Baton Rouge Shooting - Alton Sterling Dead

For the record- I don't know what anyone said to you in this thread. So I'm sorry if I'm off base on that. Maybe I shouldn't speak for them. I didn't read the thread. I'm not in the mood for the cop stuff today. It's just the same old song and dance and everyone knows how I feel anyway. I scanned through the last page when I noticed that there were like 20 replies since he last time I looked and I saw my name. Otherwise I wasn't going to get involved.

xsanguine wrote:
Without reading the story I'm going to assume he was about to go to college and dindu nuffin

This isn't racist at all bro.

Look, Travis, not to get all sentimental... but I like you. Just like I like Turtleneck and OTPT. When I like people I tend to think I'm comfortable with them enough to give them shit and them to realize I'm just giving them shit. I realize it comes across through text in a very neutral way that is hard to ascertain. I'm not saying this to garner sympathy and I've tried all day to really, really, really not go here because I don't think it should be used as any sort of excuse... but I just found out today that I lost both of my parents unexpectedly (car accident on 131). I'm just saying that to maybe give some understanding of why I'm acting out.

I'm really, really sorry for saying mean things to you. I even disparaged by own degree (not that I've ever used it for anything) when speaking with OTPT but if I'm to use whatever knowledge I may have gained I think I'm being mean because I don't know how else to react. This is stupid and gay as shit (and not gay as in homosexual, I mean gay in the school yard pejorative sense)... but I'm really sorry for being mean to you. It's uncalled for and I wish I hadn't done it. My day has been spent going through a lot of emotions I haven't had to confront ever in my life.

I'm an extremely forgiving person which is why all Roc had to do is give the slightest hint of empathy and it went a long way for me. I really don't want sympathy, though. I appreciate the thoughts but I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm responding to people this way. Usually I would just argue with OTPT and that'd be the end of it but some reason today all I wanted to do is take a crowbar to him. I've already gotten into one serious confrontation in line at the gas station that was uncalled for and probably due to my appearance the other guy backed down and it was diffused.

I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean any of it and I don't even require any special treatment. I shouldn't be saying these things to anyone, message board people or not. I'm just not sure what to do with myself and I'm trying my best just to appear normal. I'm not a crier and so far I've managed to avoid that. But unfortunately my emotions seem to manifest themselves in anger.

Jesus I feel like such a fag even explaining all of this....(and I mean fag in the school yard term... not the disparaging homosexuals term (in fact it was my gay friends that gave me the confidence to use it in certain instances)... I love me the gays and I've made this clear in the past).

I don't know what that last part was even supposed to mean.... I need to type and I'm rambling even more than usual. If it's not cool, let me know.

Rocinante wrote:

xsanguine wrote:
Without reading the story I'm going to assume he was about to go to college and dindu nuffin

This isn't racist at all bro.

If you're being sarcastic... it really isn't. It's certainly prejudice. I'll admit that all day. But these two terms have been misused so much in the last 15 years.

Either way it doesn't matter. Whatever... fuck it...

It's cool dude. Don't worry about it. In truth I haven't been in the best of moods lately either, but it sounds like you have a lot more you're dealing with. Seriously, as far as I'm concerned it's done now. You're gonna get as much leeway from me as you need. Don't worry about it. Let's e hug.

Travis of the Cosmos wrote:

Maybe we just start fresh, huh? Let it go and move on?

I would like that, if it's at all possible.

Travis of the Cosmos wrote:It's cool dude. Don't worry about it. In truth I haven't been in the best of moods lately either, but it sounds like you have a lot more you're dealing with. Seriously, as far as I'm concerned it's done now. You're gonna get as much leeway from me as you need. Don't worry about it. Let's e hug.

I'm really, really sorry man. I don't know what to do with myself. But that's my own deal. I just want to make it very, very clear that I'm only being hurtful because I don't know what else to do. It's not personal at all.

xsanguine wrote:

Travis of the Cosmos wrote:It's cool dude. Don't worry about it. In truth I haven't been in the best of moods lately either, but it sounds like you have a lot more you're dealing with. Seriously, as far as I'm concerned it's done now. You're gonna get as much leeway from me as you need. Don't worry about it. Let's e hug.

I'm really, really sorry man. I don't know what to do with myself. But that's my own deal. I just want to make it very, very clear that I'm only being hurtful because I don't know what else to do. It's not personal at all.

Don't sweat it. Like I said, let me know if I can help.

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Did your wife make you quit drugs?

Yes, OTPT... my wife made me quit drugs. Thanks for caring.

xsanguine wrote:Look, Travis, not to get all sentimental... but I like you. Just like I like Turtleneck and OTPT. When I like people I tend to think I'm comfortable with them enough to give them shit and them to realize I'm just giving them shit. I realize it comes across through text in a very neutral way that is hard to ascertain. I'm not saying this to garner sympathy and I've tried all day to really, really, really not go here because I don't think it should be used as any sort of excuse... but I just found out today that I lost both of my parents unexpectedly (car accident on 131). I'm just saying that to maybe give some understanding of why I'm acting out.

I'm really, really sorry for saying mean things to you. I even disparaged by own degree (not that I've ever used it for anything) when speaking with OTPT but if I'm to use whatever knowledge I may have gained I think I'm being mean because I don't know how else to react. This is stupid and gay as shit (and not gay as in homosexual, I mean gay in the school yard pejorative sense)... but I'm really sorry for being mean to you. It's uncalled for and I wish I hadn't done it. My day has been spent going through a lot of emotions I haven't had to confront ever in my life.

I'm an extremely forgiving person which is why all Roc had to do is give the slightest hint of empathy and it went a long way for me. I really don't want sympathy, though. I appreciate the thoughts but I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm responding to people this way. Usually I would just argue with OTPT and that'd be the end of it but some reason today all I wanted to do is take a crowbar to him. I've already gotten into one serious confrontation in line at the gas station that was uncalled for and probably due to my appearance the other guy backed down and it was diffused.

I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean any of it and I don't even require any special treatment. I shouldn't be saying these things to anyone, message board people or not. I'm just not sure what to do with myself and I'm trying my best just to appear normal. I'm not a crier and so far I've managed to avoid that. But unfortunately my emotions seem to manifest themselves in anger.

Jesus I feel like such a fag even explaining all of this....(and I mean fag in the school yard term... not the disparaging homosexuals term (in fact it was my gay friends that gave me the confidence to use it in certain instances)... I love me the gays and I've made this clear in the past).

I don't know what that last part was even supposed to mean.... I need to type and I'm rambling even more than usual. If it's not cool, let me know.

I don't bother with these threads usually but I saw the title so was curious.

WAIT WHAT???? Your parents were killed today in an accident? You serious x?

So sorry buddy. Can I help you at all? Please let me know.

Yeah didn't see that either. Horrible news and please cry or talk about it or lash out. Whatever. You're all good with me man. Hope you have family to be with right now.

X, I m so sorry. I do not know what to say other than I am so sorry. Eight years ago, I lost both of my parents expectedly. It was rough. I know we do not know each other but do not hesitate to ask for anything. We are here for you.

I wish I wasn't serious, WBH. But thank you, really.

I can't deal with people being nice to me... I really appreciate your words, guys. People being nice makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I'll admit... but strangely enough you guys are the only people I've reached out to about it besides my useless brother. And now I can't stop crying. So, gee, thanks....(I'm trying to be sarcastically funny). I've yet to tell my best friend of 25 years........ I'm not looking forward to that.

I can't imagine X - I lost my Dad 6 weeks ago - expectedly and it still hurts. Vent away if it helps you.

Especially try to nail those SOBs Roc and Travis - Turtleneck at least has redeeming qualities. ;-)

I guess I just need to be a little more sensitive in these topics. Sometimes I'm trying to be light hearted, sometimes I'm going for a little shock value... but either way it's not appreciated so it's best I just abstain.

LooseGoose wrote:I can't imagine X - I lost my Dad 6 weeks ago - expectedly and it still hurts. Vent away if it helps you.

Especially try to nail those SOBs Roc and Travis - Turtleneck at least has redeeming qualities. ;-)

I pretty much blow. All around. Honestly, I'm on a sports message board and I don't really talk about sports in it that much. Sometimes. I mostly post whatever random garbage pops in my head. Useless. I'm worthy of abuse.

LooseGoose wrote:I can't imagine X - I lost my Dad 6 weeks ago - expectedly and it still hurts. Vent away if it helps you.

Especially try to nail those SOBs Roc and Travis - Turtleneck at least has redeeming qualities. ;-)

I really like those guys. As pathetic as it is I've tried really hard to befriend them, as much as anyone can befriend someone online. Same with OTPT... but like Roc, he's a hard nut to crack. I doubt this latest episode is going to be mended any time soon.

And thanks again LG. I remember when you mentioned that about your father passing and I felt sympathy for you... but I never would have imagined how much you're actually going through until I had to do it myself. I hope things are getting easier for you.

Also, Travis. I'm a dick. I keep thinking I'm funny but I'm just a fucking jerk. Adding your quote to my sig acting like it's some kind of funny quip makes me hate myself for it. I'll be removing it.

I just wanted my parents to hold their first and only grandchild......

Jesus fuck..... here it comes..... fuck..........

I didn't even realize that until just now. Fucking god..... what the fuck. This is cruel as fuck....

xsanguine wrote:I wish I wasn't serious, WBH. But thank you, really.

I can't deal with people being nice to me... I really appreciate your words, guys. People being nice makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I'll admit... but strangely enough you guys are the only people I've reached out to about it besides my useless brother. And now I can't stop crying. So, gee, thanks....(I'm trying to be sarcastically funny). I've yet to tell my best friend of 25 years........ I'm not looking forward to that.

X, I was the same way. I am an only child that lost both parents unexpectedly. I did not really reach out to anybody. In fact, I closed ranks. I made some mistakes doing that, X. Let people help you. At the very least maybe it will ease some of the stress. I am not trying to be weird or make this thread about me, but seriously do whatever to make yourself feel better and let people in just a little. As for us, like we have said above, whatever you need. If it is just raging then rage away.

My dad doesn't get excited for anything and he was so fucking excited for this... my mom doesn't have much money at all and spent a fortune and now they can't even enjoy it.

I can't do this.....

Turtleneck wrote:

xsanguine wrote:I wish I wasn't serious, WBH. But thank you, really.

I can't deal with people being nice to me... I really appreciate your words, guys. People being nice makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I'll admit... but strangely enough you guys are the only people I've reached out to about it besides my useless brother. And now I can't stop crying. So, gee, thanks....(I'm trying to be sarcastically funny). I've yet to tell my best friend of 25 years........ I'm not looking forward to that.

X, I was the same way. I am an only child that lost both parents unexpectedly. I did not really reach out to anybody. In fact, I closed ranks. I made some mistakes doing that, X. Let people help you. At the very least maybe it will ease some of the stress. I am not trying to be weird or make this thread about me, but seriously do whatever to make yourself feel better and let people in just a little. As for us, like we have said above, whatever you need. If it is just raging then rage away.

Don't feel that way. I need it, man. There's tons of things I didn't think about that are now hitting me like a ton of bricks and I don't know what to do. It's like someone hitting me with a bat of anxiety all of a sudden. I don't know what to do or even where to start. Jesus, I don't know what the fuck to do.

Why couldn't they have at least held her before all of this shit? Fucking christ......

I don't know how useless your brother is, but I hope you guys can help each other right now. You're a good guy, we almost never agree, but that I can tell. Go be with your wife. Let her hold you up for a while. Really really sorry man.

When I say he's useless he's just kind of like me. Very guarded with his emotions. I called him to tell him and all he said was "Oh wow... well... we'll have to figure this out..." and that was it. He's a good guy but he's exactly like me... he doesn't like anyone to see how he really feels. I've known the kid for all of his 29 years and I've never seen him cry once.

xsanguine wrote:My dad doesn't get excited for anything and he was so fucking excited for this... my mom doesn't have much money at all and spent a fortune and now they can't even enjoy it.

I can't do this.....

You can do it. We can't help much but we can a little. Hug your wife, whatever you do don't push people away that are trying to help. I have a tendency to do that and it's not good to do.

I just want to go to sleep for a few days.

I don't want to sound like a broken record but I really do feel bad for the things I've said today. I don't know how many walls I've punched and things I've thrown.... but I really should not have gotten on a message board to vent. I'm really hoping OTPT at least sees the apologies because what I said to him was completely uncalled for.

xsanguine wrote:I don't want to sound like a broken record but I really do feel bad for the things I've said today. I don't know how many walls I've punched and things I've thrown.... but I really should not have gotten on a message board to vent. I'm really hoping OTPT at least sees the apologies because what I said to him was completely uncalled for.

Don't sweat it. Like other people said above me, be with your wife right now.

I can't help it, though. There's things I've said to people 15 years ago that still eat at me and I never got the chance to apologize and I just don't want it to be like that.... no matter how informal message boards are.

Don't worry about OTPT, we only like him when he's got good dope.

LooseGoose wrote:Don't worry about OTPT, we only like him when he's got good dope.

This made me chuckle. Thanks, LG.

X - do not fucking worry about us. Fuck me, man that is awful. I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. One day at a time and celebrate them as they should be.

Fuck.

I just don't want to be hated by you. That's all.

xsanguine wrote:I just don't want to be hated by you. That's all.

Never. You're in my thoughts. Be well.

Shit x, that's awful. So sorry to hear

Thanks CB. I really do appreciate that. Again, thank you.

xsanguine wrote:I wish I wasn't serious, WBH. But thank you, really.

I can't deal with people being nice to me... I really appreciate your words, guys. People being nice makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I'll admit... but strangely enough you guys are the only people I've reached out to about it besides my useless brother. And now I can't stop crying. So, gee, thanks....(I'm trying to be sarcastically funny). I've yet to tell my best friend of 25 years........ I'm not looking forward to that.

sorry to hear about that, dude.

if it makes you feel any better, my Mom passed away 4 years ago and she didn't like me very much. She was nice enough and had her moments, I guess. I took her to see Springsteen in 1999. I thought that was nice of me.

Robert J Sakimano wrote:

xsanguine wrote:I wish I wasn't serious, WBH. But thank you, really.

I can't deal with people being nice to me... I really appreciate your words, guys. People being nice makes me uncomfortable as all hell, I'll admit... but strangely enough you guys are the only people I've reached out to about it besides my useless brother. And now I can't stop crying. So, gee, thanks....(I'm trying to be sarcastically funny). I've yet to tell my best friend of 25 years........ I'm not looking forward to that.

sorry to hear about that, dude.

if it makes you feel any better, my Mom passed away 4 years ago and she didn't like me very much. She was nice enough and had her moments, I guess. I took her to see Springsteen in 1999. I thought that was nice of me.

Are you serious? That breaks my heart if true, bob. I felt my parents hated me until I was about 22 or 23 when my grandmother passed then we got closer. But before then, after about age 13 i was never home, skipped from friends couch to friends couch till I got a car then spent many nights in there and never saw much of them and didn't have much contact with them because I figured they just didn't like me. In some morbid way I wish the death of my grandmother happened sooner because I would have really appreciated their affection during those years.

I envy those of you that treat your children like they're your world. That would have been nice. But I guess we all do the best with what we have