Tell bad jokes here

by **Turtleneck** 2023-07-14, 12:10

My computer is super hungover. It did way too many screenshots last night.

by **Robert J Sakimano** 2023-07-14, 12:16

(one of my all-time favorites)..

so a blind dude walks into a clothing store with his seeing-eye dog. The clerk working at the clothing store thinks "wow, I don't think I've ever seen a blind guy buying clothes. How does he even know colors, sizes, etc? I think I'm gonna sit back and watch how this turns out"..

then, out of nowhere, the blind guy picks the seeing eye dog up by the leash and starts slinging him around over his head... the clerk thinks "holy hell, I'd better do something".. he cautiously walks over and goes "ummm... sir? Could I help you"?

and the blind guy goes "no thanks. I'm just looking around".

by **kingstonlake** 2023-07-14, 12:21

To nuts walk into an alley at night.

One was a salted.

by **Dendrobates** 2023-07-14, 12:26

What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

Ouch

by SawGreen 2023-07-14, 13:06

What's brown and sticky?

(a stick)

by **Trapper Gus** 2023-07-14, 13:25

A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender looks at it and says "we have a drink named after you"

The grasshopper says " you have a drink named 'Ralph'?"

by **Trapper Gus** 2023-07-14, 13:45

A couple more dick jokes...

A man came home one day and handed his wife $100.

Where did you get this, she asked.

I won a big dick contest down a Jim's bar, he replied.

You didn't get that thing out in public, she exclaimed

Only enough to win, he replied.

....

Bar has a horse in the corner and a sign above it which says, "free drinks if you can make the horse laugh"

Many tried and they all failed.

One day a man comes in and says, I'll take that challenge. He walks over to the horse and whispers in its ear. The horse burst out laughing and the man gets his free drink.

A week later the same man walks into the same bar. The horse is still in the corner, but it is laughing, and there is a sign that says " free drinks for a year if you can stop the horse's laughing.

The man says, I'll take that challenge.

He walks over to the horse, and with his back to the bar does something.

The horse stops laughing.

The man collects the first of his free drinks from the bartender. As he serves it the bartender says "I have to know, what did you say to make the horse laugh?:

The man says. "I told him my dick was bigger than his"

The bartender says. "So how did you get him to stop laughing"

The man says, "I showed him"

by **Motown Spartan** 2023-07-14, 15:37

What’s red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

by **The Pantry** 2023-07-14, 15:41

5'2"
278 lbs
48X26
BP = 180/136 mmHg
HR = speed metal

by **DWags** 2023-07-14, 15:42

Man walks into his house, carrying a chicken, sees his wife and says, “ look at the pig I’ve been fucking”

Wife says,” you are disgusting and that’s not a pig”.

Man says, “ I wasn’t talking to you”

by **steveschneider** 2023-07-14, 15:43

The Pantry wrote:5'2"
278 lbs
48X26
BP = 180/136 mmHg
HR = speed metal

Cargo shorts, goatee and a sports hat.

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-14, 16:28

What do you call an angry carrot?

A steamed veggie.

by **The Pantry** 2023-07-14, 18:13

An Italian, A Jew, and a Greek...

... all die at the same time and find themselves in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them "You three barely qualify for Heaven. You screw up one time here, and you're going to Hell!"

He tells the Italian "You're a glutton. You eat too much pasta. Have any pasta here, and you're going to Hell!"

He tells the Jew "You care too much about money. Don't even think about getting money here, or you're going to Hell!"

He tells the Greek "You fornicate too much. You'll bugger anything with a hole in it. If you even think about sex, you're going to Hell!"

So the three walk down Heaven's gold-paved streets until they pass an Italian restaurant. The Italian smells the delicious sauce and says "I think I'll have some lunch." The other two tell him "Don't go in there! You heard what St. Peter said about eating pasta!" The Italian says "Aw, they're not going to worry about one little plate of spaghetti."

He goes, orders a plate of spaghetti, and when he takes his first bite, he disappears.

So the Jew and Greek continue their walk. Soon, they see a ten-dollar bill laying on the sidewalk. The Jew walks toward it, and the Greek says "Don't pick up that ten-dollar bill! You heard what St. Peter said about getting money!"

The Jew says, "Aw they're not going to worry about ten measly dollars." So he bends over to pick up the bill, and the Greek disappears.

by **Heat Miser** 2023-07-14, 22:32

How was the circus? It was intense.

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-14, 22:47

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.

by **Turtleneck** 2023-07-16, 23:22

I lost a ton of money investing in an airline company. We built plane bodies with no wings so buyers could save money by custom ordering wings from another manufacturer. Unfortunately, the company never took off.

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-16, 23:27

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way.

by **Turtleneck** 2023-07-16, 23:29

That funeral will cost a pretty penne.

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-16, 23:31

Just sold my vacuum.
All it was doing was collecting dust.

by **Trapper Gus** 2023-07-17, 07:36

Why didn't Darth Vader change the light bulb?

He wanted to stay on the dark side.

by **Motown Spartan** 2023-07-17, 08:01

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the ugly person’s house…
Knock knock
Who’s there?
The chicken…

by **steveschneider** 2023-07-17, 09:18

Orange you glad I didn’t say Go Blue?

by **Motown Spartan** 2023-07-17, 10:48

How do you organize a space party? You planet…

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-17, 11:35

Motown Spartan wrote:How do you organize a space party? You planet…

Boo!!!

by **Motown Spartan** 2023-07-17, 20:24

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-17, 21:46

Bigfoot is often confused with Sasquatch, and Yeti never complains.

by **tGreenWay** 2023-07-17, 22:26

A guy walks into a bar… and lost the limbo contest.

by **Motown Spartan** 2023-07-18, 08:24

What do you call someone that is non-binary and has a mullet?

Billy They Cyrus

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