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Shit my pants at work
by The Pantry 2017-09-26, 12:53
Came on so fast. Last thing I ate was some greasy leftover onion rings last night. No raw dairy products involved.
Gut feels like a chemistry set. Been on the can every 15 minutes the last hour and a half.
Gut feels like a chemistry set. Been on the can every 15 minutes the last hour and a half.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by tGreenWay 2017-09-26, 14:03
Put it behind you, Pantry. This is it; the first day of the rest of your life...
in adult diapers.
in adult diapers.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by The Pantry 2017-09-26, 16:31
Burned through a roll and a half of Charmin Ultra Soft. Feels like my sphincter is on fire. Worse than any post chili day I've experienced
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by NigelUno 2017-09-26, 16:34
tGreenWay wrote:Put it behind you, Pantry. This is it; the first day of the rest of your life...
in adult diapers.
Wednesday is Senior Day at Publix. The diaper shelf always takes a big hit those days.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Rocinante 2017-09-26, 16:56
I like how he had to lie about it not being raw milk related right at the outset. come on dude.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by The Pantry 2017-09-26, 17:54
Wish I had access to raw dairy, dipshit-know-nothing.Rocinante wrote:I like how he had to lie about it not being raw milk related right at the outset. come on dude.
Realized I did lie, though. Got an iced mocha at McDonalds on the way to work this morning. They asked if I wanted whole milk or skimmed. Went with the whole milk of course. What's left of it is still sitting on my desk. I should have it tested.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Turtleneck 2017-09-26, 18:16
The Pantry wrote:Wish I had access to raw dairy, dipshit-know-nothing.Rocinante wrote:I like how he had to lie about it not being raw milk related right at the outset. come on dude.
Realized I did lie, though. Got an iced mocha at McDonalds on the way to work this morning. They asked if I wanted whole milk or skimmed. Went with the whole milk of course. What's left of it is still sitting on my desk. I should have it tested.
I never would have thought you drink those wimpy lib drinks.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by The Pantry 2017-09-26, 18:54
Was in line in the drivethru at Starbucks one sweltering morning last summer and asked myself why I would order a hot coffee. Went for a venti iced doubleshot and got hooked on them.Turtleneck wrote:I never would have thought you drink those wimpy lib drinks.The Pantry wrote:Wish I had access to raw dairy, dipshit-know-nothing.
Realized I did lie, though. Got an iced mocha at McDonalds on the way to work this morning. They asked if I wanted whole milk or skimmed. Went with the whole milk of course. What's left of it is still sitting on my desk. I should have it tested.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by The Pantry 2017-09-26, 19:34
Is there a particular brand you recommend?gHost Spartan wrote:tGreenWay wrote:Put it behind you, Pantry. This is it; the first day of the rest of your life...
in adult diapers.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by tGreenWay 2017-09-26, 20:00
The Pantry wrote:Is there a particular brand you recommend?gHost Spartan wrote:
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by tGreenWay 2017-09-26, 20:02
The Pantry wrote:Was in line in the drivethru at Starbucks one sweltering morning last summer and asked myself why I would order a hot coffee. Went for a venti iced doubleshot and got hooked on them.Turtleneck wrote:I never would have thought you drink those wimpy lib drinks.
Hot black coffee is appropriate in every season, regardless of local temperatures. Nut up.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Other Teams Pursuing That 2017-09-26, 20:21
Iced coffee is the way to go. Getting a hot coffee in the summer is just moron boomer behavior.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Turtleneck 2017-09-26, 20:44
Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Iced coffee is the way to go. Getting a hot coffee in the summer is just moron boomer behavior.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by y2kMgrad 2017-09-26, 21:31
I haven't had an iced coffee in years. Might have to try one tomorrow.
Also RIP ta ya pants.
Also RIP ta ya pants.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by DWags 2017-09-26, 21:39
Well that stinks Pantry. Hope you feel better and can just leave this mess behind you.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Other Teams Pursuing That 2017-09-26, 22:18
This is what I have to look forward to? Shitting myself at work?
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by tGreenWay 2017-09-27, 00:38
Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Iced coffee is the way to go. Getting a hot coffee in the summer is just moron boomer behavior.
Does your mom stir in the cream and sugar for you?
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Other Teams Pursuing That 2017-09-27, 00:55
tGreenWay wrote:Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Iced coffee is the way to go. Getting a hot coffee in the summer is just moron boomer behavior.
Does your mom stir in the cream and sugar for you?
50-50 I'm putting cream in it. Not sure what my mother has to do with this conversation though. It would make more sense if I asked you people if your mom should start reminding you to wipe your ass.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Rocinante 2017-09-27, 11:00
Always drink coffee hot in the morning. What the fuck is wrong with people. I will not begrudge you an afternoon iced coffee, but what the fuck man?
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by The Pantry 2020-11-03, 20:43
Not at work this time but have final election results.
Went to pee. Everything seemed normal so went to fart, multi-tasking.
I predict a Biden win via the unanticipated mud butt.
Went to pee. Everything seemed normal so went to fart, multi-tasking.
I predict a Biden win via the unanticipated mud butt.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by tGreenWay 2020-11-03, 20:49
Mods, please change the thread title to “tOfficial Pantry pooped his pants again”
Thanks a pantsful.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Turtleneck 2020-11-03, 20:57
Again, way too comfortable with each other.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Nordic 2020-11-03, 20:58
Just had an explosive bout. Sorry about the tacos Travis.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Turtleneck 2020-11-03, 21:05
I wish this would have all happened in Motown's car tonight.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Dendrobates 2020-11-03, 21:06
Turtleneck wrote:Again, way too comfortable with each other.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Bill Cain 2020-11-03, 21:30
-Walking in a State Park at night during the summer months 3 years ago after work
-get to a brisk walk
-start walking to “campground”
-stomach starts growling
-“oh shittttt oh shittt”
-continue to walk to campground in woods, hopefully there is a bathroom somewhere near
-“do I shit in the woods?”
-see people walking near me
-“can’t shit in the woods, there are people here that will see. That’s illegal”
-turn around
-“ohh goddd Hott hott”
-walking on tippy toes now
-“where the fuck are the bathrooms?”
- oh god oh god
-finally see the parking area
-there are bathrooms there
-no lights anywhere
-I’m about to explode
-each step is a struggle getting to the bathroom
-finally reach the bathroom
-oh my god! Oh my god!
-open the bathroom stall
-see the toilet
-pull down my trousers
-“AHHHHhhhhhhhH!”
-I exploded...
-all over the backsplash of the toilet
-“OH no! Oh no!
-shit is on my t shirt
-I’m unrolling toilet paper trying to get all the poop off the seat
-all of a sudden I hear...
-“SIR! WE ARE CLOSED! THERE ARE SIGNS EVERYWHERE!”
-“oh....I....um didn know”
-I cleaned the shit off the entire backsplash getting it all over my hands
-toilet looks good as new. Great
-I gave myself a half wipe and walked out
-feeling a wet anus in my sweatpants throughout my entire ride home with poop on my shirt
Note to the wise. Make sure you relieve yourself before going for a walk in a place that doesn’t have bathrooms
-get to a brisk walk
-start walking to “campground”
-stomach starts growling
-“oh shittttt oh shittt”
-continue to walk to campground in woods, hopefully there is a bathroom somewhere near
-“do I shit in the woods?”
-see people walking near me
-“can’t shit in the woods, there are people here that will see. That’s illegal”
-turn around
-“ohh goddd Hott hott”
-walking on tippy toes now
-“where the fuck are the bathrooms?”
- oh god oh god
-finally see the parking area
-there are bathrooms there
-no lights anywhere
-I’m about to explode
-each step is a struggle getting to the bathroom
-finally reach the bathroom
-oh my god! Oh my god!
-open the bathroom stall
-see the toilet
-pull down my trousers
-“AHHHHhhhhhhhH!”
-I exploded...
-all over the backsplash of the toilet
-“OH no! Oh no!
-shit is on my t shirt
-I’m unrolling toilet paper trying to get all the poop off the seat
-all of a sudden I hear...
-“SIR! WE ARE CLOSED! THERE ARE SIGNS EVERYWHERE!”
-“oh....I....um didn know”
-I cleaned the shit off the entire backsplash getting it all over my hands
-toilet looks good as new. Great
-I gave myself a half wipe and walked out
-feeling a wet anus in my sweatpants throughout my entire ride home with poop on my shirt
Note to the wise. Make sure you relieve yourself before going for a walk in a place that doesn’t have bathrooms
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by DWags 2020-11-04, 00:24
I mean cast the first stone if you’ve never shit your pants at work.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Turtleneck 2020-11-04, 00:31
DWags wrote:I mean cast the first stone if you’ve never shit your pants at work.
Must be a boomer thing. Do you carry a clean pair of underpants or just leave work?
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by DWags 2020-11-04, 00:41
Turtleneck wrote:DWags wrote:I mean cast the first stone if you’ve never shit your pants at work.
Must be a boomer thing. Do you carry a clean pair of underpants or just leave work?
Depends what time of day and how much work I have left.
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Re: Shit my pants at work
by Motown Spartan 2020-11-04, 01:46
DWags wrote:Turtleneck wrote:
Must be a boomer thing. Do you carry a clean pair of underpants or just leave work?
Depends
FIFY
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