"Borderline" Farts

Never trust a shaky fart. I learned this the hard way recently. Discuss.

I've shit my pants twice in the last year, both technically sharts I suppose. Sometimes you just get a little more than you bargained for.

Sophomore year, my roommates and I had made the great decision to stop at White Castle and pick up a couple of crave cases. We headed back to the dorms, put on a movie, and went to town on the sliders. About 45 minutes later, one of my roommates farts and then sprints out of the room. Shat his pants. White Castle sharts smell terrible, like a regular fart fucked a skunk and gave birth to a rotten onion.

Gob Bluth wrote:Sophomore year, my roommates and I had made the great decision to stop at White Castle and pick up a couple of crave cases. We headed back to the dorms, put on a movie, and went to town on the sliders. About 45 minutes later, one of my roommates farts and then sprints out of the room. Shat his pants. White Castle sharts smell terrible, like a regular fart fucked a skunk and gave birth to a rotten onion.

I approve of this post.

Gob Bluth wrote:Sophomore year, my roommates and I had made the great decision to stop at White Castle and pick up a couple of crave cases. We headed back to the dorms, put on a movie, and went to town on the sliders. About 45 minutes later, one of my roommates farts and then sprints out of the room. Shat his pants. White Castle sharts smell terrible, like a regular fart fucked a skunk and gave birth to a rotten onion.

That's an insult to regular farts, skunks, and rotten onions. Seriously WC gas should be listed as a WMD.

LoneWolfSparty wrote:

That's an insult to regular farts, skunks, and rotten onions. Seriously WC gas should be listed as a WMD.

It was unholy. Mustard gas would've been a more desirable alternative.

Ever have one of those weird feeling reverse farts when seated? Hard to describe. They don't come out like normal and somehow percolate up your crack and come out at the top of your butt. Always afraid of a shart when that happens

Went golfing a few weeks ago... Farted for the first four holes quite frequently. All of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks; I had to shit... BAD. I ended up finding a little plot of woods/trees on the course, around the 5th hole, and dropped trou. I thought it'd be a small load, but man.... it was an entire deposit. No port-a-johns in sight at all. Ugh.

I didn't have enough napkins and had to use my undershirt   Walked from the woods, onto the green and got a par. Par and poo!

I know I'm gonna have a problem when my farts come out hot. Like, burn the asshole hot. I don't play that game, immediately I go to the bathroom and do what I can to get em all out.

Gob Bluth wrote:Sophomore year, my roommates and I had made the great decision to stop at White Castle and pick up a couple of crave cases. We headed back to the dorms, put on a movie, and went to town on the sliders. About 45 minutes later, one of my roommates farts and then sprints out of the room. Shat his pants. White Castle sharts smell terrible, like a regular fart fucked a skunk and gave birth to a rotten onion.

......and precisely why I haven't eaten there in about 15 years. Don't have the stomach for it: literally

Spartyon1 wrote:


......and precisely why I haven't eaten there in about 15 years. Don't have the stomach for it: literally

You literally don't have a stomach?

Ass Dan wrote:I know I'm gonna have a problem when my farts come out hot.  Like, burn the asshole hot.  I don't play that game, immediately I go to the bathroom and do what I can to get em all out.

The hot farts smell like hell on earth too. I always wondered what made them feel so hot. A fart is a fart, so they should all be 98.6 degrees right? Or maybe there's some unholy chemical reaction that takes place that causes the hot farts. Scientists could figure it out easily enough, but no one wants to be around the hot farts, so the mystery persists.