You ever shit so much that your butthole cramped up?

by Big Ten Referee 2014-04-29, 23:57

I had the norovirus two weeks ago. I crapped so much that my butthole cramped up from all the use. It felt like how I would imagine the morning after a night with Bolley would feel like. I didn't even know it was possible to have anus cramps. I literally had tears in my eyes. I was so desperate that I sparked up a joint that I had rolled for a family member, smoked about half of it (I don't smoke regularly, I'm a caregiver for a couple people, though) and started freaking out because for a moment the sensation was increased ten fold. I can remember asking myself out loud "what the **** did I just smoke?!?! I'm never doing this shit again!!! After about 2 minutes, I was settled down. I fell asleep in the spare bedroom, laying face down with no pillow and the light on. My wife woke me up 2 hours later and my butt was back to normal. Anyone else experience asshole cramps??

by **Rocinante** 2014-04-30, 00:00

There was a lot of information in that post.

by Fallenangle 2014-04-30, 00:03

Once I shat so much that the pile got stacked so high it brushed my balls. Had no clue it was that close or else I'd have done a 2 flusher

by Big Ten Referee 2014-04-30, 00:15

Rocinante wrote:There was a lot of information in that post.

There could have been a lot more.

by **SeeRockCity** 2014-04-30, 00:22

Rocinante wrote:There was a lot of information in that post.

I tried to convey it in a haiku

Virus came I crapped
cramped and cramped it hurt I toked
sleep faced down, no brown

by Throwback702 2014-04-30, 01:19

SeeRockCity wrote:

I tried to convey it in a haiku

Virus came I crapped
cramped and cramped it hurt I toked
sleep faced down, no brown

+1
...and am I an idiot or is there no upvote option on mobile?

by **Ass Dan** 2014-04-30, 05:38

A lot of times if I have to go more than twice in a day, it's a forgone conclusion that my butt hole is gonna bleed from the wiping AND NOTHING ELSE

by Notorious GiB 2014-04-30, 07:29

Big Ten Referee wrote:I had the norovirus two weeks ago. I crapped so much that my butthole cramped up from all the use. It felt like how I would imagine the morning after a night with Bolley would feel like. I didn't even know it was possible to have anus cramps. I literally had tears in my eyes. I was so desperate that I sparked up a joint that I had rolled for a family member, smoked about half of it (I don't smoke regularly, I'm a caregiver for a couple people, though) and started freaking out because for a moment the sensation was increased ten fold. I can remember asking myself out loud "what the **** did I just smoke?!?! I'm never doing this shit again!!! After about 2 minutes, I was settled down. I fell asleep in the spare bedroom, laying face down with no pillow and the light on. My wife woke me up 2 hours later and my butt was back to normal. Anyone else experience asshole cramps??

You do realize that your wife raped you with the strap on. Right?

by The Lonely Stoner 2014-04-30, 08:07

You want to talk about something hurting, I once peed blood out of my anus.

by **Rocinante** 2014-04-30, 08:46

SeeRockCity wrote:

I tried to convey it in a haiku

Virus came I crapped
cramped and cramped it hurt I toked
sleep faced down, no brown

You ever shit so much that your butthole cramped up? 1966794946

You ever shit so much that your butthole cramped up? 1550444538

by LoneWolfSparty 2014-05-20, 23:19

Bump. Just happened.

by LoneWolfSparty 2014-06-03, 21:02

Just did again.

by Crazy Jim9 2014-06-04, 05:04

The Lonely Stoner wrote:You want to talk about something hurting, I once peed blood out of my anus.

Go on...

by Rod Porkmore 2014-06-09, 20:44

I took 5 shits today and I'm not sure I'm done yet. These were actual turd shits, not the runs. My diet has been pretty normal over the past 48 hours.

by **tTy** 2014-06-09, 21:08

I once had the squirts for about 3 or 4 days straight. I ended up with an enormous engorged hemmy that seemed like it was about to burst. I finally got sick and tired of pissing out of my asshole and went to the doc. He told me to put some preperation H on my B-hole to fix the ginormous hemmi and give the hospital a shit sample so that they can figure out what kind of bug had crawled up my asshole and proceeded to wreak havoc upon my tendor little butthole.

So, I shit in a cup, took it to the hospital on like day 5, and by the time I got home everything was back to normal and they called and told me that I was not sick.

Jesus ****. You ever shit so much that your butthole cramped up? 2599972566

You ever shit so much that your butthole cramped up? 2599972566

thanks a fucking lot shitbug.

by Cosmo_Kramer 2014-06-10, 00:02

tTy wrote:I once had the squirts for about 3 or 4 days straight. I ended up with an enormous engorged hemmy that seemed like it was about to burst. I finally got sick and tired of pissing out of my asshole and went to the doc. He told me to put some preperation H on my B-hole to fix the ginormous hemmi and give the hospital a shit sample so that they can figure out what kind of bug had crawled up my asshole and proceeded to wreak havoc upon my tendor little butthole.

So, I shit in a cup, took it to the hospital on like day 5, and by the time I got home everything was back to normal and they called and told me that I was not sick.

Jesus ****. thanks a fucking lot shitbug.

That thing got a hemi?

by LoneWolfSparty 2014-09-05, 17:01

Just did again!

by **Watch Out Pylon!** 2014-09-05, 17:14

I've pulled my taint muscle once before. Not as fun as it sounds.

by **The Pantry** 2014-09-05, 20:13

LoneWolfSparty wrote:Just did again!

Not a cramp! Blood clot in your ass! Go to the ER immediately!

by **DWags** 2014-09-05, 20:34

Watch Out Pylon! wrote:I've pulled my taint muscle once before. Not as fun as it sounds.

Nose started bleeding once from pushing.

by **Motown Spartan** 2014-09-05, 21:34

Have you ever sat on your balls?

by **Turtleneck** 2014-09-05, 23:33

DWags wrote:

Nose started bleeding once from pushing.

Yeah, right. Whatever.

You ever shit so much that your butthole cramped up? Cocaine

by LoneWolfSparty 2014-09-22, 18:42

And also bump.

by **Rocinante** 2014-09-24, 20:22

Holy crap this never happened to me until just now. Fuck you for jynxing me.

by Big Ten Referee 2014-09-24, 22:00

Your butt still aching?

by **Rocinante** 2014-09-24, 22:08

No I'm okay now thanks.

by LoneWolfSparty 2014-12-12, 12:07

I just took a massive dump. I knew it was going to be dangerous to flush so I didn't introduce TP until I did a preventive flush. Still clogged up the toilet so severely that I had to plunge like a mad man before I could even wipe!!

Terrible day. I have to start remembering the half way flush.....

by Larry Kazamias 2014-12-12, 12:48

LoneWolfSparty wrote:I just took a massive dump. I knew it was going to be dangerous to flush so I didn't introduce TP until I did a preventive flush. Still clogged up the toilet so severely that I had to plunge like a mad man before I could even wipe!!

Terrible day. I have to start remembering the half way flush.....

Worst dump ever?

by **Travis of the Cosmos** 2014-12-12, 12:50

LoneWolfSparty wrote:I just took a massive dump. I knew it was going to be dangerous to flush so I didn't introduce TP until I did a preventive flush. Still clogged up the toilet so severely that I had to plunge like a mad man before I could even wipe!!

Terrible day. I have to start remembering the half way flush.....

Scanning through this thread... I'm really worried about your colon.

by LoneWolfSparty 2014-12-12, 12:58

Travis of the Cosmos wrote:
Scanning through this thread... I'm really worried about your colon.

No worries. I eat a ton of fiber.

by 75alum 2014-12-12, 16:10

Sphincter cramps. God awful!

by LoneWolfSparty 2015-04-02, 17:10

Bump. Just did this again.

by HT 2015-04-02, 17:20

I've shit so hard my ass hurt, but it's never cramped up.

by LoneWolfSparty 2015-05-08, 11:13

Oh boy. What I just produced could fill a black hole.

by **Rocinante** 2015-05-08, 12:50

I think they were testing the wrong orifice on you.

by **Tim Wakefield** 2015-05-08, 13:56

Did you have your colon removed?

by **Rocinante** 2016-08-09, 14:37

How's your butthole, LWS?

by TheReal_LWS 2016-08-09, 17:51

Rocinante wrote:How's your butthole, LWS?

Kinda personal, dontchathink?

by **DWags** 2016-08-09, 18:06

I ate corn three days ago I e had about four or five good dumps yet I saw kernels today. Is that right

by TheReal_LWS 2016-08-09, 18:08

DWags wrote:I ate corn three days ago I e had about four or five good dumps yet I saw kernels today. Is that right

Just for clarity, you saw kernals where? The answer will help us answer your last question. For instance, if you at corn 3 days ago, had about 4 or 5 good dumps, then saw corn kernels as you walked through your kitchen, then that is nothing to be alarmed about.

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