Anything funny? Good stories?

by **Dendrobates** 05/04/20, 06:51 pm

I could use a pick me up. Things kinda suck, and I can't fucking drink.

I prefer funny stuff.

Entertain me my minions!

by **MiamiSpartan** 05/04/20, 06:58 pm

Not sure how you are with dad joke types, so apologies if this causes more pain than laughter, but this was emailed to me on Friday....

Please be careful because people are going crazy from being on lock down!

Actually, I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.

In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine- no situation is too pressing.

by **Dendrobates** 05/04/20, 07:14 pm

MiamiSpartan wrote:Not sure how you are with dad joke types, so apologies if this causes more pain than laughter, but this was emailed to me on Friday....

Please be careful because people are going crazy from being on lock down!

Actually, I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.

In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine- no situation is too pressing.

yup, one perfectly horrible dad joke

by **Dendrobates** 05/04/20, 07:17 pm

I'm also halfway into a Howie cookie right now.

by **duffy munn** 05/04/20, 07:17 pm

Oh shit Dendro I totally forgot you can't drink. I'm going to drink for you tonight. Drunk posting later.

by **Dendrobates** 05/04/20, 07:19 pm

duffy munn wrote:Oh shit Dendro I totally forgot you can't drink. I'm going to drink for you tonight. Drunk posting later.

Sweet! I like that. I've been making the husband drink and do shots. I try and live through you guys.

by **DWags** 05/04/20, 07:36 pm

My wife yelled to me from the kitchen, “ hey do you ever get a sharp pain in your chest like someone has a voodoo doll of you and is sticking a pin it?”

I said no.

She yelled back, “how about now?”

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** 05/04/20, 07:45 pm

Red wine tonight in honor

by **The Pantry** 05/04/20, 07:49 pm

My sis and her husband live near Raleigh. She sent me a pic of a mask he'd made from underwear today.

by **duffy munn** 05/04/20, 07:52 pm

My favorite joke seems inappropriate right now so I'll go with this one.

What's the worse thing a girl can hear after blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

by **tGreenWay** 05/04/20, 07:55 pm

About the only thing I can do to make you laugh is send pics of my tiny penis.

by **CORNER BLITZ** 05/04/20, 08:42 pm

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 05/04/20, 08:46 pm

I might have some stories I can dig up.

by **duffy munn** 05/04/20, 08:56 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yf-TNVSCfsQ

by **tGreenWay** 06/04/20, 12:22 am

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I might have some stories I can dig up.

Are you an archaeologist?

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 06/04/20, 12:34 am

God damnit GW. I liked it better when we thought you might have been kidnapped.

by **tGreenWay** 06/04/20, 09:55 am

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:God damnit GW. I liked it better when we thought you might have been kidnapped.

by **tGreenWay** 06/04/20, 03:42 pm

There’s a guy I know who works two jobs. In the evening he is a stand up comedian, and then, after finishing his sets, he works overnight as a high school janitor.
Told me he follows the same format for both jobs, so his comedy starts off super dirty, but by the end he’s cleaned it up.

by **Dendrobates** 06/04/20, 07:06 pm

thanks guys

Keep the stupid shit coming

Wags, I’m going to use that on my husband

And pantry, your poor BIL. No way I would wear that.

Nothing is too inappropriate for me btw.

Corner blitz- a good oldie. Can’t believe how young both of them are in that

GW- id still see it as long as you share that with everyone

OTPT - thanks buddy! Have another one tonight

by aualum06 06/04/20, 07:22 pm

Dendro how is the bro

by **kingstonlake** 06/04/20, 07:55 pm

My 6yr old naked daughter came out of the bathroom and said dad I need your help. We went into the bathroom. “Dad I tried to pee like you do and I pee’d on the seat”. I said “oh sweety it’s ok, girls have to sit when the go potty”. She said “it was an accident, I tried to get real close”

LOL

by **Robert J Sakimano** 06/04/20, 08:16 pm

Okay..

There's a guy working at a men's clothing store. He's bored and just waiting for time to close. About then, a blind guy walks into the store with a seeing eye dog.

The clothing store clerk thinks to himself "okay.. this will be cool. I've never seen a blind guy shopping for clothes before. This could be interesting"..

Right about then, the blind guy reaches down, grabs the dog by the leash and starts slinging him around over his head in big circles.

The store clerk is alarmed.. like 'wtf'.. he runs over to help and goes "sir, may I help you"?1?1?

And the blind guy goes. "No thanks. I'm just looking around".

by **Robert J Sakimano** 06/04/20, 08:19 pm

kingstonlake wrote:My 6yr old naked daughter came out of the bathroom and said dad I need your help. We went into the bathroom. “Dad I tried to pee like you do and I pee’d on the seat”. I said “oh sweety it’s ok, girls have to sit when the go potty”. She said “it was an accident, I tried to get real close”

LOL

classic.

by **tGreenWay** 06/04/20, 08:22 pm

kingstonlake wrote:My 6yr old naked daughter came out of the bathroom and said dad I need your help. We went into the bathroom. “Dad I tried to pee like you do and I pee’d on the seat”. I said “oh sweety it’s ok, girls have to sit when the go potty”. She said “it was an accident, I tried to get real close”

LOL

by **Dendrobates** 06/04/20, 08:22 pm

aualum06 wrote:Dendro how is the bro

Alive. Vented. No fever now last I heard.

kingstonlake wrote:My 6yr old naked daughter came out of the bathroom and said dad I need your help. We went into the bathroom. “Dad I tried to pee like you do and I pee’d on the seat”. I said “oh sweety it’s ok, girls have to sit when the go potty”. She said “it was an accident, I tried to get real close”

LOL

That is funny. Sounds like something even my 2 year old would do.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:Okay..

There's a guy working at a men's clothing store. He's bored and just waiting for time to close. About then, a blind guy walks into the store with a seeing eye dog.

The clothing store clerk thinks to himself "okay.. this will be cool. I've never seen a blind guy shopping for clothes before. This could be interesting"..

Right about then, the blind guy reaches down, grabs the dog by the leash and starts slinging him around over his head in big circles.

The store clerk is alarmed.. like 'wtf'.. he runs over to help and goes "sir, may I help you"?1?1?

And the blind guy goes. "No thanks. I'm just looking around".

Now that’s just sad

by **Robert J Sakimano** 06/04/20, 08:27 pm

Dendrobates wrote:

Now that’s just sad

it's not my fault that you can't see the humor in that one. Wink

by **DWags** 06/04/20, 08:30 pm

kingstonlake wrote:My 6yr old naked daughter came out of the bathroom and said dad I need your help. We went into the bathroom. “Dad I tried to pee like you do and I pee’d on the seat”. I said “oh sweety it’s ok, girls have to sit when the go potty”. She said “it was an accident, I tried to get real close”

LOL

by **Dendrobates** 06/04/20, 08:34 pm

Robert J Sakimano wrote:
Dendrobates wrote:

Now that’s just sad
it's not my fault that you can't see the humor in that one.

I think I’m broken. I usually like fucked up shit Anything funny? Good stories? 502811600

by **Robert J Sakimano** 06/04/20, 08:40 pm

Dendrobates wrote:
Robert J Sakimano wrote: it's not my fault that you can't see the humor in that one.

I think I’m broken. I usually like fucked up shit

nah.. We love ya Dendro!!

by **Nordic** 06/04/20, 09:47 pm

Panda style

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/davidmack/coronavirus-zoo-pandas-mate-hong-kong-ocean-park

Anything funny? Good stories? Sub-buzz-854-1586186492-1

Anything funny? Good stories? Sub-buzz-854-1586186492-1

by **Dendrobates** 06/04/20, 10:10 pm

Nordic wrote:Panda style

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/davidmack/coronavirus-zoo-pandas-mate-hong-kong-ocean-park

Stupid fucking animals. I think I put my zoology degree to good work in saying that is a species to let nature take its course. They're too fucking stupid to reproduce to keep them in existence. Darwin says natural selection. Let them go extinct Anything funny? Good stories? 502811600

#unpopularopinion

by **Nordic** 06/04/20, 10:40 pm

Dendrobates wrote:
Nordic wrote:Panda style

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/davidmack/coronavirus-zoo-pandas-mate-hong-kong-ocean-park

Stupid fucking animals. I think I put my zoology degree to good work in saying that is a species to let nature take its course. They're too fucking stupid to reproduce to keep them in existence. Darwin says natural selection. Let them go extinct

#unpopularopinion

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 06/04/20, 11:11 pm

Do you enjoy awkward stories about pooping during pandemics Dendro? I have a personal one I can relay if so.

by **CORNER BLITZ** 06/04/20, 11:32 pm

[ig]B-pwDL5niYo[/ig]

by **Turtleneck** 06/04/20, 11:40 pm

Nordic wrote:Panda style

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/davidmack/coronavirus-zoo-pandas-mate-hong-kong-ocean-park

Probably not unlike some married couples during all of this. It’s been awhile since Larry looked at Francine like that.

by **Dendrobates** 07/04/20, 07:29 am

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Do you enjoy awkward stories about pooping during pandemics Dendro? I have a personal one I can relay if so.

Bring on the poop stories

by **Dendrobates** 07/04/20, 07:29 am

CORNER BLITZ wrote:[ig]B-pwDL5niYo[/ig]

That's a dad joke with just a slight dirty touch.

by **The Pantry** 07/04/20, 09:10 pm

by **Dendrobates** 07/04/20, 09:13 pm

The Pantry wrote:

so bad

by **The Pantry** 07/04/20, 10:02 pm

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