Kids lying

Do any of you with spam have insight into this? My gf's kids seems to lie a lot. About stupid shit like what she did that day or what she can and can't do. Example, she said yesterday that she drew a picture that she clearly didn't draw. She was adamant about it and got all upset when I called her on it. Up until now, it's like "meh, who cares. Little stuff" but at some point it's probably necessary to make it a "you're in trouble" offense, even for little lies, right?

Spam=spawn.

Oh yeah, she's 5, almost 6.

I'm especially interested in what wbh would do in this situation.

My daughter is starting to lie. It is small things and we try to call her out on it. If I tell her that she needs to eat, she will say "Mommy said I no eat chicken". Or if she wants something it is "Daddy said I have candy". At this point, it is kind of funny and I laugh most the time, and tell her to go get mommy and have mommy tell me what she said. At that point she kind of puts her head down and grumbles. Basically she is trying to manipulate to get what she wants and maybe she knows that we are the authority figures, so if we say its ok, she will get it.

In the end, we force her to stand up outside over night to teach her a lesson. Usually she comes back covered in mosquito bites, but we have medicine for that. If she starts to cry we take her to an empty parking lot and drop her off, then we watch from a distance until she learns her lesson.

I think her mom's probably gotta call her on it. Does she do it to her mom or only to you?

I've tried to stress to mine that there's nothing worse than lying. He doesn't really do it. Sometime he tries to claim he didn't do something like push his little sister when I know he did and it's 4000% transparent. When I call him on it he fesses up. 

I got 99 problems but that ain't one.

I would encourage them to lie as much as possible. They will become top politicans and make a lot of money.

InTenSity wrote:
In the end, we force her to stand up outside over night to teach her a lesson. Usually she comes back covered in mosquito bites, but we have medicine for that. If she starts to cry we take her to an empty parking lot and drop her off, then we watch from a distance until she learns her lesson.

I've done this with my wife, but not my kids yet. Food for thought...

InTenSity wrote:My daughter is starting to lie. It is small things and we try to call her out on it. If I tell her that she needs to eat, she will say "Mommy said I no eat chicken". Or if she wants something it is "Daddy said I have candy". At this point, it is kind of funny and I laugh most the time, and tell her to go get mommy and have mommy tell me what she said. At that point she kind of puts her head down and grumbles. Basically she is trying to manipulate to get what she wants and maybe she knows that we are the authority figures, so if we say its ok, she will get it.

In the end, we force her to stand up outside over night to teach her a lesson. Usually she comes back covered in mosquito bites, but we have medicine for that. If she starts to cry we take her to an empty parking lot and drop her off, then we watch from a distance until she learns her lesson.

She does it with both of us. I think it's a thing that needs to be nipped in the bud now or it'll become a problem. She gets mad as fuck when she gets called on it, so I think even little lies, if she doesn't fess right away should be a sent to her room offense.

My kids have never lied to me. Unless they did and it was good and I believed it. So, win/win. They either don't lie or are really good at it.

Have her watch A Few Good Men. Reenact dramatic scene anytime she denied ordering the Code Red.

DWags wrote:My kids have never lied to me. Unless they did and it was good and I believed it. So, win/win. They either don't lie or are really good at it.

I knew you'd say something like this. Everybody is aware your kids and your wife and your life are all perfect, Wags.

Giant Moose wrote:I would encourage them to lie as much as possible. They will become top politicans and make a lot of money.

or CEO's. Which is pretty much the same thing.

Rocinante wrote:She does it with both of us. I think it's a thing that needs to be nipped in the bud now or it'll become a problem. She gets mad as fuck when she gets called on it, so I think even little lies, if she doesn't fess right away should be a sent to her room offense.

I really don't get why you want to punish her for a skill she is developing. Cultivate what she is good at, and she'll go far in life.

I mostly agree with your thought process Roc. I'd explain to her that telling the truth is very important and she can go to timeout until she is ready to tell the truth. 

If that doesn't work, use the Swill account to tweet @adrianpeterson for advice.

DWags wrote:My kids have never lied to me. Unless they did and it was good and I believed it. So, win/win. They either don't lie or are really good at it.

my suspicion is that they're really good at it.

She is going to be great on the message boards.

InTenSity wrote:If I tell her that she needs to eat, she will say "Mommy said I no eat chicken".

You need a zero tolerance policy for baby talk.

Welcome to my world. It's gotten so bad that they both sit in time out until one of them tells the truth (when lying about who pushed/kicked/hit who). We're like fuck it, you both sit and do nothing. They're starting to figure out how to: (a) get along better, and (b) sort it out themselves instead of tattling on each other CONSTANTLY.

Cym Jim wrote:

InTenSity wrote:If I tell her that she needs to eat, she will say "Mommy said I no eat chicken".

You need a zero tolerance policy for baby talk.

I'm just happy I understand her when she's talking in English.

Does she lie at work/to her employer?

Rocinante wrote:

DWags wrote:My kids have never lied to me. Unless they did and it was good and I believed it.  So, win/win. They either don't lie or are really good at it.

I knew you'd say something like this. Everybody is aware your kids and your wife and your life are all perfect, Wags.

its great being me.  its why im so miserable.  I guess why I know I suck as a father is that I don't think it's that big of a deal.  Kid did or didn't draw the picture. I'd say nice job and move on.  If that scars them for life, oh well.   I lied to my parents, I have no doubt my kids have lied to me.  WTF.  Are you asking my advice?  Cause if you are I say fuck it.  Move on.  If that's bad parent advice, I'll own it.

DWags wrote:

Rocinante wrote:

I knew you'd say something like this. Everybody is aware your kids and your wife and your life are all perfect, Wags.

its great being me.  its why im so miserable.  I guess why I know I suck as a father is that I don't think it's that big of a deal.  Kid did or didn't draw the picture. I'd say nice job and move on.  If that scars them for life, oh well.   I lied to my parents, I have no doubt my kids have lied to me.  WTF.  Are you asking my advice?  Cause if you are I say fuck it.  Move on.  If that's bad parent advice, I'll own it.

Interesting perspective, but nah. Constant lying isn't okay. It sets then up for problems amongst their peers.

Rocinante wrote:

DWags wrote:
its great being me.  its why im so miserable.  I guess why I know I suck as a father is that I don't think it's that big of a deal.  Kid did or didn't draw the picture. I'd say nice job and move on.  If that scars them for life, oh well.   I lied to my parents, I have no doubt my kids have lied to me.  WTF.  Are you asking my advice?  Cause if you are I say fuck it.  Move on.  If that's bad parent advice, I'll own it.

Interesting perspective, but nah. Constant lying isn't okay. It sets then up for problems amongst their peers.

Then I respect what you have planned and it's none of my business. Told you I'd just fuck it up if you asked me.

not saying this is the cure for lying or anything, but right from the get go (I have two boys, 5 and 7) I made it a point that lying was way worse than anything they might get in trouble for. in other words, tell me what you did and it will be better than me finding out later that you lied about it.  its worked pretty good so far.  I'm honest with'em that they'll still get in trouble if they f up...but it'll be way better for them if they own it up front.  my hope is that when the time comes and they're in a spot that's much bigger than "who spilled this gotdamn sugar all over the kitchen floor?", that they'll feel safe letting me know they need help (a ride home when they or the driver they're with is blasted for example)

goodbar wrote:not saying this is the cure for lying or anything, but right from the get go (I have two boys, 5 and 7) I made it a point that lying was way worse than anything they might get in trouble for. in other words, tell me what you did and it will be better than me finding out later that you lied about it.  its worked pretty good so far.  I'm honest with'em that they'll still get in trouble if they f up...but it'll be way better for them if they own it up front.  my hope is that when the time comes and they're in a spot that's much bigger than "who spilled this gotdamn sugar all over the kitchen floor?", that they'll feel safe letting me know they need help (a ride home when they or the driver they're with is blasted for example)

That's what I'm talking about. Like I'm lucky I'm not dead, and I'd prefer if she doesn't have to get lucky to live until she's 20.

goodbar wrote:not saying this is the cure for lying or anything, but right from the get go (I have two boys, 5 and 7) I made it a point that lying was way worse than anything they might get in trouble for. in other words, tell me what you did and it will be better than me finding out later that you lied about it.  its worked pretty good so far.  I'm honest with'em that they'll still get in trouble if they f up...but it'll be way better for them if they own it up front.  my hope is that when the time comes and they're in a spot that's much bigger than "who spilled this gotdamn sugar all over the kitchen floor?", that they'll feel safe letting me know they need help (a ride home when they or the driver they're with is blasted for example)

yep.. the cover up is worse than whatever action it is/was they're attempting to distract you away from.

i'm a big proponent of the opened hand smack to the mouth. when she clears the cobwebs then ask her again, "now, WHO drew the picture?"

as for the random unimportant silly lies, don't sweat that shit. just roll with it, they're only being creative. like if my 5 year old told me that today he jumped over the neighbor's house or whatever, I'll just follow that up with something even more ridiculous like "oh yeah? that's awesome. I picked up two 18 wheelers today, swung'em around my head like I was a fool, and then tossed them out into Lake Michigan." they get the point that you didn't believe their story and they shouldn't believe yours.

AMwood wrote:i'm a big proponent of the opened hand smack to the mouth. when she clears the cobwebs then ask her again, "now, WHO drew the picture?"

"SSHHHHH! don't cry. dooooon't you fucking cry. if your mom comes in here I'll smack her silly too. you want that? is that what you want? you want me to smack your mom? then stop crying."

Maybe these kids should have jobs. They are bored sitting around doing nothing all day. Maybe take away their cushy spoiled lifestyles and put them to work.

I should stop lying to my daughter. I tell her things like, your pretty, your special, Mommy loves you. Maybe then she would stop lying to me.

goodbar wrote:as for the random unimportant silly lies, don't sweat that shit. just roll with it, they're only being creative. like if my 5 year old told me that today he jumped over the neighbor's house or whatever, I'll just follow that up with something even more ridiculous like "oh yeah? that's awesome. I picked up two 18 wheelers today, swung'em around my head like I was a fool, and then tossed them out into Lake Michigan." they get the point that you didn't believe their story and they shouldn't believe yours.

Generally that's the way it's been handled, but the fact that she gets so damn irritated when you make it clear you know she's full of shit is what makes it worse. She doubles down on her lie and makes it a thing which is what pisses me off.

InTenSity wrote:I should stop lying to my daughter. I tell her things like, your pretty, your special, Mommy loves you. Maybe then she would stop lying to me.

Never thought about that. Good point. Tell your kids the truth and maybe they will not lie to you. Start with stuff like "you were a fucking accident and drive me towards alcoholism."

Rocinante wrote:

goodbar wrote:as for the random unimportant silly lies, don't sweat that shit. just roll with it, they're only being creative.  like if my 5 year old told me that today he jumped over the neighbor's house or whatever, I'll just follow that up with something even more ridiculous like "oh yeah? that's awesome. I picked up two 18 wheelers today, swung'em around my head like I was a fool, and then tossed them out into Lake Michigan."  they get the point that you didn't believe their story and they shouldn't believe yours.

Generally that's the way it's been handled, but the fact that she gets so damn irritated when you make it clear you know she's full of shit is what makes it worse. She doubles down on her lie and makes it a thing which is what pisses me off.

That part is called 'being five'. Trust me on this one, I'm pre-med.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

Rocinante wrote:

Generally that's the way it's been handled, but the fact that she gets so damn irritated when you make it clear you know she's full of shit is what makes it worse. She doubles down on her lie and makes it a thing which is what pisses me off.

That part is called 'being five'. Trust me on this one, I'm pre-med.

I thought you were pre-law?

InTenSity wrote:I should stop lying to my daughter. I tell her things like, your pretty, your special, Mommy loves you. Maybe then she would stop lying to me.

when our daughter (sorry For bin) figured out that Santa wasn't real she was devastated for a bit..

then she collected herself and through these big blue eyes welled up with tears, she goes "daddie, does that mean that the tooth fairy isn't real, too" - I looked at her with a bit of exasperation and I go, "sweetie, what do you think"? And she busted out laughing.. with this "wtf - who would believe something like that" look on her face.. tears gone.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

Rocinante wrote:

Generally that's the way it's been handled, but the fact that she gets so damn irritated when you make it clear you know she's full of shit is what makes it worse. She doubles down on her lie and makes it a thing which is what pisses me off.

That part is called 'being five'. Trust me on this one, I'm pre-med.

I know she's flexing her little independence muscles. Sometimes it's cute. Sometimes.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:

InTenSity wrote:I should stop lying to my daughter. I tell her things like, your pretty, your special, Mommy loves you. Maybe then she would stop lying to me.

when our daughter (sorry For bin) figured out that Santa wasn't real she was devastated for a bit..

then she collected herself and through these big blue eyes welled up with tears, she goes "daddie, does that mean that the tooth fairy isn't real, too" - I looked at her with a bit of exasperation and I go, "sweetie, what do you think"? And she busted out laughing.. with this "wtf - who would believe something like that" look on her face.. tears gone.

Pretty sure Santa is real, Bob.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:

goodbar wrote:not saying this is the cure for lying or anything, but right from the get go (I have two boys, 5 and 7) I made it a point that lying was way worse than anything they might get in trouble for. in other words, tell me what you did and it will be better than me finding out later that you lied about it.  its worked pretty good so far.  I'm honest with'em that they'll still get in trouble if they f up...but it'll be way better for them if they own it up front.  my hope is that when the time comes and they're in a spot that's much bigger than "who spilled this gotdamn sugar all over the kitchen floor?", that they'll feel safe letting me know they need help (a ride home when they or the driver they're with is blasted for example)

yep.. the cover up is worse than whatever action it is/was they're attempting to distract you away from.

Nixon needed that advice.