I'm out of booty wipes - Please suggest an alternative

Turtleneck wrote:

I'm on mobile.

tGreenWay wrote:

Interesting. I could use a used coffee filter and enjoy an entirely different aroma back there.

So like, what type of aroma do you usually enjoy back there?

Does this mean you are texting from the shitter?

Here are my suggestions:

Penguin-run out back to the garden hose

Spray family dog with garden hose and straddle

Shelled corn cob

Detroit newspaper

One of those pool noodle thingys

Sanitary napkin or Kotex

Spread peanut butter on your bannister and slide down it

Baby diaper

Taylor Lewan forehead...Nik Stauskis face if Taylor Lewan not available

Spinning bike tire

Paper towel roll with only one paper towel left and coated in Icy Hot

Ice cream scoop

Sit in a large pile of baby powder and rub ass in circular motion on floor to spin off powdered poop balls

Q-tips and a steady hand

Other family member's tooth brush, preferably Oral-B so you can reach the back

Vibrator wrapped in a towel placed in cheese grater

Hard boiled egg

Unwanted stuffed-animal dipped in toilet water

Hot dog bun

Cotton balls attached to the end of an apple corer and a friend to operate the crank

Get a two liter of Diet Coke, place in toilet, drop Mentos in bottle, sit on toilet

Back up bare bottom to dog with large tongue, cup balls to avoid ejaculation

Izzo Court wrote:Drag your ass on the living room carpet.

Kinda like a cat in heat. Great idea.