Random Ramblings

DWags wrote:So I was in my truck driving and farting. It smelled bad at first, but I got used to it evidently. I went in to Kroger, took me 20 minutes. I come out and open my door. MY GOD, I about gagged. I'm actually kind of proud that it hung around that long.

Good thing you didn't leave a dog in the truck.

DWags wrote:So I was in my truck driving and farting. It smelled bad at first, but I got used to it evidently. I went in to Kroger, took me 20 minutes. I come out and open my door. MY GOD, I about gagged. I'm actually kind of proud that it hung around that long.

Something similar happened to me yesterday while in the drive through line at Starbucks. I was two cars back when I realized I'd been mindlessly farting. Front windows and moonroof were down/open, but with no wind, the heavy and heavily poisoned air wasn't moving. I imagined driving up to the window and crop dusting the cute girl at the window. Turned the fan on full blast, opened the rest of the windows, then hoped for the best. Three minutes later and the air was clear before moving to the window.

The takeaway from this story: Always travel with your dog when using drivethrough windows. They will happily take the blame for the extra stinky stuff. Hell, they'll especially enjoy the extra stinky stuff.

Do NOT google teratoma and look at the images from the search. It's NSFW and will give you nightmares. Don't do it. Do. Not. Do. It.

Teratoma.

You've been warned.

DWags wrote:So I was in my truck driving and farting. It smelled bad at first, but I got used to it evidently. I went in to Kroger, took me 20 minutes. I come out and open my door. MY GOD, I about gagged. I'm actually kind of proud that it hung around that long.

lol!!!

DWags wrote:Would this bother you in a restaurant?

No, I'd be jealous of the little brat.

That, no.  Upon catching a glimpse I would look away and not look back.

My ex use to waitress at her parent's restaurant.  She said a family got seated in a booth in her section and ordered pizza.  Said the boy, about 7 years old, finished a slice and then the mom whipped her boob out and the kid started sucking.  My ex is a big proponent of breast feeding (nursed all 4 of our kids, sometimes in public but far more discreet than that pic) but said that completely grossed her out.

DWags wrote:Would this bother you in a restaurant?

Not one bit. It would bother me more if a stranger whipped out a camera to start taking pics. I'm assuming you're not that guy and instead grabbed this shot from some other social media. You're still a perv, though.

DWags wrote:

tGreenWay wrote:

Not one bit. It would bother me more if a stranger whipped out a camera to start taking pics. I'm assuming you're not that guy and instead grabbed this shot from some other social media. You're still a perv, though.

Em yeah. Yeah, that's exactly where I got it.

I knew it was you. I was trying to give you an out. Pervy old guy.

D wags probably thought the child was a 2030 basketball recruit.

DWags wrote:You're way nicer than that ladies husband. Especially when I pushed him aside and took my camera out. Maybe I shouldn't have been screaming, "WOW,LOOK AT THAT!" When I was filming.

I can understand her husband's dismay. Did you at least give the new mom a gift? In polite society, it's appropriate to present a gift when getting flashed by boobs*. Perhaps you could find her and give her a bottle of cocoa butter. Make sure she knows it's for the stretch marks on her breasts.





* Gifting from one dude to another when flashed by a penis is strictly optional.

gHost Spartan wrote:Took a shit out in the woods tonight. Went for a 5 mile run after work and code red struck. Ducked down an unpaved trail and took a massive dump under an oak tree, wiping with my bandana. Massive log.

This was a good gHost story.

Death Roe wrote:

gHost Spartan wrote:Took a shit out in the woods tonight. Went for a 5 mile run after work and code red struck. Ducked down an unpaved trail and took a massive dump under an oak tree, wiping with my bandana. Massive log.

This was a good gHost story.

And one he can recall each time he pulls that bandanna out to blow his snout.

Yeah ghost did you leave the bandana or just throw it in the wash?

gHost Spartan wrote:Took a shit out in the woods tonight. Went for a 5 mile run after work and code red struck. Ducked down an unpaved trail and took a massive dump under an oak tree, wiping with my bandana. Massive log.

Pics or it didn’t happen.

gHost you seem to have a lot of untimely, really unfortunate shitting incidents. You got IBS bro?

FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

Do you even run, Bro?

OTPT I ran a marathon in 2001 and retired after that. I ran a lot of miles and on the occasions when I had to dump during training runs and/or the actual marathon I found an establishment to go in. I did have to dump during the actual race in Chicago and I used a portajohn.

10 miles or less? And no toilet in sight? Come on. Weak bowels. Or IBS.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

You need to get out in nature and camp more. Your kids will love it.

LooseGoose wrote:

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

You need to get out in nature and camp more. Your kids will love it.

Is it weak to bring TP in neature though? I always do. Fuck poison ivy on my ass. Already got it in/around my eyes the week of high school graduation. Photos ruined

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:

LooseGoose wrote:

You need to get out in nature and camp more. Your kids will love it.

Is it weak to bring TP in neature though? I always do. Fuck poison ivy on my ass. Already got it in/around my eyes the week of high school graduation. Photos ruined

TP is fine, I was referring more to not using a toilet. Hang your ass over a log.

We have fall Cub Scout camping trip this weekend. Boy wants to go Sat AM and come back Sat night. I have no qualms with this, other than I wish the campfire was at 7 instead of 9.

I guess I will need to start the game thread on Friday night. Actually.....

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

Wait a second. You never went to take a dump and didn't notice there was no paper in the stall? Think I've done it at least half a dozen times. They were some of the few times I've gained faith in humanity. No choice but to call for help and good people never failed to deliver the paper.

The Pantry wrote:

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

Wait a second. You never went to take a dump and didn't notice there was no paper in the stall? Think I've done it at least half a dozen times. They were some of the few times I've gained faith in humanity. No choice but to call for help and good people never failed to deliver the paper.

No that has happened to me. But I haven't worked in an office in 8+ years. More often than not it's been at home.

And I did actually shit once in the woods on a camping trip when I was in HS but I had a roll of TP.

Once? You city slicker, you.

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:FTR I am 40 years old and I have never once in my life not shit in a toilet with a roll of toilet paper by my side. I'm not even sure how that would work.

Do you even run hunt, Bro?

Taking a crap in the woods using leaves as your TP is practically a rite of passage for first time deer hunters.

I don't hunt. That shit is boring and stupid. I mean god bless you if you enjoy it, I don't have anything against it. The one time I went hunting the only animal I saw was a frozen dead raccoon and we shot it just because we wanted to shoot something after not seeing anything all day.

I’d rather shoot clay pigeons, drink, and be obnoxious.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I don't hunt. That shit is boring and stupid. I mean god bless you if you enjoy it, I don't have anything against it. The one time I went hunting the only animal I saw was a frozen dead raccoon and we shot it just because we wanted to shoot something after not seeing anything all day.

Haven't hunted since freshman year at State. Even those days when we got nothing, it was still a great day in the woods becoming spiritually one with the great outdoors.

Here is a random rambling. I just booked 3 nights at the JW Marriott in SA over FF weekend. I promised him I would take him if we made it. I have cancellation fully refundable up until the day before. This is a really nice property, my friend in Austin takes his family on an annual vacation there because they have a waterpark. I started thinking about it and I think if we somehow happen to get there the memories will be worth it right? right????

(it's expensive as fuck)

tGreenWay wrote:

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I don't hunt. That shit is boring and stupid. I mean god bless you if you enjoy it, I don't have anything against it. The one time I went hunting the only animal I saw was a frozen dead raccoon and we shot it just because we wanted to shoot something after not seeing anything all day.

Haven't hunted since freshman year at State. Even those days when we got nothing, it was still a great day in the woods becoming spiritually one with the great outdoors.

I don’t think taking mushrooms and searching for your cock counts as hunting, greenway.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Here is a random rambling. I just booked 3 nights at the JW Marriott in SA over FF weekend. I promised him I would take him if we made it. I have cancellation fully refundable up until the day before. This is a really nice property, my friend in Austin takes his family on an annual vacation there because they have a waterpark. I started thinking about it and I think if we somehow happen to get there the memories will be worth it right? right????

(it's expensive as fuck)

Fuck it, Bro. Do it. Got a place to stay in Austin and an AirBnb in San Antonio Saturday already. Literally, book it. #Natty

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:

tGreenWay wrote:

Haven't hunted since freshman year at State. Even those days when we got nothing, it was still a great day in the woods becoming spiritually one with the great outdoors.

I don’t think taking mushrooms and searching for your cock counts as hunting, greenway.

My dick is so tiny it takes forever to find. Consider it hunting for small game. Very small game.

I'm told just now this is not close at all to downtown. May have to rethink this. I would think they would have shuttles or something?

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I'm told just now this is not close at all to downtown. May have to rethink this. I would think they would have shuttles or something?

Ask them. It's Marriott. They've already gotta be in the planning stage for that event.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I'm told just now this is not close at all to downtown. May have to rethink this. I would think they would have shuttles or something?

Ride sharing, bro.

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Here is a random rambling. I just booked 3 nights at the JW Marriott in SA over FF weekend. I promised him I would take him if we made it. I have cancellation fully refundable up until the day before. This is a really nice property, my friend in Austin takes his family on an annual vacation there because they have a waterpark. I started thinking about it and I think if we somehow happen to get there the memories will be worth it right? right????

(it's expensive as fuck)

Him? Blanch?



And yes, it'll be worth it with the boy. Soon enough he'll be all Harry Chapin on you.