X, how're you doing?

Thinking about you, man. You seem fine, but I know that's how you roll. if you'd rather do this via pm, we can, but in on mobile and I don't know how....:(

Anyway... Yeah.

Yeah, I'm wondering how things have been going, also.

Good thread, Roc.

X gon give it to ya

I have to be honest... I need to change my mindset because the first thing I thought was, "great, what's the troll angle here... how's he going to try to make me look stupid here." And I don't mean that in any way anything you've ever done. That is on me 100% and my own chemical reactions manifesting themselves. Even a year after being in Michigan I still assume someone is trying to scam me in some way when they're just being kind.

I don't really know how I feel, to be honest. It's day by day. I just got off the phone with an old friend I haven't talked to in a couple of years and so right now, at this moment, I feel okay. He even made me chuckle at one point so that's a good sign, I think. But the other day I spent the entire day listening to Ryan Adams and crying, so.... who knows.

I just try to find things to keep me occupied (this is one of those things, trying to walk the eggshells) and make me forget about everything.

But I'll be honest... the fact that you made this thread has me a little choked up, Roc. I made a personal commitment to trying to be nicer on the internet, because I know I have that "little knat" personality when it comes to this place and usually any goodwill I may have access too I squander in a bit of trolling. It used to just be to make myself laugh but it does upset people, which isn't intended, but I should realize regardless.

I don't know, man. I guess that's the answer. As big as losing them was... there's so much that's going on that isn't good in my life that is very pressing that maybe I haven't had the time to process. I've had series of days where I haven't slept or haven't eaten... and then I'll go and sleep for 2 days straight.

I'm sure the long winded rambling was expected but to tl;dr it, thank you for thinking about me. It honestly does mean a lot to me. Thank you, Roc.

Roc is such a nice son of a bitch, too bad he sucks at Twitter.

One day at a time, X. Sounds trite, but it works.

Floyd Robertson wrote:One day at a time, X. Sounds trite, but it works.

Best advice ever.

DWags wrote:

Floyd Robertson wrote:One day at a time, X. Sounds trite, but it works.

Best advice ever.

Or one brick at a time - when do we see some pics of your handiwork?

LooseGoose wrote:

DWags wrote:


Best advice ever.

Or one brick at a time - when do we see some pics of your handiwork?

In about three weeks I'm thinking.

I'd like to ask what's going on in this thread, but I know it's none of my fucking business, so I won't.

y2kMgrad wrote:I'd like to ask what's going on in this thread, but I know it's none of my fucking business, so I won't.

It's okay, man. I lost both of my parents a couple weeks ago, possible divorce looming over my head (I made a freakout...."is it a good idea to pack up and move to Amsterdam" thread that is quite embarrassing) with an 8 month pregnant wife. I seem to have lost any ambition for making any money the last week or two, also. If I'm awake and on the computer it's because I'm yearning for someone to talk to. I just have lost interest in buying/selling at the moment.

However, this lake I've lived on for over a year now I just fished for the first time this past weekend with a friend (more like a brother) that was in town and discovered it's quite lucrative.... so.... there is that (this is me trying to be funny... I've always found dark humor better than any other kind anyways). Talking with someone you've known your whole life, and keep in mind I'm someone who hides their emotions VERY well... but having someone like that there and feeling completely vulnerable and able to cry the shit out out of my eyes for what is probably the first time in 20 years... let alone in front of someone. It was kind of an ego death in and of itself.

I do have a child on the way, though. A baby girl. That definitely keeps that ledge at "even if you trip and fall" length.

Holy shit man, I had no idea all that was going on. Sorry to hear man, life can really fuck you up sometimes. Joke for you and your dark humor here...

What does food and dark humor have in common? Answer: Not everyone gets it.

Oh yeah, almost forgot... the day before they passed my clumsy ass was fiddling with some branches that were getting into the shingles and fell 30 feet right onto my ankle, didn't break. The doctor thought I was exaggerating the height (because it didn't break) till they did an xray and I guess they can see tendons and all that shit (I'm not a doctor or anything so whatever it is they can see) and was like.... damn, dude, you fucked your shit right up. So I was on crutches for two weeks, now in a boot. I haven't smoked cigarettes in about 10 years but I've smoked a pack a day the last 4 or 5 days... stayed away from the weeds even though I'm legally allowed to go that route if I choose.

2016 was not the summer of X. I guess is the point of this thread.

Motown Spartan wrote:Holy shit man, I had no idea all that was going on. Sorry to hear man, life can really fuck you up sometimes. Joke for you and your dark humor here...

What does food and dark humor have in common? Answer: Not everyone gets it.

Ain't that the truth. I honestly triple proof read every post I make now to make sure I stay away from anything that might make someone upset even though I'm just trying to be funny (and fail, mostly).

I mod on a different board with a MUCH different mentality so being mean with humor is kind of the norm there and everyone gets it because its expected given who owns the board. So it's tough because I switch back and forth... so it takes a little getting used to.

Where do you live?

It's nothing nearly everyone on this board hasn't dealt with on this board, though. I have to remind myself that god doesn't hate me (I'm atheist so I'm meaning 'god' in the spiritual sense rather than religious)... I'm just an unlucky bastard that everything seems to want to happen at once.

Every experience can make you stronger or weaker and I'm trying to not only become stronger but better. Better introspectively and also better as an extrovert.

Motown Spartan wrote:Where do you live?

I live in the northern Grand Rapids suburbs.

I'm trying to adopt the stance that it's the universe's way of telling me I need to become better to others. I think in eastern phiosophy they call it karma... but I'm no Sam Harris so I couldn't tell ya what is what.

I met a guy a few weeks ago with no arms and is a hoarder, afraid to leave his house because he can't handle being around others. He's not crazy, he's just scared... something happened in his life that has him freaked out so he goes to where he feels comfortable. I didn't ask or anything but he had his guard up and it took awhile before he trusted me to take care of what I needed to take care of at his place (through all the shit from years ago that he should have thrown out). I left his house and had a little moment because the only thing he trusted was this adorable little black cocker spaniel. I have a cocker spaniel and I love the breed, it helped get him to trust me... but it broke my heart that someday that little black cocker will not be around and what is this guy going to have then?

There's people with real problems. Not to say I shouldn't have had a right to feel down for a bit but all of this not eating and not sleeping and all that is my subconscious being spoiled and self centered. I'm going to be responsible for a life any day now. I can't pass that gene down... that's something, unfortunately, one of my parents was known for.

xsanguine wrote:

Motown Spartan wrote:Where do you live?

I live in the northern Grand Rapids suburbs.

Goddamit go to this game and get me an apron:

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5

xsanguine wrote:I'm trying to adopt the stance that it's the universe's way of telling me I need to become better to others. I think in eastern phiosophy they call it karma... but I'm no Sam Harris so I couldn't tell ya what is what.

I personally believe in chaos so there is that.

Motown Spartan wrote:

xsanguine wrote:I'm trying to adopt the stance that it's the universe's way of telling me I need to become better to others. I think in eastern phiosophy they call it karma... but I'm no Sam Harris so I couldn't tell ya what is what.

I personally believe in chaos so there is that.

I can't say I'm familiar with the philosophy outside of how it's explained by Dr. Malcolm in Jurassic Park.

LooseGoose wrote:

xsanguine wrote:

I live in the northern Grand Rapids suburbs.

Goddamit go to this game and get me an apron:

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5

I live 5 minutes from that place and even have free tickets I have to use by end of year.... I'll see what I can do.

xsanguine wrote:I live 5 minutes from that place and even have free tickets I have to use by end of year.... I'll see what I can do.

My oldest lived that close until '13....on Westshire Dr in Comstock Park.

Is the #1 Chinese still open just down the street from the ball park? I used
to love to grab take out from there.

LooseGoose wrote:

xsanguine wrote:I live 5 minutes from that place and even have free tickets I have to use by end of year.... I'll see what I can do.

My oldest lived that close until '13....on Westshire Dr in Comstock Park.

Is the #1 Chinese still open just down the street from the ball park? I used
to love to grab take out from there.

I'm in Lake Bella Vista and don't really go that way so I dunno. I stick to Beltline, mostly.... unless I want fast food and need to go to Five Guys.

xsanguine wrote:

Motown Spartan wrote:

I personally believe in chaos so there is that.

I can't say I'm familiar with the philosophy outside of how it's explained by Dr. Malcolm in Jurassic Park.

Kinda like the butterfly effect where a butterly in Japan flaps it's wings and the weather in New York is altered. Basically, even the most complex systems at any level have an underlying order and at the same time, even the simplest and most predictable systems can produce very complex behavior.

Some call it karma. Perhaps what happens in our lives is the result of the underlying order that is driven by our own behavior.

Motown Spartan wrote:

xsanguine wrote:

I can't say I'm familiar with the philosophy outside of how it's explained by Dr. Malcolm in Jurassic Park.

Kinda like the butterfly effect where a butterly in Japan flaps it's wings and the weather in New York is altered. Basically, even the most complex systems at any level have an underlying order and at the same time, even the simplest and most predictable systems can produce very complex behavior.

Some call it karma. Perhaps what happens in our lives is the result of the underlying order that is driven by our own behavior.

That makes sense. I figured karma was more personal rather than all encompassing. But again, I listen to philosophy podcasts and understand usually around 10-15% of it so, chyah.

Motown Spartan wrote:

xsanguine wrote:

I can't say I'm familiar with the philosophy outside of how it's explained by Dr. Malcolm in Jurassic Park.

Kinda like the butterfly effect where a butterly in Japan flaps it's wings and the weather in New York is altered. Basically, even the most complex systems at any level have an underlying order and at the same time, even the simplest and most predictable systems can produce very complex behavior.

Some call it karma. Perhaps what happens in our lives is the result of the underlying order that is driven by our own behavior.

So for example - if I had boiled and eaten an entire head of cabbage over the last 2 days. What kind of karma can I expect?

LooseGoose wrote:

Motown Spartan wrote:

Kinda like the butterfly effect where a butterly in Japan flaps it's wings and the weather in New York is altered.  Basically, even the most complex systems at any level have an underlying order and at the same time, even the simplest and most predictable systems can produce very complex behavior.  

Some call it karma.  Perhaps what happens in our lives is the result of the underlying order that is driven by our own behavior.  

So for example - if I had boiled and eaten an entire head of cabbage over the last 2 days.   What kind of karma can I expect?

Some people would call a broken toilet karma.

xsanguine wrote:

y2kMgrad wrote:I'd like to ask what's going on in this thread, but I know it's none of my fucking business, so I won't.

It's okay, man. I lost both of my parents a couple weeks ago, possible divorce looming over my head (I made a freakout...."is it a good idea to pack up and move to Amsterdam" thread that is quite embarrassing) with an 8 month pregnant wife. I seem to have lost any ambition for making any money the last week or two, also. If I'm awake and on the computer it's because I'm yearning for someone to talk to. I just have lost interest in buying/selling at the moment.

However, this lake I've lived on for over a year now I just fished for the first time this past weekend with a friend (more like a brother) that was in town and discovered it's quite lucrative.... so.... there is that (this is me trying to be funny... I've always found dark humor better than any other kind anyways). Talking with someone you've known your whole life, and keep in mind I'm someone who hides their emotions VERY well... but having someone like that there and feeling completely vulnerable and able to cry the shit out out of my eyes for what is probably the first time in 20 years... let alone in front of someone. It was kind of an ego death in and of itself.

I do have a child on the way, though. A baby girl. That definitely keeps that ledge at "even if you trip and fall" length.

I just finished reading that whole thread because I knew I had missed something.
I was a little dissapointed you didn't have a problem with my posts since I am pretty much a dick to everyone. Truth be told, I had always thought you were one of the more popular posters here. But maybe I never read most of your posts because they were too long and/or political...
Anyway, don't know what I can say that could help you but my condolences

LooseGoose wrote:

Motown Spartan wrote:

Kinda like the butterfly effect where a butterly in Japan flaps it's wings and the weather in New York is altered. Basically, even the most complex systems at any level have an underlying order and at the same time, even the simplest and most predictable systems can produce very complex behavior.

Some call it karma. Perhaps what happens in our lives is the result of the underlying order that is driven by our own behavior.

So for example - if I had boiled and eaten an entire head of cabbage over the last 2 days. What kind of karma can I expect?

The most likely and predictable outcome would be gas pains leading to explosive diarrhea that smells like a rotten whale vagina filled with fresh cat poop that was run over with a lawnmower.

Perhaps another outcome would be your sudden and odorous death as a result from your intestines rupturing due to developing diverticulitis that was just days away from being diagnosed but exasperated by your poor life decision to eat an entire head of cabbage over two days.

Herbie Green wrote:

xsanguine wrote:

It's okay, man. I lost both of my parents a couple weeks ago, possible divorce looming over my head (I made a freakout...."is it a good idea to pack up and move to Amsterdam" thread that is quite embarrassing) with an 8 month pregnant wife. I seem to have lost any ambition for making any money the last week or two, also. If I'm awake and on the computer it's because I'm yearning for someone to talk to. I just have lost interest in buying/selling at the moment.

However, this lake I've lived on for over a year now I just fished for the first time this past weekend with a friend (more like a brother) that was in town and discovered it's quite lucrative.... so.... there is that (this is me trying to be funny... I've always found dark humor better than any other kind anyways). Talking with someone you've known your whole life, and keep in mind I'm someone who hides their emotions VERY well... but having someone like that there and feeling completely vulnerable and able to cry the shit out out of my eyes for what is probably the first time in 20 years... let alone in front of someone. It was kind of an ego death in and of itself.

I do have a child on the way, though. A baby girl. That definitely keeps that ledge at "even if you trip and fall" length.

I just finished reading that whole thread because I knew I had missed something.
I was a little dissapointed you didn't have a problem with my posts since I am pretty much a dick to everyone. Truth be told, I had always thought you were one of the more popular posters here. But maybe I never read most of your posts because they were too long and/or political...
Anyway, don't know what I can say that could help you but my condolences

If you were ever an asshole to me, I just be an asshole back. But I forget who's an asshole and who isn't. So one day we could be calling each other the worst things imaginable and the next I'll be asking for that secret marinara recipe. Because I forgot..... and because it's the internet, I don't care. Being mean on the internet is funny to me (within boundries). I just have to realize other people do not think this way and adjust the way I come across. I mean, I very rarely get into a situation offline, because I can tell when I'm approaching something that someone is getting irritated by. I can't ascertain that until someone is typing "X, you fucking piece of shit I hope you drown in your fucking kayak you fuck!" and I'm like.... oh shit, damn, I'm sorry. But by then it's too late because I couldn't sense their discomfort with whatever I was giving them shit for.

Yes, my posts are way too long. That part of me is the same in real life.

And I appreciate your condolences, Herb. Thank you.

xsanguine wrote:

y2kMgrad wrote:I'd like to ask what's going on in this thread, but I know it's none of my fucking business, so I won't.

It's okay, man. I lost both of my parents a couple weeks ago, possible divorce looming over my head (I made a freakout...."is it a good idea to pack up and move to Amsterdam" thread that is quite embarrassing) with an 8 month pregnant wife. I seem to have lost any ambition for making any money the last week or two, also. If I'm awake and on the computer it's because I'm yearning for someone to talk to. I just have lost interest in buying/selling at the moment.

However, this lake I've lived on for over a year now I just fished for the first time this past weekend with a friend (more like a brother) that was in town and discovered it's quite lucrative.... so.... there is that (this is me trying to be funny... I've always found dark humor better than any other kind anyways). Talking with someone you've known your whole life, and keep in mind I'm someone who hides their emotions VERY well... but having someone like that there and feeling completely vulnerable and able to cry the shit out out of my eyes for what is probably the first time in 20 years... let alone in front of someone. It was kind of an ego death in and of itself.

I do have a child on the way, though. A baby girl. That definitely keeps that ledge at "even if you trip and fall" length.

Sorry about the loss of your parents. I'm dreading the day I lose my mom, she's always been my hero. Congrats on your baby girl though, fatherhood will find a way to ground you and keep you busy. Children sort of force that on you, whether you like it or not. Also Lake Bella Vista is beautiful, so congrats on living there. Shit might suck right now but it sounds like you have a lot of life left to enjoy. My two cents fwiw.

y2kMgrad wrote:

xsanguine wrote:

It's okay, man. I lost both of my parents a couple weeks ago, possible divorce looming over my head (I made a freakout...."is it a good idea to pack up and move to Amsterdam" thread that is quite embarrassing) with an 8 month pregnant wife. I seem to have lost any ambition for making any money the last week or two, also. If I'm awake and on the computer it's because I'm yearning for someone to talk to. I just have lost interest in buying/selling at the moment.

However, this lake I've lived on for over a year now I just fished for the first time this past weekend with a friend (more like a brother) that was in town and discovered it's quite lucrative.... so.... there is that (this is me trying to be funny... I've always found dark humor better than any other kind anyways). Talking with someone you've known your whole life, and keep in mind I'm someone who hides their emotions VERY well... but having someone like that there and feeling completely vulnerable and able to cry the shit out out of my eyes for what is probably the first time in 20 years... let alone in front of someone. It was kind of an ego death in and of itself.

I do have a child on the way, though. A baby girl. That definitely keeps that ledge at "even if you trip and fall" length.

Sorry about the loss of your parents. I'm dreading the day I lose my mom, she's always been my hero. Congrats on your baby girl though, fatherhood will find a way to ground you and keep you busy. Children sort of force that on you, whether you like it or not. Also Lake Bella Vista is beautiful, so congrats on living there. Shit might suck right now but it sounds like you have a lot of life left to enjoy. My two cents fwiw.

Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Spend as much time as you can. I always did so I don't have any regrets there... and this is taking me a second to type because fuck...... but one thing I'm wishing I could change is for my girl to have been able to meet them. My parents were really excited for that.

And with that I have to take a few cigarette breaks...............

xsanguine wrote:

Motown Spartan wrote:

Kinda like the butterfly effect where a butterly in Japan flaps it's wings and the weather in New York is altered. Basically, even the most complex systems at any level have an underlying order and at the same time, even the simplest and most predictable systems can produce very complex behavior.

Some call it karma. Perhaps what happens in our lives is the result of the underlying order that is driven by our own behavior.

That makes sense. I figured karma was more personal rather than all encompassing. But again, I listen to philosophy podcasts and understand usually around 10-15% of it so, chyah.

Karma is often used/coupled with the philosophy of reincarnation.

As an atheist, do you think the idea of karma is limited to this lifetime?

The Pantry wrote:

xsanguine wrote:

That makes sense. I figured karma was more personal rather than all encompassing. But again, I listen to philosophy podcasts and understand usually around 10-15% of it so, chyah.

Karma is often used/coupled with the philosophy of reincarnation.

As an atheist, do you think the idea of karma is limited to this lifetime?

Honestly I'm not really familiar with any of these philosophies beyond the very basic stuff everyone believes about it.

A more accurate description is agnostic, but I'm trying to go for the most etymological meaning... so by definition I identify as atheist. I lack a belief in any deity or deities (usually reserved for the Abrahamic religions). Could "god" be the universe and there is some unintelligible form of intelligence being demonstrated even if we can't detect it? I'm not going to say that isn't the case, I don't know.

But to get to your question I don't have enough education on karma as a practiced philosophy to answer something like that.

I think I'm just trying to find answers or maybe even subconsciously realizing my own character flaws and using some of these compounding events as targeted at me for these flaws that I want to improve. I naturally want to say 'I know that no one is targeting me', but apart of me wants to keep the option open as motivation to do so. I'm a good guy in real life, my reputation is well intact... but like everyone, we've all done bad things in our lives. I've bullied people as a kid or made someone feel shitty about themselves. I've kicked the shit out of people when maybe all they needed was a verbal dressing down. I mean, these are things that have happened years ago so to suggest Yahweh or Buddha or "whatever" is now using the moment to punish me would be an entirely separate conversation... but could they?
The burden on proof is on the person making the positive claim... but you can't always hold claims you don't have information access to with that burden. At least I think so. Does that make sense?

Also, just to be clear. I don't subscribe nor do I reject the idea of karma... I don't even have enough understanding to make any judgement on it. I'm just... when this thread came up it caused me to revisit some of these thoughts that I'd think about on the back porch at 3am smoking a joint within the last couple of weeks.

So educating myself, or at least traveling down that trail and picking up bits and parts along the way has started.

X,

Life's chapters have but one ending, to lead to the next. And on, and again to lead one's dreams one upon the next. One ends in chaos, one despair, the next in blissful peace. We are but readers, to rise and fall with them and in the end, to reflect upon the richness of their design. A book ended too soon, deprives us of the lofty heights of the story complete. The soundless joy of our only victory, the victor o'er the storms. To what end matters not.

-Anonymous

SeeRockCity wrote:X,

Life's chapters have but one ending, to lead to the next. And on, and again to lead one's dreams one upon the next. One ends in chaos, one despair, the next in blissful peace. We are but readers, to rise and fall with them and in the end, to reflect upon the richness of their design. A book ended too soon, deprives us of the lofty heights of the story complete. The soundless joy of our only victory, the victor o'er the storms. To what end matters not.

-Anonymous

This made me smile (especially "A book ended too soon, deprives us of the lofty heights of the story complete."). Thank you for that, SRC. I wish you and yours the best.

Fight through X

Hi X. :)