Sometimes I just sit on the toilet.

by Masturbates Sat Aug 01, 2015 7:35 pm

Even if I don't have to take a shit, I'll sit and read the internet, sneak in a cup of coffee or a can of beer and just hang out for 20 mins of a closed door and time for myself. It's not that I'm unhappy with marriage, it's just I have to have time alone. The fact that I'm on the can always seems to be a good enough excuse for the wife to leave me alone.

by **CORNER BLITZ** Sat Aug 01, 2015 7:40 pm

And masturbate

by Jethro Bodeen Sat Aug 01, 2015 9:56 pm

I sat there for an hour today reading the news on my Android. My legs fell asleep and I staggered to my couch until the feeling returned.

by **kingstonlake** Sat Aug 01, 2015 10:34 pm

By a riding mower dude

by Masturbates Sat Aug 01, 2015 11:47 pm

kingstonlake wrote:By a riding mower dude

Haha, I was looking for some witty way to chide you for misspelling "buy". I thought, yes a toilet, out in the yard, by a riding mover dude. That's what I came up with. Wa wa wa.

But to your point, a riding mower with a large yard is something I would really enjoy once I meet my financial goals. Haven't made it there yet, but it seems like hanging outside driving around the mower unbothered would be awesome.

by **kingstonlake** Sun Aug 02, 2015 2:03 am

Masturbates wrote:
kingstonlake wrote:By a riding mower dude
Haha, I was looking for some witty way to chide you for misspelling "buy". I thought, yes a toilet, out in the yard, by a riding mover dude. That's what I came up with. Wa wa wa.

But to your point, a riding mower with a large yard is something I would really enjoy once I meet my financial goals. Haven't made it there yet, but it seems like hanging outside driving around the mower unbothered would be awesome.

Your biggest quandary will be to mow more often or BY a bigger yard

by Herbie Green Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:54 am

I am living it up with 2 acres and irritable bowel syndrom.

by **tGreenWay** Sun Aug 02, 2015 11:16 am

If I spend too long on the toilet, I start to hear my dad's voice telling me to shit or get off the pot.
Dad was a classy fuck. Sometimes I just sit on the toilet. 502811600

Sometimes I just sit on the toilet. 502811600

by **GRR Spartan** Sun Aug 02, 2015 12:04 pm

So did Elvis and constipation killed him.

by **steveschneider** Sun Aug 02, 2015 8:25 pm

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** Sun Aug 02, 2015 8:34 pm

Aren't old guys always trying to re-organize the garage just to get the hell away from the wife for a bit?

Same thing, no?

by **GRR Spartan** Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:24 pm

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Aren't old guys always trying to re-organize the garage just to get the hell away from the wife for a bit?

Same thing, no?

No. You leave to buy 12" extension for your 1/2 drive socket wrench you need to change the plugs on your vehicle. Lots of numbers and you can vaporize for a couple of hours. Everyone knows where you are in the freakin' john.

by **DWags** Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:36 pm

GRR Spartan wrote:
Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Aren't old guys always trying to re-organize the garage just to get the hell away from the wife for a bit?

Same thing, no?

No. You leave to buy 12" extension for your 1/2 drive socket wrench you need to change the plugs on your vehicle. Lots of numbers and you can vaporize for a couple of hours. Everyone knows where you are in the freakin' john.

This to a T. Throw some shit at the wife, tell her how important it is, make it seem like the house might loose power if you don't get over to lowes to get something. Boom, 2-3 hour time by yourself. If you like lowes, go shopping there. If you want a beer, go get one, if you're an ass and screwing around on your wife, can do that too. You got 2-3 hours.

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:46 pm

Guys, that doesn't sound fun. And neither does dying alone. I'm at a crossroads.

by **DWags** Sun Aug 02, 2015 10:55 pm

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Guys, that doesn't sound fun. And neither does dying alone. I'm at a crossroads.

Dont' look for the girl, if it happens it happens. Mine turned 50 on me last year, still cool as hell even if she's dumb as shit in football. She'll drink the beer and bitch at the offiials and teams. Still her best line was after a great tailgate and Maxwell not doing well vs. ND just yelling "Why doesn't that fucker just throw it to our guys like Cousins did?". Thing is, she was dead serious.

I have no advice other than that. Dont' look, don't not look, if it happens it happens. Fuck it. It's good and bad I could list them all, but who would care. My good scale still tips more to that side than the bad scale. If it goes the other way, meh, changes will be made.

by **Rocinante** Sun Aug 02, 2015 11:19 pm

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Guys, that doesn't sound fun. And neither does dying alone. I'm at a crossroads.

Just get married to a woman who has lots of friends and leaves you alone sometimes, but don't java kids our you'll be dead before you have fun again.

by FupaTuba Wed Dec 21, 2016 7:34 pm

I just sat on tTurd for an hour to see if anything exciting happened.

Nope.

by **Death Roe** Wed Dec 21, 2016 7:36 pm

FupaTuba wrote:I just sat on tTurd for an hour to see if anything exciting happened.

Nope.

Great. Can you talk about other things besides your grudges from the other board?

by FupaTuba Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:25 pm

Death Roe wrote:
FupaTuba wrote:I just sat on tTurd for an hour to see if anything exciting happened.

Nope.

Great. Can you talk about other things besides your grudges from the other board?

I liked you at the old board. My only grudges currently stand at this board.

1. Tanfan, I'm still eagerly awaiting an answer to a Pm that I've sent him.

2. Muffman, he's yet to accept my friend request.

by **Death Roe** Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:27 pm

Good luck on 1 and 2.

by tanfan! Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:54 pm

Masturbates wrote:Even if I don't have to take a shit, I'll sit and read the internet, sneak in a cup of coffee or a can of beer and just hang out for 20 mins of a closed door and time for myself. It's not that I'm unhappy with marriage, it's just I have to have time alone. The fact that I'm on the can always seems to be a good enough excuse for the wife to leave me alone.

This is what is going to make the swill great again. We need more posters like this. Fucking hilarious. Fuck the RCMB

by tanfan! Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:55 pm

FupaTuba wrote:
Death Roe wrote:

Great. Can you talk about other things besides your grudges from the other board?
I liked you at the old board. My only grudges currently stand at this board.

1. Tanfan, I'm still eagerly awaiting an answer to a Pm that I've sent him.

2. Muffman, he's yet to accept my friend request.

CHECK YOUR PM!!!!!

by Guest Wed Dec 21, 2016 9:04 pm

Masturbates wrote:Even if I don't have to take a shit, I'll sit and read the internet, sneak in a cup of coffee or a can of beer and just hang out for 20 mins of a closed door and time for myself. It's not that I'm unhappy with marriage, it's just I have to have time alone. The fact that I'm on the can always seems to be a good enough excuse for the wife to leave me alone.

Sometimes I just sit on the toilet. C0PfWcVUkAAyiqY

by AnomanderRake Thu Dec 22, 2016 2:56 pm

This is by no means empirical research, but I feel like smartphones increased the length of bathroom trips by at least 50% for me. I used to be efficient, get in and get out. Now I will sometimes forget that I'm even on the can for awhile.

Mileage may vary for others.

by Izzo Court Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:07 pm

Masturbates wrote:Even if I don't have to take a shit, I'll sit and read the internet, sneak in a cup of coffee or a can of beer and just hang out for 20 mins of a closed door and time for myself. It's not that I'm unhappy with marriage, it's just I have to have time alone. The fact that I'm on the can always seems to be a good enough excuse for the wife to leave me alone.

You should try masterbating while taking a shit. A friend told me the timing is hard to nail down.

by Stoops21 Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:16 pm

It's when I have time to look at memes. Usually wastes a half hour at work

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