote:

ce is to tell him to stick with her till she takes every inch of his sanctity. Some people are into the whole cuck thing in the 21st century. Don’t hide

No... No your not.

Can’t get cucked if you’re doing the cucking. I’m a backdoor man