Dammit, I dropped my beer

Fuck me, right?  There's this local beer I like that I haven't been able to find for a while (like - 2 months), so I've been supplementing with other stuff (a/k/a "You name it").  But dammit, I wanted beer today.

Stuck out to the local discount beer place, that always carries that local beer.  He was out.  We had a long conversation about how the brewer hadn't made anything in a while, had health problems, was in the hospital for weeks, etc., etc., leading me to the feeling that if it was beer I wanted, I'd better settle on a different one.

This discount store is the shit -- tons of different kinds of beer, from Bud Light to Lagunitas to everything else you can imagine, in a massive cold room (so it's all ready to drink, ya dig).  I wandered through, talking to him, and finally settled on a couple of 6's I hadn't tried before by a brewer I knew and thought was okay, as well as a 4 of tall boys (cans) that I liked (to save the day if the other 6's sucked).  

Got home, with the 6's in one paper bag, and the tall boys in another paper bag.  Picked up both bags, heard a rip, tried to save it, and...GODDAMMIT.  Lost the tall boys entirely, and was in the process of losing both 6's when I took emergency measures.  Watched the tall boys bounce on the ice and pop out of the plastic yoke (three of them, anyway).  Bent over to grab the yoke with the one still in it, and GODDAMMIT, it was hissing beer.  MY BEER.  GODDAMMIT.  Sprayed all over my jacket, too, goddammit.  

Put the hissing fucker down on the step, left the other tall boys in the ice, cradled the 6's like they were my children and got them into the goddamned refrigerator.  Went back for the tall boys on ice (no hissing), got them into the refrigerator thinking, "Fuck it.  I'll drink them fast if I need to."  Went back for the hisser, which by now had stopped hissing, but had a pool of MY BEER on top, right next to the fucking dent in the fucking can.  Brought it back, stuck it on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator to make sure I knew which was which before, uh, pouring it.  

Had one of the 6's (not bad - a limited edition from Tuckerman Brewing, "TRale Light and Refreshing Kolsch Style Beer," no idea what the ABV is on the fucker, just saying).  Then I gave my situation a think.  Why, that hisser was going to go flat if extreme measures weren't taken.  It was some pretty expensive shit, too (Helles Lager from Moat Mountain Brewing Company -- don't know how much it was, now, but the whole thing cost me $30, and I'm no baller like SpartanDawg 10359238y49123y12iy381735624y98329847238974).  Extreme measures -- ENGAGE.

So I pulled that bad boy out of the refrigerator, a pool of MY BEER still on top.  I gently pushed the "key" down to open the can, and it broke.  In my hand.  

Good thing the fucker was already dented and open, amirite?  Poured that fucker, squeezing the can for all it was worth.  Came out to about 16 ounces, which tells you how much of MY BEER is on my driveway, my coat, my back steps, and the bottom shelf of my refrigerator.

Could be better, could be worse.  I'm still questioning my judgment in having the hissing fucker instead of another TRale Limited Edition (because it wasn't bad), or something from the other 6 (which was 6.8%ABV, so maybe that might have been a bad idea).  

Let me have a sip from the hisser and get back to you.  

#WBHtl;dr

Your story was long and pointless. Suck less.

I think I'll wait for the movie.

Fuck your beer, fuck your story, fuck your face.

Ass Dan for prez.

I thought tall boys = 16 ozers, nah? Or these the 20 variety?

Triple Sparty wrote:I thought tall boys = 16 ozers, nah? Or these the 20 variety?

24 ounces, most likely.

Turtleneck wrote:I think I'll wait for the movie.

I'll wait for the Vine.

I have never seen 24 ozers in plastic ringies. Usually sold solo. I'm beginning to question the story. Especially because who doesn't carry beer filled bags from the bottom??

Craft beer dorkery is soooooooo 2015.

Cym Jim wrote:Craft beer dorkery is soooooooo 2015.

Eat a butt

I read literally none of this. I drink more bourbon than beer these days.

Cym Jim wrote:Craft beer dorkery is soooooooo 2015.

Says the guy whose home country prefers beer at room temperature.

DWags wrote:Budweiser, cold, in a can. Fuck you. Oh, and hot dogs with only mustard. Fucking nancies.

This argument always cracks me up. Maybe for Opening Day, I'll have a dog with ketchup and mustard. Just for spite.

DWags wrote:#unamerican

#Americanseatwhattheywant.

Craft beer is okay, but the people who brag about drinking it, and bash other peoples' tastes, need to pull that cock out of their asshole.

This fucking thread. God dammit.

DWags wrote:Budweiser, cold, in a can. Fuck you. Oh, and hot dogs with only mustard. Fucking nancies.

Don't forget the damn onions

DWags wrote:Budweiser, cold, in a can. Fuck you. Oh, and hot dogs with only mustard. Fucking nancies.

32X32
5'10"
168 lbs
42 RHR
116/72 mm/Hg

DWags wrote:5'11"

219
54
Bad eyes,
36x32
blood pressure might be high, who knows.  
HR depends on the game I'm watching and how drunk I am.

my resting heart rate has always been alarmingly low.. it's mainly attributed to my vagus nerve. And also the fact that I'm somewhat of an aerobic machine.

Was at the doctor just this morning.. this is after running this morning, doing a few things around the house, getting to the doctor, etc - RHR was still 52 bpm. I've woken up and it's in the 30's before.

Fasting glucose please

Robert J Sakimano wrote:

DWags wrote:5'11"

219
54
Bad eyes,
36x32
blood pressure might be high, who knows.  
HR depends on the game I'm watching and how drunk I am.

my resting heart rate has always been alarmingly low.. it's mainly attributed to my vagus nerve. And also the fact that I'm somewhat of an aerobic machine.

Was at the doctor just this morning.. this is after running this morning, doing a few things around the house, getting to the doctor, etc - RHR was still 52 bpm. I've woken up and it's in the 30's before.

Humble brag.

Turtleneck wrote:Fasting glucose please

lemme check..

(got my paperwork in a folder)

Watch Out Pylon! wrote:

Robert J Sakimano wrote:


my resting heart rate has always been alarmingly low.. it's mainly attributed to my vagus nerve. And also the fact that I'm somewhat of an aerobic machine.

Was at the doctor just this morning.. this is after running this morning, doing a few things around the house, getting to the doctor, etc - RHR was still 52 bpm. I've woken up and it's in the 30's before.

Humble brag.

hey, if my resting heart rate is the most admirable trait that I possess, you should just let me enjoy it.

Turtleneck wrote:Fasting glucose please

dammit.. no fasting glucose panels were done. Mainly concerned with WBC, platelet count and lactate dehydrogenase levels.

“ESPN is an inclusive company”

So inclusive they employ half a dozen wolverines.

and yeah, it's not Schilling's first trip to the doghouse.

NigelUno wrote:http://nesn.com/2016/04/curt-schilling-fired-by-espn-day-after-sharing-anti-transgender-meme/

Didn't he get in trouble before?

Yeah he's not the brightest light

He's a fucking moron. He compared Muslims to Nazis last summer.

Guy is clearly a winner...

Good. Jackass.

+1 ESPN. Good on ya. It's about time.

ESPN should also fire Sarina Morales.  She's awful in the morning.  Not pleasant to see or listen to.  Complete fails at being witty.  

She either has a relative that works high up at ESPN or blew someone to get the job.

Curt probably likes pasteurized milk.

*leaves thread for good, keeps line cast*