I fucking hate my next door neighbor

How can I exact revenge on him?

I'll try to make this brief. But it's not gonna be.

Bought house in 2004. Showed up for the first time with my dog in tow (RIP) and he is outside. Shake his hand, introduce myself, and the first thing he says to me is "Your dog doesn't bark, does it? Because I work early, and I can't have a dog barking while I'm trying to sleep."

He has come over to our house to complain the one time dog #2 (now 9 years old) did bark for more than 30 seconds. We are very considerate and mindful of the fact that our dog barks. We get her inside as soon as we can. She is not a nuisance by any means.

He has bitched at every single land scaper/lawn mower we have ever had. It got so bad at one point I had to confront him and tell him if he had a problem he needed to talk to me, and not our landscapers. He apologized meekly, but his behavior hasn't changed.

I hate this turd to the point that I won't even look at him if he's 10 feet away from me if I can avoid it. I'm a friendly motherfucker. But **** this guy.

We have new guys cutting our lawn this year. Super nice guys. I met them outside this week and the guy informed me that the neighbor had already come out to bitch at them, telling them that they better stay away from his property line, and if they couldn't squeeze by without infringing on his yard with their mowers, they better ask me to move my car.

**** this guy. What a cocksucker. Should I burn his house down? Flaming poop in paper bag on door step? I'm open to all suggestions other than fucking his 70 year old fat whore of a wife.

Move?

I know a guy who will stab that fuker if you want him to. PM me

LoneWolfSparty wrote:Move?

It's a good suggestion, but it sounds like way more energy and effort than I currently have in my reserve tanks right now. Plus, we're very comfortable, money wise. I'm having a hard time determining whether that is worth changing. TL;DR - I'd rather kick this motherfucker in the throat.

What should you do? Nothing right now...just vent.

Have a beer and relax. Maybe next week you can consult with a lawyer to see if a restraining order is an option.

pics of his wife?

I think you should rape his wife.

Did I win ? First rape joke On this board ?

GirbaudJeans wrote:I think you should rape his wife.

Did I win ?  First rape joke On this board ?

Nice try, but blanch was here the first week. Unless date rape doesn't count?

y2kMgrad wrote:pics of his wife?

She looks like Seinfeld's mom but fatter. And she's a piece of work in her own right.

She has zero sense of her surroundings. Zero. Her husband is a complete cocksucker and anyone with half a brain could figure that I can't stand them, considering the way I ignore them and don't say hi when they're 10 feet away. Yet, she gets bored and decides to come over and talk to me and/or my wife when we have our hands full with the kids or other stuff. And won't leave, despite one making it super obvious that we have to go.

"Ok, Diane....(fake smile)...it's getting close to Little Fella's bed time. I've got to take them in for dinner."

"Oh. Yeah, I remember back in 1942 when I was 54 and Adolf Hitler made my vagina moist....."

"Ok Diane. This was fun, talk to you later" (closing garage door)

(Diane ducking under closing garage door) "Yeah, that Adolf, his moustache was quite the tickler...."

My neighbor actually called the code enforcement officer out to show him the 4 piles of dog shit in MY YARD. He also put up stakes where he thinks the property line is. When the city came and staked the property line for tree removal, the fucktard took the stakes out and threw them in the middle of my yard.

I had to tear out the flooring in my basement a year ago and I have that pilled up in a massive junk heap behind my house and in plain view, because I know it drives him fucking nuts. I knocked down two trees in late fall and those are still laying there as well. My back yard is a disaster and I don't give a flying **** because that old bastard is the only one who sees it outside of us.

I am hauling the flooring shit to the dump tomorrow, though. I will miss it.

gHost Spartan wrote:I honestly have no issues with you strangling the guy.

Nice. So I take it you will represent me pro bono? Are you licensed in MI?

Let the dog bark (those that are left, sorry), mow during mornings. Annoy the hell out of him during the day. Law's on your side, bro.

One option for revenge could be to have someone bulldoze his house...

http://uptownmagazine.com/2014/05/florida-woman-ana-folch-bulldoze-neighbor-home/

We have Pakistani neighbors that moved in a year ago. They seemed cool, pretty friendly or whatever, until my dog, from my yard, barked at the guy. He told me if my dog barked at him again that he was gonna shoot it.

If he shoots my dog in burning his house down when the family is asleep and that will be the end of that

Ass Dan wrote:We have Pakistani neighbors that moved in  a year ago. They seemed cool, pretty friendly or whatever, until my dog,  from my yard, barked at the guy. He told me if my dog barked at him again that he was gonna shoot it.

If he shoots my dog in burning his house down when the family is asleep and that will be the end of that

This neighborhood dispute sounds the most promising.

DWags wrote:

This neighborhood dispute sounds the most promising.

That dog is my favorite thing in the entire world and I am in no mood to be fucked with.

Ass Dan wrote:

That dog is my favorite thing in the entire world and I am in no mood to be fucked with.

Don't Pakistani's eat dogs?

DWags wrote:

Don't Pakistani's eat dogs?

That would be unsettling, they dump their leftovers from their meals in their backyard, which my dog goes over to and eats.

My next door neighbors are Albanian or some shit, and they have about 18 people living in a 2000 square foot condo.  As if that isn't enough, they always have about dozen more guests/relatives hanging around.  This leads to an incredible amount of trash being strewn around the cul de sac.  ****ing disgusting habit of never picking up after themselves.

I'd burn their condo down, but it's attached to mine.

I have a pakistani neighbor too. We got a long fine until my daughter went on to his property one time and kicked his dog. He confronted me on the phone later and I denied the whole thing, but I knew damn right that she did.

Classic old school revenge would be to install a "spite fence" which would be too high for him to look over.  A "spite hedge" could work as well. Of course local zoning may prohibit these.

Zeke4Heisman wrote:I have a pakistani neighbor too. We got a long fine until my daughter went on to his property one time and kicked his dog. He confronted me on the phone later and I denied the whole thing, but I knew damn right that she did.

I see what you did there

Zeke4Heisman wrote:I have a pakistani neighbor too. We got a long fine until my daughter went on to his property one time and kicked his dog. He confronted me on the phone later and I denied the whole thing, but I knew damn right that she did.

Was she trying to tenderize it for him? Sounds like a considerate daughter.

Why don't you live somewhere where you have space?!? Do you really enjoy living in a poverty subdivision, where everyone feels trapped and hates their life?

Marc Summers wrote:Why don't you live somewhere where you have space?!? Do you really enjoy living in a poverty subdivision, where everyone feels trapped and hates their life?

Where should I move to, nucky?

Ass Dan wrote:We have Pakistani neighbors that moved in  a year ago. They seemed cool, pretty friendly or whatever, until my dog,  from my yard, barked at the guy. He told me if my dog barked at him again that he was gonna shoot it.

If he shoots my dog in burning his house down when the family is asleep and that will be the end of that

I was working in my yard one time, and our neighbor's big ass dog jumped over the chain-link fence, ran up to me and started barking and nipping at my heels. Luckily, the dude got right over there, apologized, and kept the mongrel on a chain after that. I felt bad for the dog, but damn...

Shit on his lawn and when he says your dog did it just say it's too big for a dog. Give him a wink and walk inside.

Ass Dan wrote:

That would be unsettling, they dump their leftovers from their meals in their backyard, which my dog goes over to and eats.

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
The guy threatens to shoot your dog just for barking at him from your own yard, yet you let your "favorite thing in the whole world" roam -- unleashed -- into this nut's backyard?
Seems risky, if not outright stupid, on your part.

18 years ago we moved to the country exactly to avoid this kind of crap. I feel for you. I would build the high fence, but make it attractive so it doesn't detract from your property value for when you sell. You can also bring yourself up to speed on code and property compliance issues and turn yourself into that anonymous prick that complains about everything this guy does but make it legit. Get the neighbors involved as well. I doubt you are the only guy he is a douchenozzle to. Many might be looking for payback.

Damn neighbors. I have some hillbilly nitwits next to me. Thank god they moved their washer and dryer off the front porch and moved it to the backyard junkyard.

Have to stay clear and remember not everyone shares your appreciation of dogs.

However, I would disagree with the notion that a dog barks for only 30 seconds is not a nuisance. That is like saying the siren was only on for 30 seconds, so it is not a nuisance. Your old neighbor may have sleep issues, which would explain both the dog issue and his general cantankerousness.

Peace

tGreenWay wrote:

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
The guy threatens to shoot your dog just for barking at him from your own yard, yet you let your "favorite thing in the whole world" roam -- unleashed -- into this nut's backyard?
Seems risky, if not outright stupid, on your part.

The timeline was not specified. We have since gotten the invisible fence before we were aware that Jawaad was going to break out his AK47.

But yes my dog would go over and eat the food in their yard.

My neighbors got in a loud fight one time. Husband said he was going to kill the wife (in front of the kids). Someone dialed 911 (either the wife or one of the kids). Everything was fine when the cops showed up. They seem like nice people.

Ass Dan wrote:

The timeline was not specified. We have since gotten the invisible fence before we were aware that Jawaad was going to break out his AK47.

But yes my dog would go over and eat the food in their yard.

Is that pronounced Jay-wad? Or Jew-wad? Or Juh-wad? Hay-wad?

Ass Dan wrote:

Where should I move to, nucky?

Ideally, you gotta have a place in the city and a place in the country. I would say one is in a high rise downtown, and the other is on about 5 acres outside. Within about 25 min of each other.

MY dog crapped in my neighbors yard once. He put it in the middle of my driveway and then bitched me out for about 5 minutes. Now I just throw all of my dog's crap in his yard, even got a couple onto his roof.

Vat is da zource of dis problem?  Dat youz don't like to veel bad, dat maybe you iz to blame?

Do you zecretly want a better neighbor?

My advize is acknowledge zat your neighbor is a shnitzle, and pay him no mind.  Imagine if you ver him?  Most azzes, knows day is azzes.  His exzistence is his penance to atone for hiz lack or toleranze.  Ze problem only exzists, if you allow it to exzist.

Only one thing to do. Middle Finger Statue!

Marc Summers wrote:

Ideally, you gotta have a place in the city and a place in the country. I would say one is in a high rise downtown, and the other is on about 5 acres outside. Within about 25 min of each other.

I honestly would do this if I had the money.

Better call SD265 and ask for a loan

Stoops21 wrote:Shit on his lawn and when he says your dog did it just say it's too big for a dog. Give him a wink and walk inside.

This is clearly the advice of someone experienced in these matters, I'd take it to heart......and build a big FU fence

BUMP

Neighbor across the lawn just had his video camera out video taping my 13 year old sister mowing the lawn.

Police have been called.