I have to break up with my girlfriend...

by **Rocinante** 2014-06-06, 21:52

But I don't know how. She's really nice and polite. She's good looking. She's smart. The sex is... pretty good. She's just really self centered and talks about herself and her problems constantly and never asks me about me or seems interested at all when I'm talking about stuff that's important to me. Its fucked up. I can watch her attention drift off like 10 seconds into a sentence. So anyway, there's nothing really particular, but it's just not working and I want to break it off... Tell me how to do it. If I get a good plan, after I dump her I'll think about posting a pic of her.

by Rod Porkmore 2014-06-06, 21:53

Take her on a vacation to Pictured Rocks.

by **The Pantry** 2014-06-06, 21:55

Just post the pic now and show her this thread.

That should get her attention I have to break up with my girlfriend... 276803595

by **Travis of the Cosmos** 2014-06-06, 21:56

I would be willing to put the frame bang on if you're really serious about this.

by **Death Roe** 2014-06-06, 22:17

OP is a faggot for not posting pics.

by **goodbar** 2014-06-06, 22:30

Push the envelope and move the needle. Aggressively and continuously push for anal above all other forms of love making. Tell her you want to explore fight sex. Keep moving the boundaries until your problem takes care of itself.

by Marc Summers 2014-06-06, 22:35

Just start acting really ghetto and treat her like shit. If she likes it, keep her around until you can monkey branch into something better. If she doesn't like it, she will drift away.

by **Gomer** 2014-06-06, 22:35

goodbar wrote:Push the envelope and move the needle. Aggressively and continuously push for anal above all other forms of love making. Tell her you want to explore fight sex. Keep moving the boundaries until your problem takes care of itself.

by **NigelUno** 2014-06-06, 22:43

by JEK 2014-06-06, 22:44

If you don't' have the balls to break up with her, which sounds like the case, then do something to make her break up with you. It's the oldest trick in the book.

by **Travis of the Cosmos** 2014-06-06, 22:45

Wrap your own severed penis in a jewelry box and give it to her as a token of your love.

by EdMartinsLoan 2014-06-06, 22:52

Tell her you're pregnant.

by RubberbandMan 2014-06-06, 22:54

Does she need a boner to cry on? PM me.

by Ted Brogan 2014-06-06, 23:00

It's another Seinfeld thread!

by **tGreenWay** 2014-06-06, 23:17

Give her a reason to dump you; show up in cargo shorts.

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2014-06-06, 23:25

JEK wrote:If you don't' have the balls to break up with her, which sounds like the case, then do something to make her break up with you. It's the oldest trick in the book.

The ol' Zack Morris? Usually ends up backfiring.

Seriously though Rox, you live in Wyoming. You may want to hold on to her until you get something else lined up lest you wind up cold and alone and blowing some dude in an oil field for companionship.

by **DroppedByADime** 2014-06-06, 23:38

Dude. You're in WY. you sure about this ? Pussy has to be scarce......

by SPARTASOTAN 2014-06-06, 23:42

Send her a link to this thread

by **Cym Jim** 2014-06-06, 23:46

Insist on a threesome. Afterwards, tell her you don't feel you can trust her anymore.

by **DWags** 2014-06-07, 00:08

Have your best friend be fucking you in the butt when she comes over. Be on the couch, and have him ramming it up your ass. She walks in, and bam, never have to worry about her again.

I think that should close this thread

by **Travis of the Cosmos** 2014-06-07, 00:12

DWags wrote:Have your best friend be fucking you in the butt when she comes over. Be on the couch, and have him ramming it up your ass. She walks in, and bam, never have to worry about her again.

I think that should close this thread

Wow. Extreme. Just have a picture of his penis and "Justin" tattooed across your chest. Make sure it's nipple to nipple.

by Donjuanmc 2014-06-07, 00:14

DWags wrote:Have your best friend be fucking you in the butt when she comes over. Be on the couch, and have him ramming it up your ass. She walks in, and bam, never have to worry about her again.

I think that should close this thread

I had a suggestion involving a donkey punch, a lion and two unicorns but this is the only correct answer.

by **Rocinante** 2014-06-07, 15:04

Ha!! Funny thing. I actually did propose a threesome last night with her and one of her friends. It didn't go over as horribly as I thought it might....

Also, I'm nearly 40 with a good job, no baggage (well plenty of emotional but no physical) and no kids. The likes of me is sought after by the 30-40 year womens so having a lady is never a problem.

by **tGreenWay** 2014-06-07, 15:14

JEK wrote:If you don't' have the balls to break up with her, which sounds like the case, then do something to make her break up with you. It's the oldest trick in the book.

Start smoking in front of her, or let her catch you in a pick.

by JEK 2014-06-07, 15:32

tGreenWay wrote:

Start smoking in front of her, or let her catch you in a pick.

Have her come home and catch you in a Teletubbie costume banging an amputee midget tranny. That should do the trick.

by **Giant Moose** 2014-06-07, 15:37

Show her this thread.

by **Ass Dan** 2014-06-07, 15:45

NigelUno wrote:

Yawn

by **AMwood** 2014-06-07, 16:11

Rocinante wrote:But I don't know how. She's really nice and polite. She's good looking. She's smart. The sex is... pretty good. She's just really self centered and talks about herself and her problems constantly and never asks me about me or seems interested at all when I'm talking about stuff that's important to me. Its fucked up. I can watch her attention drift off like 10 seconds into a sentence. So anyway, there's nothing really particular, but it's just not working and I want to break it off... Tell me how to do it. If I get a good plan, after I dump her I'll think about posting a pic of her.

i didn't really read this but have i told you about the people in my office? i'm like all of their favorite. if anybody has a problem they always come to me. this one time, one of the doctors in the practice told the patient to just come talk to me because i know so much about that stuff.

by **Rocinante** 2014-06-07, 17:28

AMwood wrote:

i didn't really read this but have i told you about the people in my office? i'm like all of their favorite. if anybody has a problem they always come to me. this one time, one of the doctors in the practice told the patient to just come talk to me because i know so much about that stuff.

How about that?

by **The Pantry** 2014-06-07, 21:07

Rocinante wrote:

How about that?

AMwood, RN.

Did you not know?

by **Snake Plissken** 2014-06-07, 21:08

Tell her you just found out you have ____________(insert whatever the popular std is these days) and she'll need to go get tested. She'll be gone within a week.

by **Rocinante** 2014-06-07, 22:48

The Pantry wrote:AMwood, RN.

Did you not know?

No. But I meant "How about that?" Like what the fucking does that have to do with my problem? This is about me.

by **steveschneider** 2014-06-07, 22:49

Throw some dog poop on her shoes and say I break with thee.

by **goodbar** 2014-06-07, 23:09

Start out with, "Git yer shit outta here. We're done."

Play it by ear from there.

by **AMwood** 2014-06-08, 08:43

Rocinante wrote:

How about that?

uhm, i was trying to be humorous by pretending to be someone like your girlfriend who doesn't give a fucking about your whole thing and is constantly self absorbed and talking about about herself. <sarcasm font>not that i have ever dated anybody like that.<sarcasm font> hint, most crazy bitches have that going. have you tried anal beads?

by **tGreenWay** 2014-06-08, 10:37

AMwood wrote:

uhm, i was trying to be humorous by pretending to be someone like your girlfriend who doesn't give a fucking about your whole thing and is constantly self absorbed and talking about about herself. <sarcasm font>not that i have ever dated anybody like that.<sarcasm font> hint, most crazy bitches have that going. have you tried anal beads?

You forgot to add the forward slash </> to close your sarcasm font. Dummy.

by **Turtleneck** 2014-06-08, 11:33

1) Tell her you got a new job and you have to move. If she finds out you didn't move, tell her the job fell through but you really enjoy the space and want to remain single. This always works.

2) Wear cargo pants and cargo shorts 100% of the time. No matter how formal the event, wear cargo pants or cargo shorts. Tell her it is because they will be more handy during the zombie apocalypse, which of course could start at any moment. Maybe wear a belt with lots of gadgets attached too.

3) Tell her you think Dick Cheney is an a#$hole but kind of hot.

4) Start pooping on the kitchen floor and talking about our robot overlords.

5) Get a male dog. Do not fix the dog. Train the dog to hump her leg. Laugh when the dog is always humping her leg. Make no attempt to stop the dog. When she says you have to decide between her or the dog, choose the dog.

by **Heat Miser** 2014-06-08, 12:47

Tell her you want to give her fellatio.

by **tGreenWay** 2014-06-08, 15:00

Ask if you can have a locket of her hair to wear around your neck. If that doesn't get her to boot you, up the game by asking for a small vial of her blood for the same reason.

If that still doesn't work, tell her you lied about the blood; that it's really just in case she dies and you need to clone another of her.

by Rodeo Burger 2014-06-08, 15:05

Go to her house and take a crap with the door open. Don't flush. Make a habit of this.

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