Worst sexual encounter

Man, you and wbh win the kill my boner award.

I once had to sneak out of a random heavy girl's apartment after blacking out and accidentally shitting her bed over the course of the night.  It wasn't really that awkward but the thought of ever seeing her again was.

JEK wrote:

So you had some great sex but had to say a little prayer beforehand and that was your WORST sexual encounter? That must've been so rough for you.

Yeah, I realized that my story wasn't a bad experience, it's just the only funny one I could think of. If you wanted a slew of "bad sex" experiences that involved me, you'd have to talk to the women I've had sex with.

Btw, I couldn't quote the rest of your post, that's horrible. I feel sorry for that girl.

You made it up? Well there goes my buzz.

For face-barf-'n-sheets-chunky, she must've been really into her boyfriend to go through all that trouble to make sure she was back in time, paying for her taxi and all.

I once encountered a vagina so bad that I could smell it through the jeans.

I have also seen pubic hair longer than my Johnson. It makes you wonder, is my Johnson that small or was that vagitation really long?

Death Roe wrote:I had a girl come over that I met once before. We started watching "Captain America" and making out. It was going well. Rounded second base standing-up.

We went to my bedroom and things proceeded rather quickly. I went down on her and... I almost puked. Like, she was clean and such, but goddamn it smelled awful. I know my dick probably doesn't smell the greatest, but it takes a LOT for me to even CONTEMPLATE vomiting.

I went back up and kinda played it off. We banged for a bit and it was turrible. I pulled a LeBron Game 1 and faked some cramps to end it. She spent the night, asked to **** before I went to work in the morning and I just straight up said "Nah that's okay." She went home after I said that. :lolz:Mission accomplished.

I can't really re-watch "Captain America" the same ever since then.

Black chicks dig comics??

Death Roe wrote:I had a girl come over that I met once before. We started watching "Captain America" and making out. It was going well. Rounded second base standing-up.

We went to my bedroom and things proceeded rather quickly. I went down on her and... I almost puked. Like, she was clean and such, but goddamn it smelled awful. I know my dick probably doesn't smell the greatest, but it takes a LOT for me to even CONTEMPLATE vomiting.

I went back up and kinda played it off. We banged for a bit and it was turrible. I pulled a LeBron Game 1 and faked some cramps to end it. She spent the night, asked to **** before I went to work in the morning and I just straight up said "Nah that's okay." She went home after I said that. :lolz:Mission accomplished.

I can't really re-watch "Captain America" the same ever since then.

FYI......if she smelled horrible, she wasn't clean. There's no excuse for nasty pussy.

Crazy Jim9 wrote:

Well, give us some more details, like what was his name?

Ada

Marc Summers wrote:

FYI......if she smelled horrible, she wasn't clean. There's no excuse for nasty pussy.

Sometimes it's a hormonal or diet thing... For instance the girl I am currently in the throws of breaking up with is a dirty hippy. She rarely showers, and has some really long pubic hair. Her vagina smells FANTASTIC. It tastes like MANNA FROM FUCKING HEAVEN.

Thus my dilemma. I likes me the pussy.

I squeezed my date too hard, and my tie tack deflated her. Had to duct tape the hole and blow her up all over again. Totally ruined the mood.

Sincerely

Fletch

Rodeo Burger wrote:I met a chick at a bar that was in town for a funeral. I took her home after a few minutes of talk, and we went straight to the bedroom. I had removed our clothing down to just our underwear when she stopped me. I was like WTF?

She wanted to pray first. I still don't know how I didn't laugh, but I played it off like I thought it was a good idea. So there we are, kneeling next to my bed, facing each other. She thanked god for the chance to meet me, said some other stupid stuff that I can't recall, and then asked me to say something too. I said all the same shit that she did.

At that point, she wrapped up the prayer, then looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, stood up, dropped my boxers and guided her mouth to my girthy, throbbing meat stick. After the beejer we engaged in rough, raunchy and loud sex.

It's now like 3am, and since she had gotten a ride to the bar, I had to take her to the house of the relative she was staying with. It was an ordeal, because she didn't know the town at all. I finally find the place, and as she is getting out of my car, she says "God bless you!".

Although a bit awkward, I would seriously have a 100% full blood erection in this situation, and she would be walking really funny afterwards. I'm not even religious.

My first time was at some hay ride during high school. Told my friends about it. Turns out that 2 other friends banged the same chick that night before I did.

Rocinante wrote:

Sometimes it's a hormonal or diet thing... For instance the girl I am currently in the throws of breaking up with is a dirty hippy.  She rarely showers, and has some really long pubic hair.  Her vagina smells FANTASTIC.  It tastes like MANNA FROM FUCKING HEAVEN.

Thus my dilemma.  I likes me the pussy.

hurry up and come to bed roci!

AMwood wrote:

hurry up and come to bed roci!

I admit, I was a little hesitant... but that shit is like CRACK!!

gHost Spartan wrote:When I was living in NYC there was this cute DUDE l that worked at the same company I did. It was a fairly large company in midtown Manhattan. I saw HIM walking to work one day with a paper bag and I sent HIM an email and asked HIM what he had for lunch. (We met very briefly at a mixer a few weeks earlier). We chatted on email and then he invited himself out with me later that night (that really bothered me and I told some stranger at a bar about it), it was a Friday. We were at a bar in HOMO and I confessed that I had a crush on him. He said "kiss me" and we started hooking up in the bar. We decided to go to his apartment and stopped at HMV and bought a bunch of CDs to listen to at his place (which was about four blocks from our office.) We banged and it was okay. We were both really hammered. I was naked and I leaned down to put one of the CDs we bought on and I ripped a huge fart, it was loud, long, and obnoxious. He was so drunk he just said "did you just fart?" and I said "yeah" then he said "**** me." So we fucked ghey.

  

I don't remember his name otherwise I'd look him up on FB but I remember he went to one of those snooty New England schools, like CUMINME or something... maybe Holy Cross.

Dude, let's ****

I was at my prom date's house taking a leak before we left.  I looked out the window and saw the neighbor changing through her bedroom window.  She saw me and I quickly zipped up my pants zipping my dick deeply into the zipper.  I got that bastard in there so badly there was no way I could unzip it.  I screamed like a little girl scaring everyone in the neighborhood.  Eventually my prom date's parents came in to help, but while they were in there a local cop stuck his head in the window while investigating the loud scream.  The damn cop comes in through the fricking window to help just as the fire department shows up.  He grabs my zipper and with all his strength yanks the zipper down unleashing a giant stream of shooting blood.  As I was being wheeled on the gurney to the ambulance my prom date held a towel over my injury to compress the wound.

Izzo Court wrote:I was at my prom date's house taking a leak before we left.  I looked out the window and saw the neighbor changing through her bedroom window.  She saw me and I quickly zipped up my pants zipping my dick deeply into the zipper.  I got that bastard in there so badly there was no way I could unzip it.  I screamed like a little girl scaring everyone in the neighborhood.  Eventually my prom date's parents came in to help, but while they were in there a local cop stuck his head in the window while investigating the loud scream.  The damn cop comes in through the fricking window to help just as the fire department shows up.  He grabs my zipper and with all his strength yanks the zipper down unleashing a giant stream of shooting blood.  As I was being wheeled on the gurney to the ambulance my prom date held a towel over my injury to compress the wound.

frank and beans!!! frank and beans!!!

These two win...so to speak.
Lock the thread

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2654824/Two-teenagers-killed-fall-sixth-floor-balcony-riverside-apartment-block-south-London.html

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Ok, yeah this is somewhat of a copycat thread from another forum, and I'm not going to ask for MS Paint depictions, but it still could make for some entertainment.

Describe your worst/most awkward sexual encounter. Pics are encouraged if you can dig up FB/LinkedIn profiles.

I'll tell my story after you tell yours.

no fucking MSPaint = lame as shit.

not from LinkedIn or facebook - but I'm pretty sure this is the "chick" in WBH story

Back in college, I was studying for a big exam in the library at like 10PM on a Wednesday. I had been there for many hours, and was completely tweaking out after taking like 90 mg of Adderall, multiple energy drinks, and smoking many cigarettes.

This fat chick with a boyfriend had been texting me for a couple weeks, and I had been ignoring her. Fed up with studying and thinking I was probably going to fail, I ended up sending her a text to hang out. She picked me up from the library and I had her drive across town to a new Condo that my dad was in the process of selling. It was a 4 level condo, and I took her to the top(which had an awesome view). No kissing or anything was involved, and I ended up putting on a condom and sticking it in. Her pussy was quite cavernous, and the combination of the condom, Adderall, and me having an average penis gave me almost no feeling. I eventually was laying on top of her on the carpet pumping away and ended up faking an orgasm. Her boyfriend kept calling her throughout the whole session, and it would have been horrible even without the above factors.

On the drive back to the library, I deleted her number.

Only virgins call when you get laid, "sessions," Nucky.

This did not end with a deed, but it was an encounter... the worst.  So bail now if you like.

After I graduated from MSU I got a job with EDS in Flint and lived in Grand Blanc with another dude from the company.  This was right after Perot left the company.  Suit, tie, no facial hair, and a reputation for scrutinizing one's personal behavior.

I'm living in a townhouse and was coming back to the house from a weekend trip to Lansing.  It was early Winter, probably around freezing temps.  I walk in the door and I see my room-mate sitting in a lazy-boy, and a friend of his lying on his back in the middle of the living room floor.  Both were staring out the sliding glass door to a courtyard that separated buildings.

I says, "what's going on", they says, "c'mere, you have to check this out".  So, I walk to the door and look out, and up to the 2nd floor window of the townhouse opposite us.  In that window was a black girl, stark naked putting on a show.  It was close enough that you could easily see her standing and working her kit to the favor of the guys in our house.  

I was a little shocked, and watched for a minute, then went to my room (opposite where the chick was).  I put my shit down and sat on my bed for the show, which lasted long enough that I actually did want to go to sleep.  No way this was a 20 something.  She looked pretty young, and it made me uncomfortable.  Anyhow, the last thing I remember was her picking up a clock and pointing to it, and holding up 2 fingers.  Then I hear my room-mate's friend open the slider below and say, "what, you're coming over at 2?".  She nodded yes.  I fell asleep soon after, but not before thinking that if I bumped into this girl in the complex, I'd like to try to connect with her and tell her that she didn't need to do what she was doing.

... to be awoken in the middle of the night by "ding-dong".

I go downstairs and open the door and this girl is standing there in a robe and shivering (which was why I mentioned that it was early Winter).  So, I actually let her in to warm up, with an immediate, "c'mon in, how old are you?"

She says, "15."

I says, "Ok, listen, I want you to warm up and head back home ok?"

She shakes her head, "No", and drops the robe on the floor.  She did have a nice body beyond her 15 years.

I says, "c'mon, who do you live with."

She says, "my Mom."

I says, "ok, warm up a bit, then please head back to your Mom."

She says, and I quote, "**** my Mom, she ain't got no dick."

So now, I'm screwed.  I have EDS in the back of my head.  I don't want to physically force her to leave, because I don't want to be that way, and because if she runs screaming rape, I'm fvcked.  So I say, "I can't fool around with a 15 year old, but I'll talk to you a bit."

She sits on the stairway (knowing I have a room-mate) and starts shuffling up the steps backwards on her butt.  I say, "you can't go up there."  She says, "why, does he have his girl-friend up there."  I say, "yes", and she comes back down and heads to the living room.

I follow her and sit on the couch next to her making some light talk.  I tell her that there are plenty of boys her age that would be more that willing to get with her.  She says, "I don't want them.  I want to know what it feels like to be fvcked by a man."  SHIT.

She swings a leg over me (I'm in boxers) and starts grinding.  I'll skip ahead for a minute because remember, she's had that hotbox worked up for a good hour before, and I think she left, smelly, streaks on the boxers.  

Long story short.  I finally got her off of me as gently as possible and out the door.  The "shows" continued for a few days, to which we started to close our blinds.  I never saw or talked to her again.