Joke Time

by **Nordic** 2016-03-31, 12:13

A lady walks into a grocery store, she picks up a few items and proceeds to the 10 items or less lane to check out.

The checkout guys says: "You must be single"

Lady: "Why yes, how did you know? Is it because of the Cosmopolitan magazine?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "The frozen dinners?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "Is it the cucumber?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "The feminine products?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "The strawberries?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "The bacon and organic eggs?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "My make-up?"

Checkout guy: "No"

Lady: "Then how did you know?"

Checkout guy: {pause}

"BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING UGLY!"

{mic drop}

by **Ass Dan** 2016-03-31, 12:40

really dude? (SRC)

by **Nordic** 2016-03-31, 14:20

A man has get get across the desert fast and he's desperate. So he heads over to the local camel rental shop. The camel rentalman says, "Sorry, we are out of camels at the moment".

The guy looks across the camel yard and sees a fine looking bull camel and asks, "there is a camel right there, what is wrong with that one?"

Camel rentalman: "Sir, you don't want that camel, he's a stubborn bastard."

Guy: "Bro, I need to get across this desert pronto. I'll take that one."

Camel rentalman: "Alright, but there is something you should know about him. If he stops and won't move, you might to have to jerk him off to get him going again."

Guy: "Wait. What? Bullshit. Whatever, I'll take him".

So he heads off across the dessert on the camel's back. About 50 miles in the camel stops. The guy jumps off tries to give him some food, water, kicks it in the ass... nothing. He looks the camel in the eyes and gives it a jerk off motion with his hand. The camel gives him a nod 'yes'. Disgusted the guy hops under the camel and goes to work. Shortly after they are on the way again.

Lather, rinse and repeat about every 50 miles or so. Then as they are smack dab in the middle of the desert the camel stops again. The guy jumps off and is tired of this little game. He sneers into the camel's eyes and says "jerky jerky you f'ing jackass?!?"

The camel shakes his head 'no' and goes...

Joke Time Thar-Desert-Rajasthan-Camel-1050x1050

Joke Time Thar-Desert-Rajasthan-Camel-1050x1050

by **Watch Out Pylon!** 2016-03-31, 14:27

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"

by Jethro Bodeen 2016-03-31, 15:23

A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables draped over his shoulders.
He walk up to the bar and asks the bartender for a whisky and coke.
The bartender looks him over for a moment an then finally says in a stern voice,
"Ok, you can drink here, but give me those jumper cables. I don't want you starting anything in here."

by **duffy munn** 2016-03-31, 15:33

Guy calls into work.

Guy: I can't some in today. I'm sick.

Boss: How sick are you ?

Guy: I'm home fucking my sister. How sick is THAT ?

by **Nordic** 2016-03-31, 15:40

A poor bastard walks into a whore house with only a couple bucks in his pocket and a raging Rocinante throbber. He asks the madam, "what is the cheapest girl you got, I'm busting at the seems from staring at Sears catalogs all day!"

The madam says, "well, for $20 you can have Jane over there."

Poor Bastard: "All I have is $2, is there anything you can do, pleeeeeassssee???"

Madam: "Ok, for 2 bucks you can have Margret over there."

Margret was a little rough looking, but this poor bastard didn't care. He forked over his 2 bucks, head up to the boom boom room and he starts hammering away like bLanche on a Tinder date. Pretty quickly he feels something is not right. It feels like he is fucking sandpaper.

He asks if there is anything she can do. She reaches between her legs and a few moments later he is slip sliding inside of her. It feels freaking awesome. Way better than jerking it to women's shoe adverts. He doesn't last long and soon splashes the pot all over here stomach and tits.

Poor Bastard: "Man... that was awesome, what kind of lube did you use?"

Margret: "Nothing, I just picked a couple of scabs."

by **Nordic** 2016-03-31, 15:44

Watch Out Pylon! wrote:A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"

I just had my yearly physical today. Lady doc is a M grad, I should of tried this one.

by **Rocinante** 2016-03-31, 15:59

Way better than jerking it to women's shoe adverts

debatable.

by **Ass Dan** 2016-03-31, 20:37

Ass Dan wrote:really dude? (SRC)

This board was better when you just let it be, FFS. It's a fucking joke. A bad one, but a joke. Whatever.

by **kingstonlake** 2016-03-31, 21:13

A black guy at work today asked me if I've been on a color tour. I said yes, I've been to the north end of Flint.

(Seriously). We got it like that, always trying to go racial but funny.

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** 2016-03-31, 21:20

Ass Dan wrote:
Ass Dan wrote:really dude? (SRC)

This board was better when you just let it be, FFS. It's a fucking joke. A bad one, but a joke. Whatever.

What did you say ass Dan

by **Ass Dan** 2016-03-31, 22:10

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:
Ass Dan wrote:

This board was better when you just let it be, FFS. It's a fucking joke. A bad one, but a joke. Whatever.

What did you say ass Dan

I said a mean joke that I won't repeat because it offended someone.

I knew it was mean and I posted it and i deserved to be yelled at by other posters or marooned. I made a joke about Down's syndrome kids on this board and I was made to feel like the asshole I was. I expect that we self govern the dickheads and be quick about it, even when that dickhead is me.

But now its deleted because some people got their feelings hurt about some repetitive posters. K.

by **xsanguine** 2016-03-31, 22:15

Ass Dan wrote:
Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:

What did you say ass Dan

I said a mean joke that I won't repeat because it offended someone.

I knew it was mean and I posted it and i deserved to be yelled at by other posters or marooned. I made a joke about Down's syndrome kids on this board and I was made to feel like the asshole I was. I expect that we self govern the dickheads and be quick about it, even when that dickhead is me.

But now its deleted because some people got their feelings hurt about some repetitive posters. K.

Always make the joke, Ass Dan. If they cant determine the intent behind an attempt at comedy then let them rot in their safe space.

Being offended is a genetic weakness (I've got the documents).

by **InTenSity** 2016-03-31, 22:17

Ass Dan wrote:
Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:

What did you say ass Dan

I said a mean joke that I won't repeat because it offended someone.

I knew it was mean and I posted it and i deserved to be yelled at by other posters or marooned. I made a joke about Down's syndrome kids on this board and I was made to feel like the asshole I was. I expect that we self govern the dickheads and be quick about it, even when that dickhead is me.

But now its deleted because some people got their feelings hurt about some repetitive posters. K.

I missed the joke, but if you were making fun of my son, ..Nevermind, I'll assume you weren't. If you were, how the fuck do you make fun of an infant with disabilities?

by **Ass Dan** 2016-03-31, 22:36

InTenSity wrote:
Ass Dan wrote:

I said a mean joke that I won't repeat because it offended someone.

I knew it was mean and I posted it and i deserved to be yelled at by other posters or marooned. I made a joke about Down's syndrome kids on this board and I was made to feel like the asshole I was. I expect that we self govern the dickheads and be quick about it, even when that dickhead is me.

But now its deleted because some people got their feelings hurt about some repetitive posters. K.
I missed the joke, but if you were making fun of my son, ..Nevermind, I'll assume you weren't. If you were, how the fuck do you make fun of an infant with disabilities?

I wasn'ttaing about your son. still was fucked up of me to post it and it wasn't tolerated here. There's a clear line and I crossed it.

I didn't realize that I crossed the line today with my joke but I did. Now bad jokes are deleted. That's the new way this board works apparently

by **Nordic** 2016-03-31, 22:45

Ass Dan wrote:
InTenSity wrote:
I missed the joke, but if you were making fun of my son, ..Nevermind, I'll assume you weren't. If you were, how the fuck do you make fun of an infant with disabilities?

I wasn'ttaing about your son. still was fucked up of me to post it and it wasn't tolerated here. There's a clear line and I crossed it.

I didn't realize that I crossed the line today with my joke but I did. Now bad jokes are deleted. That's the new way this board works apparently

Shut the fuck up

by **Nordic** 2016-03-31, 22:46

I always wanted to know what the punchline of this joke is... anyone?

by **InTenSity** 2016-03-31, 23:50

Ass Dan wrote:
InTenSity wrote:
I missed the joke, but if you were making fun of my son, ..Nevermind, I'll assume you weren't. If you were, how the fuck do you make fun of an infant with disabilities?

I wasn'ttaing about your son. still was fucked up of me to post it and it wasn't tolerated here. There's a clear line and I crossed it.

I didn't realize that I crossed the line today with my joke but I did. Now bad jokes are deleted. That's the new way this board works apparently

I have no idea what the joke was. I don't care. I'm assuming you're about 15 years old, because if you're in your 30's and find making fun of those with handicaps is funny...I'm not sure what to make of that, but please grow up.

by **Nordic** 2016-04-01, 00:01

InTenSity wrote:
Ass Dan wrote:

I wasn'ttaing about your son. still was fucked up of me to post it and it wasn't tolerated here. There's a clear line and I crossed it.

I didn't realize that I crossed the line today with my joke but I did. Now bad jokes are deleted. That's the new way this board works apparently
I have no idea what the joke was. I don't care. I'm assuming you're about 15 years old, because if you're in your 30's and find making fun of those with handicaps is funny...I'm not sure what to make of that, but please grow up.

The joke was not about your son or about people with disabilities.

by **CORNER BLITZ** 2016-04-01, 00:08

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, “When I was little”?

by **xsanguine** 2016-04-01, 00:19

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-04-01, 00:24

Yikes.

by **SeeRockCity** 2016-04-01, 09:17

For the record, I have been editing posts since day 1 so that has not changed.

by **xsanguine** 2016-04-01, 09:25

SeeRockCity wrote:For the record, I have been editing posts since day 1 so that has not changed.

Commie.

by **SeeRockCity** 2016-04-01, 09:27

xsanguine wrote:
SeeRockCity wrote:For the record, I have been editing posts since day 1 so that has not changed.

Commie.

Joke Time 759a94173560a428e9427c1f9f875b7fa9a673d053241edcd4a9a4a55f358e74_1

by **xsanguine** 2016-04-01, 09:30

Kim must be doing Crazy 8's to get them guns.

by **Motown Spartan** 2022-01-09, 00:14

What do you get when you combine human dna with seal dna?

Banned from Seaworld.

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