Re: I'm screwed for life now

by MattyFresh 2017-02-21, 19:25

Grats Dendro, and you will be fine but best of luck, seriously get a rabbits foot.

by **Motown Spartan** 2017-02-21, 19:42

What The ACTUAL Fuck?

by **Dendrobates** 2017-02-21, 20:40

Motown Spartan wrote:What The ACTUAL Fuck?

Well...what happened was I still somehow managed to drop an egg even on birth control. Then the husband and I were fucking around a lot (could not tell you any specific dates of conception), and his sperm met my egg.

Now I have this parasitic girl growing in me, and I'm freaking the fuck out.

At least the tons of in-laws that live by me will lend lots of helping hands, that I may not have to do that much. So I've got that going for me.

by **pulling69** 2017-02-21, 20:41

You could always sell it...Use that new monies for booze and better football tickets.

by **Dendrobates** 2017-02-21, 20:44

pulling69 wrote:You could always sell it...Use that new monies for booze and better football tickets.

Could be used for booze, yes. But football tickets? It's not worth buying better tickets with the clusterfuck of a team we have.

by **Motown Spartan** 2017-02-21, 21:08

What THE Actual fuck?

by **Dendrobates** 2017-02-21, 21:13

Motown Spartan wrote:What THE Actual fuck?

I don't know. If you have some suggestions just PM me.

by **Snake Plissken** 2017-02-21, 21:43

Dendrobates wrote:
pulling69 wrote:You could always sell it...Use that new monies for booze and better football tickets.

Could be used for booze, yes. But football tickets? It's not worth buying better tickets with the clusterfuck of a team we have.

Sad, but true

by MattyFresh 2017-02-21, 21:56

Dendrobates wrote:
Motown Spartan wrote:What THE Actual fuck?

I don't know. If you have some suggestions just PM me.

can i get a PM

by **Robert J Sakimano** 2017-02-22, 08:08

Dendrobates wrote:
Robert J Sakimano wrote:congrats.. life will definitely be different.. and exponentially more fulfilling.

my unsolicited advice..don't raise them like babies.. raise them like adults. Read to them like they're adults, talk to them like they're adults.. listen to the music you want to listen to.. don't overly edit yourself or those around you (within reason and, of course, make sure things are age-appropriate).. stimulate them constantly with conversation, dialogue and debate.. use big words. Challenge them. Be respectful of them and honor them and expect nothing less than that in return. Outline expectations clearly and deliberately and follow through with consequences.

and be sure to take them to bars and rock shows.

This is exactly how I would be.

it'll make your life much more comfortable.. (just my opinion).

by TheReal_LWS 2017-02-22, 08:09

Dendrobates wrote:
Motown Spartan wrote:What The ACTUAL Fuck?

Well...what happened was I still somehow managed to drop an egg even on birth control. Then the husband and I were fucking around a lot (could not tell you any specific dates of conception), and his sperm met my egg.

Now I have this parasitic girl growing in me, and I'm freaking the fuck out.

At least the tons of in-laws that live by me will lend lots of helping hands, that I may not have to do that much. So I've got that going for me.

Okay now you are just scaring me. Seriously, it is a blessing and you should really start thinking of HER that way, not "parasitic". Wow. Remember, everyone of us (except for Adam and Eve) came from similar beginnings.

by **Watch Out Pylon!** 2017-02-22, 08:10

TheReal_LWS wrote:
Dendrobates wrote:

Well...what happened was I still somehow managed to drop an egg even on birth control. Then the husband and I were fucking around a lot (could not tell you any specific dates of conception), and his sperm met my egg.

Now I have this parasitic girl growing in me, and I'm freaking the fuck out.

At least the tons of in-laws that live by me will lend lots of helping hands, that I may not have to do that much. So I've got that going for me.

Okay now you are just scaring me. Seriously, it is a blessing and you should really start thinking of HER that way, not "parasitic". Wow. Remember, everyone of us (except for Adam and Eve) came from similar beginnings.

No one cares about your fake fairy tales.

by **Motown Spartan** 2017-02-22, 09:01

TheReal_LWS wrote:
Dendrobates wrote:

Well...what happened was I still somehow managed to drop an egg even on birth control. Then the husband and I were fucking around a lot (could not tell you any specific dates of conception), and his sperm met my egg.

Now I have this parasitic girl growing in me, and I'm freaking the fuck out.

At least the tons of in-laws that live by me will lend lots of helping hands, that I may not have to do that much. So I've got that going for me.

Okay now you are just scaring me. Seriously, it is a blessing and you should really start thinking of HER that way, not "parasitic". Wow. Remember, everyone of us (except for Adam and Eve) came from similar beginnings.

If we all came from similar beginnings, why do you hate those that aren't middle aged white people?

by Guest 2017-02-22, 11:01

Soon Dendro will be able amuse us with tweets like these:

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 A61e53c3-ad38-4857-a7a3-e4483f10cc15

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 83b2c7b5-2f9d-4fbe-a64d-5d9606b36854

by **Watch Out Pylon!** 2017-02-23, 13:41

LooseGoose wrote:Soon Dendro will be able amuse us with tweets like these:

I don't know why you got downvoted, so here, have an upvote.

by **tGreenWay** 2017-02-23, 14:39

Think about this, Dendro: Pregnancy makes you want to vomit at the beginning and scream in pain at the end. You have 18 years to settle the score.

by Izzo Court 2017-02-23, 14:41

Don't worry your kid is going to teach you everything you need to know. Then one day she will come home from school with this.

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 16807418_10155264619929305_6065862485488541012_n

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 16807418_10155264619929305_6065862485488541012_n

by **tGreenWay** 2017-02-23, 14:45

Izzo Court wrote:Don't worry your kid is going to teach you everything you need to know. Then one day she will come home from school with this.

Tanfan's schoolwork? That belongs in the MSU museum.

by **Rocinante** 2017-02-23, 14:49

Izzo Court wrote:Don't worry your kid is going to teach you everything you need to know. Then one day she will come home from school with this.

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 502811600

Other than being about MSU, I have gotten this exact thing many times as a "gift".

by **DWags** 2017-02-23, 15:09

Izzo Court wrote:Don't worry your kid is going to teach you everything you need to know. Then one day she will come home from school with this.

Fucking Alsom!!!

by MattyFresh 2017-03-05, 00:02

per request from 'I learned today'... While breastfeeding if your newborn is falling asleep, tickle their feet to keep them awake.

by Guest 2017-03-15, 22:35

by **Nordic** 2017-03-15, 23:32

Izzo Court wrote:Don't worry your kid is going to teach you everything you need to know. Then one day she will come home from school with this.

Looks like Honar's Cool3ge type work

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2017-03-15, 23:37

I'm a fan of that artwork

by **Rocinante** 2017-04-04, 14:15

I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

by **Floyd Robertson** 2017-04-04, 14:25

Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 1550444538

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 969504605

by **Rocinante** 2017-04-04, 14:26

Floyd Robertson wrote:
Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats

Thanks.

Assuming all goes well, I'll be a first time dad at 43.

by **DWags** 2017-04-04, 14:27

Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats man you'll love it.

by Guest 2017-04-04, 15:03

Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats! You'll be much more attractive to women now that you're a proven breeder.

by **Dendrobates** 2017-04-04, 16:00

Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats man. Shall we piss and moan together? I just wish I could get my drink on to drown my sorrows. You can at least. Your boy better have something good going for him for my girl to hook up with. I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 502811600

Maybe we should meet up for a bitch fest one of these days. Where are you at again? I'm in the macomb area.
So when is your little woman due?

by **Dendrobates** 2017-04-04, 16:01

LooseGoose wrote:
Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats! You'll be much more attractive to women now that you're a proven breeder.

This is a true fact about most women (except me). When they see a dad being a dad, women are instantly attracted to them and consider fucking the guy. Women are bat shit crazy man. I don't get it.

by **tGreenWay** 2017-04-04, 16:27

Dendrobates wrote:
Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats man. Shall we piss and moan together? I just wish I could get my drink on to drown my sorrows. You can at least. Your boy better have something good going for him for my girl to hook up with.
Maybe we should meet up for a bitch fest one of these days. Where are you at again? I'm in the macomb area.
So when is your little woman due?

How about a quarter-mil in debt to chiro college? Will that be sexy enough for your first born?

by **tGreenWay** 2017-04-04, 16:29

Also, big congrats, Roc. Just don't become the dad from Cats in the Cradle.

by **Dendrobates** 2017-04-04, 16:45

tGreenWay wrote:
Dendrobates wrote:

Congrats man. Shall we piss and moan together? I just wish I could get my drink on to drown my sorrows. You can at least. Your boy better have something good going for him for my girl to hook up with.
Maybe we should meet up for a bitch fest one of these days. Where are you at again? I'm in the macomb area.
So when is your little woman due?

How about a quarter-mil in debt to chiro college? Will that be sexy enough for your first born?

What's worse is we were married before all that debt. I'm the dumb one who stuck with him. We joke about that still. Kid has got to learn from her mothers mistakes. I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 1494614055

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 1494614055

by **tGreenWay** 2017-04-04, 16:55

Dendrobates wrote:
tGreenWay wrote:

How about a quarter-mil in debt to chiro college? Will that be sexy enough for your first born?

What's worse is we were married before all that debt. I'm the dumb one who stuck with him. We joke about that still. Kid has got to learn from her mothers mistakes.

Teach your children well.

by Izzo Court 2017-04-04, 17:22

Dendrobates wrote:
LooseGoose wrote:

Congrats! You'll be much more attractive to women now that you're a proven breeder.

This is a true fact about most women (except me). When they see a dad being a dad, women are instantly attracted to them and consider fucking the guy. Women are bat shit crazy man. I don't get it.

I think you're overstating that fact. I walk my 1st grader to school with my 3 year old and our puppy and the only soccer mom that has hit on me was the one with the lazy eye and facial hair.

by **tGreenWay** 2017-04-04, 17:26

Izzo Court wrote:
Dendrobates wrote:

This is a true fact about most women (except me). When they see a dad being a dad, women are instantly attracted to them and consider fucking the guy. Women are bat shit crazy man. I don't get it.

I think you're overstating that fact. I walk my 1st grader to school with my 3 year old and our puppy and the only soccer mom that has hit on me was the one with the lazy eye and facial hair.

So, you're at +1. Nice.
Meanwhile, hey Dendro, mind if I borrow the parasite every once in a while? I'll take her to the nicest parks in EL, Okemos, and Haslett, plus a leisurely stroll down Grand River Ave. I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 55953254

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 55953254

I'm screwed for life now - Page 3 3557613862

by **Rocinante** 2017-04-04, 18:41

Dendrobates wrote:
Rocinante wrote:I too am screwed for life now. Hopefully my boy can knock up your daughter in 20 years when they are both at MSU and we can start this cycle all over again.

Congrats man. Shall we piss and moan together? I just wish I could get my drink on to drown my sorrows. You can at least. Your boy better have something good going for him for my girl to hook up with.
Maybe we should meet up for a bitch fest one of these days. Where are you at again? I'm in the macomb area.
So when is your little woman due?

November. Just in time to take the kid down to the Christmas stroll in a sling. All the ladies will be like <3

P.S. I'm in Wyoming. The state not Wyoming MI. So yeah, roll on out here!

by MSU addict 2017-04-04, 18:46

Rocinante wrote:Thanks.

Assuming all goes well, I'll be a first time dad at 43.

You are young. I was over 50 when my daughter was born.

by **The Pantry** 2017-04-04, 19:23

MSU addict wrote:
Rocinante wrote:Thanks.

Assuming all goes well, I'll be a first time dad at 43.
You are young. I was over 50 when my daughter was born.

wow. Did women at the grocery store ever refer to you as grandpa? Wink

Maybe it's not too late for GreenWay to procreate affraid

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