My 3.5 year old just gave me a black eye....

Maybe....

He came running at me and fucking caught me MMA/UMF (Mixed Martial Arts/Ultimate Man Fightin') in the left check bone with his knee. I was antagonizing him, and messing with him, and then he went all Kyler Elsworth on my face. Props to the little bugger, but I am very likely waking up with a shiner in the AM and have to go into the office with this thing. I already have a small mouse under my eye...

the only thing that sucks about this is that I have a reputation in the office for getting drunk as **** and falling on my face. I'm not saying that it is a well earned reputation... I'm just saying that I have one, mKay? Anyway, ain't nobody going to believe this one...... How do I convince these fuckers that a toddler gave me this one???

It is still swelling. I'm fucked.

pics asshole

You deserve it, having the kid up this late

Good.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:pics asshole

I will sexxt you one. Can you put it up on the innernet? A'cuz, I'm not even going to try that shit right now.

Turtleneck wrote:Good.

I don't even know you.

tTy wrote:

I will sexxt you one.  Can you put it up on the innernet?  A'cuz, I'm not even going to try that shit right now.

Yep.

The Pantry wrote:You deserve it, having the kid up this late

I have twins. and they go to bed when they feel like it, basically. Also, the assault took place well over two hours ago. I'm just now feeling the affects, dick. Get off me!

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

Yep.

Hold please..... Lemme go take a decent selfie and shoot it to you.

tTy wrote:

Also, the assault took place well over two hours ago.  I'm just now feeling the affects

Probably because you're drunk

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

Yep.

sent..... Still swelling...

tTy wrote:

I don't even know you.

 You spilled a beer on me at a Poison concert in 1987 at Castle Farms. I did not forget.
Your child beast has provided me with vengeance.

Get off the Internet and ice it you dingus

The Pantry wrote:
Probably because you're drunk

Wrong. Prolly because my 3.5 year old is a fucking bad. ass....

He is pushing 55 LB's right now and he's not got a bit of fat on him. He is going to be a giant. His feet are almost as big as mine already. It is like having a baby German Shepard Puppy that can speak to you. He is a damn monster for his age.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

          

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

  Could always tell your co-workers your wife caught you the wrong way with one of her dildos   

The Pantry wrote:You deserve it, having the kid up this late

Excellent point.

Next time give him Skittles and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew about 8:00 so he'll start winding down.

Parents don't get black eyes, babysitters do.

duffy munn wrote:Parents don't get black eyes, babysitters do.

good point.... Babysitter also get even. Motherfucker better be watching his back tomorrow. Juss' sayin'.

tTy wrote:Maybe....

He came running at me and fucking caught me MMA/UMF (Mixed Martial Arts/Ultimate Man Fightin') in the left check bone with his knee.  I was antagonizing him, and messing with him, and then he went all Kyler Elsworth on my face.  Props to the little bugger, but I am very likely waking up with a shiner in the AM and have to go into the office with this thing.  I already have a small mouse under my eye...

the only thing that sucks about this is that I have a reputation in the office for getting drunk as **** and falling on my face.  I'm not saying that it is a well earned reputation... I'm just saying that I have one, mKay?  Anyway, ain't nobody going to believe this one...... How do I convince these fuckers that a toddler gave me this one???

It is still swelling.  I'm fucked.

Ouch...you got molly wopped.

Smart kid.
Oh, and nice wallpaper.

Obligatory you gone   

tGreenWay wrote:Smart kid.
Oh, and nice wallpaper.  

The added border with the moose and bear is what really does it.

tTy wrote:Maybe....

He came running at me and fucking caught me MMA/UMF (Mixed Martial Arts/Ultimate Man Fightin') in the left check bone with his knee.  I was antagonizing him, and messing with him, and then he went all Kyler Elsworth on my face.  Props to the little bugger, but I am very likely waking up with a shiner in the AM and have to go into the office with this thing.  I already have a small mouse under my eye...

the only thing that sucks about this is that I have a reputation in the office for getting drunk as **** and falling on my face.  I'm not saying that it is a well earned reputation... I'm just saying that I have one, mKay?  Anyway, ain't nobody going to believe this one...... How do I convince these fuckers that a toddler gave me this one???

It is still swelling.  I'm fucked.

You called him a little bugger. Does that mean you engage in Buggery? Let's bugger!

Floyd Robertson wrote:

The added border with the moose and bear is what really does it.

I am a fan of moose.   

Floyd Robertson wrote:

The added border with the moose and bear is what really does it.

Betcha they're scratch-n-sniff.

Wallpaper is coming down as soon as I can trust both of the runts not to ruin whatever we put back up. They have torn half of that shit off the walls but I'm not going to do anything about it until they know better.

Eye is still puffy, very tender and there is a small bruise forming. lol

tTy wrote:Wallpaper is coming down as soon as I can trust both of the runts not to ruin whatever we put back up.  They have torn half of that shit off the walls but I'm not going to do anything about it until they know better.

Eye is still puffy, very tender and there is a small bruise forming.  lol

So how bad is everyone at work teasing you that you got beat up by a 3-year-old?

you should beat him mercilessly.

I think you lose no matter what you tell your coworkers man. Frankly, I'd go with "I got drunk and fell on my face." Because A). You got up and got your ass to work on time and none of them could do it (hence you can call them all pussies). and 2). It's better than, "I got my ass kicked by a toddler." any day.

tTy wrote:Wallpaper is coming down as soon as I can trust both of the runts not to ruin whatever we put back up.  They have torn half of that shit off the walls but I'm not going to do anything about it until they know better.

Eye is still puffy, very tender and there is a small bruise forming.  lol

Are these your kids?

I'm guessing that's the last time you snitch about that cookie jar thing?

tTy wrote:

Wrong.  Prolly because my 3.5 year old is a fucking bad.  ass....

He is pushing 55 LB's right now and he's not got a bit of fat on him.  He is going to be a giant.  His feet are almost as big as mine already.  It is like having a baby German Shepard Puppy that can speak to you.  He is a damn monster for his age.

55 lbs is GROSSLY overweight for a 3.5 yr old.    Unless he's a mutant, your kid needs to go on a diet.

Nommad2 wrote:

55 lbs is GROSSLY overweight for a 3.5 yr old.      Unless he's a mutant, your kid needs to go on a diet.

He isn't fat. He is a giant. Also, 3.5 years old may be a bit misleading, he will be 4 in early August. He and his twin sister have been off the percentile charts since birth. I had to buy them bike helmets that were recommended for 8 year olds..... LAST YEAR.......... My ball caps fit him now without adjustment. I am 5' 9" 175-180#...

Also, shiner update = dark bruising under eyeball now = pretty much full on black eye. My first ever!!!   

You know how you keep brining up your guns in other threads? Why do you even need them if you aren't going to use them when you get assaulted?

Travis of the Cosmos wrote:You know how you keep brining up your guns in other threads? Why do you even need them if you aren't going to use them when you get assaulted?

I don't think I could have proven self defense, or else I would have smoked his ass.