Embarrassing injury stories

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-01-29, 00:13

Give me yours. (Don't read Nordy)

Having a hard time really feeling embarrassed about this but I probably should be. I bring it up because my knee is fucking hurting right now and also because my wife told me she ran into a mom at daycare pickup today who mentioned she witnessed the incident and didn't say anything to me because she didn't want to embarrass me. Embarrassing injury stories 502811600

So on a typical school day I take my son to Kindergarten drop off and wife takes 3 y.o. to daycare drop off. Occasionally if she has an early meeting or something and I don't I will take both and do daycare drop after K drop.

Monday I had both kids. I got a spot in the Elementary school lot. We waited with the boy until bell rang, and I picked up the 3 y.o. to carry her back to car. Took one step off of sidewalk and into parking lot and before I knew it I was pretty much at a 25 degree angle to the ground face down with my daughter in my arms. I don't really remember that moment but somehow I was able to shift her around and hold her up in my right arm so that my right arm and knee hit the ground before she did. Even after my arm hit the ground with my daugher in it I knew it snapped down. I had my hand behind her head but I still thought she might have snapped her head back and hit the pavement. I looked in her eyes and she was kinda surprised, in shock but I didn't think hurt. I asked her if she was ok and she didn't really say anything. I started to come to and realized she really WAS ok so I was super relieved. But there was a growing crowd around me of parents and safeties asking if I was ok and some guy saying they really needed to salt the parking lot better. Embarrassing injury stories 502811600

I was like - yeah, I'm fine, I'm not even worried as long as my daughter is ok. A couple of guys try to help me up and I thank them and tell them I'm just fine and I get up slowly and realize I'm in major fucking pain. I look down at my jeans and my right knee is torn completely open and there is blood gushing out. I kind of limped back to the car, got my daughter in, and set off for daycare. Still in shock, I think I was shaking a little at the close call. She's pretty happy go lucky but was asking if I was ok. I told her as long as she wasn't hurt I was fine.

Meantime I'm looking down and my knee does not look good. I'm wondering how I can get in and out of daycare without looking like a bloody lunatic. I grab a couple of napkins out of console and shove them into my knee hole where my jeans are ripped to soak up blood on the 120 second drive to daycare. Get there, park and pull the bloody napkins off. They're soaked. Daughter sees this from the back seat and I hear her little voice asking if I'm ok. I say yes and I look back and she sees the blood and her lips start to quiver. I reassure her I'm fine and limp into the building like a homeless serial killer, ripped jeans dripping blood. I tried to hide it. Got the kid off to her room. She seemed fine so I didn't even say anything to her teacher, who was half distracted and didn't notice my state.

Anyway, got home and this shit was pretty bad and pretty painful. Not gonna post pics but 4 days later it still hurts like a bitch. Finally stopped oozing yesterday. Now every time I bend my knee it hurts like a motherfucker. These are merely surface injuries and maybe some bone bruises. I have ligament damage to both knees that are far worse but in the interim, god damn this shit hurts!

I wonder how many parents saw me bite it. There is apparently a PTO Facespace page and I would be shocked if there weren't some posts about the dumbass dad who wasn't paying attention to the black ice in the parking lot and almost killed his daughter on Monday. Thankfully I am not on the Facespace. Embarrassing injury stories 502811600

Please someone make me feel better. I'm terribly worried the MILF moms at school aren't going to want to bone me any longer after this embarrassing incident.

by **xsanguine** 2016-01-29, 00:24

When I was in the 7th grade I played on a travel baseball team, little league. Anyways my dad was dropping me off for practice one Saturday morning and I opened the side door on the mini-van to get my equipment. I was in a rush and instead of closing the door by the handle I kind of pushed it from the back of the door... the door closed and I turned to leave and I realized my thumb was wedged in between the door frame and the door.
My dad didn't realize, obviously, and he started to drive away with my entire team doing stretches with me in full view running, or rather being dragged, by my dad's mini van as I'm slamming on the window with my free hand yelling "STOP STOP STOP STOP". He stopped fairly quickly but not quick enough for my thumb to get twisted all to hell and my entire team sat there watching me freak the fuck out. I had to wear a cast for awhile and obviously couldn't practice.

Not embarrassing in the "I had to go to the ER because my cat attacked my penis with his claws when I was getting out of the shower" sense... but I still recall it today and try to do one of those shakes of the head and "...ugh..." trying to erase it from my memory. Maybe someday.

by Guest 2016-01-29, 00:25

I was in third grade and it was the day of the school fair. The day we had been waiting for all year. It had all the games a third grader could dream of. Furthermore, this was the time when you got an easy way to hang out with the girl you liked. I had this crush on this blonde girl since 1st grade and I always knew she liked me. It wasn't until the third grade fair I had the guts to tell her. We had a marvelous day and I felt like I was floating on clouds. After the fair, she came over to my house and we ate our cotton candy. I was real big into hockey at the time and I remembered how she liked to rollerblade from when we went on a field trip to the rollerblade arena. It was beautiful day outside. High 70's, low humidity. Lot's of boats on the lake and the smell of fresh grass was in the air. I finally made a move and said we should go rollerblading in the neighborhood. I have an extra pair of skates I lend her and we took my now deceased, well trained german shepherd with us. We were half down the neighborhood and we began going down a hill. Belle (my dog) started to pull hard and I fell flat on my face. I wasn't wearing a helmet and my face got ravaged. Blood was pouring every where and my crush was horrified. A stranger driving by threw me and her in the car and drove me home. I then had to go to the hospital for a bunch of stitches with my mom while my dad waited for her parents to pick her up. It was the most embarrassing injury of my life.

by **xsanguine** 2016-01-29, 00:27

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:

Please someone make me feel better. I'm terribly worried the MILF moms at school aren't going to want to bone me any longer after this embarrassing incident.

You're a stud, man. You got this. They all have to change their panties when they get home after seeing you... drop off.... your kids.

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-01-29, 00:28

xsanguine wrote:When I was in the 7th grade I played on a travel baseball team, little league. Anyways my dad was dropping me off for practice one Saturday morning and I opened the side door on the mini-van to get my equipment. I was in a rush and instead of closing the door by the handle I kind of pushed it from the back of the door... the door closed and I turned to leave and I realized my thumb was wedged in between the door frame and the door.
My dad didn't realize, obviously, and he started to drive away with my entire team doing stretches with me in full view running, or rather being dragged, by my dad's mini van as I'm slamming on the window with my free hand yelling "STOP STOP STOP STOP". He stopped fairly quickly but not quick enough for my thumb to get twisted all to hell and my entire team sat there watching me freak the fuck out. I had to wear a cast for awhile and obviously couldn't practice.

Not embarrassing in the "I had to go to the ER because my cat attacked my penis with his claws when I was getting out of the shower" sense... but I still recall it today and try to do one of those shakes of the head and "...ugh..." trying to erase it from my memory. Maybe someday.

Pretty solid. And at a much more sensitive age than mine.

I remember my mom picking my friend and I up from track practice in middle school in her Decorating van (she was an interior decorator and her van advertised it - LOUDLY). I was horrified.

by **Travis of the Cosmos** 2016-01-29, 00:32

I didn't read any of your long ass posts.

I was once on a date, last year at a tailgate. We were playing bags. I bent down to pick up a bag and I felt that pop in my lower back that guaranteed I would be in a lot of pain for the rest of the week. I tried to tough it out as long as possible, through the football game and all that. On the way back to the car the chick acknowledged that she knew something was wrong. She was nice about it, but I was trying to play tough guy. It hurt like hell trying to act like a normal person for the rest of the day... Ended up on her couch with a heating pad.

For the record, I banged her the following week. She fell in love with me shortly after. I wasn't interested. Moved on.

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-01-29, 00:36

That's a terrible story Travis. You should really read my post. It's much more interesting than yours. Stop trying to ruin the board.

by **DWags** 2016-01-29, 00:42

xsanguine wrote:When I was in the 7th grade I played on a travel baseball team, little league. Anyways my dad was dropping me off for practice one Saturday morning and I opened the side door on the mini-van to get my equipment. I was in a rush and instead of closing the door by the handle I kind of pushed it from the back of the door... the door closed and I turned to leave and I realized my thumb was wedged in between the door frame and the door.
My dad didn't realize, obviously, and he started to drive away with my entire team doing stretches with me in full view running, or rather being dragged, by my dad's mini van as I'm slamming on the window with my free hand yelling "STOP STOP STOP STOP". He stopped fairly quickly but not quick enough for my thumb to get twisted all to hell and my entire team sat there watching me freak the fuck out. I had to wear a cast for awhile and obviously couldn't practice.

Not embarrassing in the "I had to go to the ER because my cat attacked my penis with his claws when I was getting out of the shower" sense... but I still recall it today and try to do one of those shakes of the head and "...ugh..." trying to erase it from my memory. Maybe someday.

Jesus, that is fucked up, could have driven off with your fucking thumb.

I was in holmes hall once as a freshman, walking down the hall with the double doors. Girl that was really good looking actually talking to me walking down the hall, I was looking at her and walked right the fuck into the metal divider between the two open double doors. Turned at the last minute and caught it flush on my nose and lip, center face. Nose started bleeding and top lib was a bit swollen. She was freaking out, I was embarrassed. I don't think she ever talked to me again.

by **xsanguine** 2016-01-29, 00:44

DWags wrote:
xsanguine wrote:When I was in the 7th grade I played on a travel baseball team, little league. Anyways my dad was dropping me off for practice one Saturday morning and I opened the side door on the mini-van to get my equipment. I was in a rush and instead of closing the door by the handle I kind of pushed it from the back of the door... the door closed and I turned to leave and I realized my thumb was wedged in between the door frame and the door.
My dad didn't realize, obviously, and he started to drive away with my entire team doing stretches with me in full view running, or rather being dragged, by my dad's mini van as I'm slamming on the window with my free hand yelling "STOP STOP STOP STOP". He stopped fairly quickly but not quick enough for my thumb to get twisted all to hell and my entire team sat there watching me freak the fuck out. I had to wear a cast for awhile and obviously couldn't practice.

Not embarrassing in the "I had to go to the ER because my cat attacked my penis with his claws when I was getting out of the shower" sense... but I still recall it today and try to do one of those shakes of the head and "...ugh..." trying to erase it from my memory. Maybe someday.

Jesus, that is fucked up, could have driven off with your fucking thumb.

I was so embarrassed I didn't notice the pain while the coaches and my dad were sitting there checking out my thumb. It didn't kick in until the drive to Ingham Medical and then it comes on like a ton of bricks and I was groaning like a little fucking bitch.

Taught me never to improperly close the side doors on mini vans again, though. I'll tell ya that much.

by **Gomer** 2016-01-29, 01:06

Was playing floor hockey and got subbed in at goalie after the original one got hurt. Our standard issue equipment at that time was a catchers chest protector and mask. As I had been playing out, I wasn't wearing a cup. Fat guy on the team screened me and I caught a slapper square in the junk. All of it from tip to taint. I went down face first and I don't think I took a breath for ten minutes. Got home and the girlfriend kindly asked if she could make it better and I told her hell know. Shit was literally black blue and swollen. Pissed hands free for at least a week.

Not too embarrassing. Yet. Fast forward several years and I found a lump on my left nut. Went to my GP who didn't seem too interested in checking it out so she sent me to a urologist. The urologist was Dr. Big Black Man Who Examined My Nuts Like They Had Never Been Examined in My Entire Life. He left no scrotal wrinkle unexplored. So I have that going for me. NTTAWWT.

He ordered an ultrasound. So I go to the lab, do the whole put on the robe routine, and go into the room. I'm greeted by this chick. Couldn't have been more than 24. Very easy on the eyes. She starts prepping me for the procedure. And by prepping, I mean building this nest around my nuts with towels. I'm sitting there doing my best not to chub up and hoping she would stop playing with my nuts soon and the person who would do the ultrasound would come in... because you know, I don't think boners are appropriate in that setting.

Well the person doing the ultrasound was the hot chick. And the ultrasound involved her coating my junk in copious amounts of lube. And then rubbing it all over with her tool while holding my balls against it. Jesus Christ almighty how I didn't come to full attention was beyond me.

Anyway... turns out it is a nodule of scar tissue protruding from the surface of my testicle. I don't know if my boys are swimming or not, but they get in the water when I need them to, and that's all that matters.

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-01-29, 01:09

Nice gomer. And pics. I know you googled her.

by **Gomer** 2016-01-29, 01:18

Fast forward a year or so and I'm transferred to MSU and living off campus. Moved into a house a chick I had gone to CC with, and a couple of randoms.

It was the first week and I came home from class and thought I would help out and empty the dishwasher. Was going about my business when I stood up and felt like someone came across the top of my head with a 2x4. Knocked my ass straight down to the floor. Turns out I had basically stood up like I was doing power squats right under an open cupboard.

I remember sitting there thinking, "Gomer... get your ass off the floor. You're tougher than this and you don't want to look like an rtrd in front of this chick and your roomies."

So I got my ass off. Shook it off and tried to go about my business putting the dishes away. I don't think it was minutes, but maybe it was, before I saw the blood in the dishwasher. Which didn't make sense to me. Until I realized that there was also blood streaming down my face. Turns out I had split my head open like a melon (what would ultimately be the 3rd of 4 times to date).

Not thinking clearly and not being able to get a hold of my parents for my insurance info, I went up to show it to the chick to see if she thought it needed stitched up. She was vet med and said, yeah it probably could and offered half seriously to do it herself. I should have gone to ER/urgent care, but they would have maybe shaved the top of my head to sew it. I was trying to adjust to being a stranger in a strange land at the time and didn't want that kind of attention, so I chose to just keep pressure on it... and it mostly stopped bleeding after a day.

by **Gomer** 2016-01-29, 01:19

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Nice gomer. And pics. I know you googled her.

This predated google actually. I think this was still the era of the dial-up BBS. The real internet was just coming online at the time.

by **Gomer** 2016-01-29, 01:35

This one wasn't too embarrassing, but it looks gross so I thought I'd post it anyway... I am lucky I didn't lose an eye:

Embarrassing injury stories Captur10

Old age is going to be a bitch for me.

From the top down I've:
Split my head open 4 times
Broken my nose
Broken my face (fractured sinus in that pic, coughed blood for a week)
Broken a rib
Broken a thumb, and probably 2 fingers
Sprained a thumb
Popped a nut
Sprained a knee / tore a mensicus
Broken my tibia
Torqued one of my ankles pretty good

It's not that I am particularly clumsy or fragile. More so that I am aggressive (aka foolish to some extent) and have always played hard and been very active.

by **xsanguine** 2016-01-29, 01:40

Geez, man. Take it easy.

by **Gomer** 2016-01-29, 01:42

Oh... this wasn't an injury... but was pretty fucking gross / embarrassing too.

Hockey game at Munn was headed into OT so I wheeled into the bathroom real quick because I had to piss something fierce.

Round the corner hard to get to the urinal and my feet go right out from under me. I land with my arm to brace myself on my side... right in a puddle of someone's puke. Inches from my face. The guy pissing looks down at me and says, "I think someone pucked there."

I looked up and said, verbatim I think, "You don't fucking say."

This was winter, and I had my coat on which pretty much took the brunt of the puke, but it was on my hand, and sleeve, and pants, etc. I cleaned myself up the best I could and went back to the GF to tell her what happened... and that I would be walking the 2-3 miles home because I wasn't about to get in the car with all the puke on me.

I smelled exactly what you imagine someone who slid through a puddle of puke would smell like.

by **Gomer** 2016-01-29, 01:43

xsanguine wrote:Geez, man. Take it easy.

My resting pulse is <53 BPM though. I have that going for me anyway.

by **SpartanInNH** 2016-01-31, 15:13

Gomer wrote:Fast forward a year or so and I'm transferred to MSU and living off campus. Moved into a house a chick I had gone to CC with, and a couple of randoms.

It was the first week and I came home from class and thought I would help out and empty the dishwasher. Was going about my business when I stood up and felt like someone came across the top of my head with a 2x4. Knocked my ass straight down to the floor. Turns out I had basically stood up like I was doing power squats right under an open cupboard.

I remember sitting there thinking, "Gomer... get your ass off the floor. You're tougher than this and you don't want to look like an rtrd in front of this chick and your roomies."

So I got my ass off. Shook it off and tried to go about my business putting the dishes away. I don't think it was minutes, but maybe it was, before I saw the blood in the dishwasher. Which didn't make sense to me. Until I realized that there was also blood streaming down my face. Turns out I had split my head open like a melon (what would ultimately be the 3rd of 4 times to date).

Not thinking clearly and not being able to get a hold of my parents for my insurance info, I went up to show it to the chick to see if she thought it needed stitched up. She was vet med and said, yeah it probably could and offered half seriously to do it herself. I should have gone to ER/urgent care, but they would have maybe shaved the top of my head to sew it. I was trying to adjust to being a stranger in a strange land at the time and didn't want that kind of attention, so I chose to just keep pressure on it... and it mostly stopped bleeding after a day.

Gomer wrote:This one wasn't too embarrassing, but it looks gross so I thought I'd post it anyway... I am lucky I didn't lose an eye:

Old age is going to be a bitch for me.

From the top down I've:
Split my head open 4 times
Broken my nose
Broken my face (fractured sinus in that pic, coughed blood for a week)
Broken a rib
Broken a thumb, and probably 2 fingers
Sprained a thumb
Popped a nut
Sprained a knee / tore a mensicus
Broken my tibia
Torqued one of my ankles pretty good

It's not that I am particularly clumsy or fragile. More so that I am aggressive (aka foolish to some extent) and have always played hard and been very active.

Gomer, you make me frightened to be a human being.

by **Tim Wakefield** 2016-01-31, 15:43

Not sure if i told you guys my injury story from Ecuador but here it is again.

Soccer was huge down there so we played almost every day. I was doing just fine until the second to last week when I fucked my hip up so bad that I couldn't even move for 2 days. Skipped an exam in one of my classes cause I couldn't get out of bed. Anyway, once I could move without excruciating pain, I figured I should go back to class so I didn't fail. Asked my host family if they had any crutches and the mom goes "no, but we do have this".... She goes in the storage room and pulls out a walker. My heart sank bc I knew I needed to use it in order to get around. My friends and the Ecuadoreans blasted me for it and they still call me "abuelito" (grandpa in Spanish). I was embarrassed at first but it was actually pretty funny after a while. I had to use that damn thing the rest of the trip (~10 days). I actually brought it to the bar a couple times and it was a chick magnet. My friend has a video of me going up to a girl and putting her inside the walker and dancing for a little bit. Hilarious. Had to bring it to the beach for a weekend which was funny as well.

Tldr: fucked my hip up in Ecuador and had to use a walker. Brought the walker to the bar and beach. Hip hurt for about a month and then it was fine, still don't know what exactly happened to it

by **Nordic** 2016-01-31, 15:49

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:Give me yours. (Don't read Nordy)

Having a hard time really feeling embarrassed about this but I probably should be. I bring it up because my knee is fucking hurting right now and also because my wife told me she ran into a mom at daycare pickup today who mentioned she witnessed the incident and didn't say anything to me because she didn't want to embarrass me.

So on a typical school day I take my son to Kindergarten drop off and wife takes 3 y.o. to daycare drop off. Occasionally if she has an early meeting or something and I don't I will take both and do daycare drop after K drop.

Monday I had both kids. I got a spot in the Elementary school lot. We waited with the boy until bell rang, and I picked up the 3 y.o. to carry her back to car. Took one step off of sidewalk and into parking lot and before I knew it I was pretty much at a 25 degree angle to the ground face down with my daughter in my arms. I don't really remember that moment but somehow I was able to shift her around and hold her up in my right arm so that my right arm and knee hit the ground before she did. Even after my arm hit the ground with my daugher in it I knew it snapped down. I had my hand behind her head but I still thought she might have snapped her head back and hit the pavement. I looked in her eyes and she was kinda surprised, in shock but I didn't think hurt. I asked her if she was ok and she didn't really say anything. I started to come to and realized she really WAS ok so I was super relieved. But there was a growing crowd around me of parents and safeties asking if I was ok and some guy saying they really needed to salt the parking lot better.

I was like - yeah, I'm fine, I'm not even worried as long as my daughter is ok. A couple of guys try to help me up and I thank them and tell them I'm just fine and I get up slowly and realize I'm in major fucking pain. I look down at my jeans and my right knee is torn completely open and there is blood gushing out. I kind of limped back to the car, got my daughter in, and set off for daycare. Still in shock, I think I was shaking a little at the close call. She's pretty happy go lucky but was asking if I was ok. I told her as long as she wasn't hurt I was fine.

Meantime I'm looking down and my knee does not look good. I'm wondering how I can get in and out of daycare without looking like a bloody lunatic. I grab a couple of napkins out of console and shove them into my knee hole where my jeans are ripped to soak up blood on the 120 second drive to daycare. Get there, park and pull the bloody napkins off. They're soaked. Daughter sees this from the back seat and I hear her little voice asking if I'm ok. I say yes and I look back and she sees the blood and her lips start to quiver. I reassure her I'm fine and limp into the building like a homeless serial killer, ripped jeans dripping blood. I tried to hide it. Got the kid off to her room. She seemed fine so I didn't even say anything to her teacher, who was half distracted and didn't notice my state.

Anyway, got home and this shit was pretty bad and pretty painful. Not gonna post pics but 4 days later it still hurts like a bitch. Finally stopped oozing yesterday. Now every time I bend my knee it hurts like a motherfucker. These are merely surface injuries and maybe some bone bruises. I have ligament damage to both knees that are far worse but in the interim, god damn this shit hurts!

I wonder how many parents saw me bite it. There is apparently a PTO Facespace page and I would be shocked if there weren't some posts about the dumbass dad who wasn't paying attention to the black ice in the parking lot and almost killed his daughter on Monday. Thankfully I am not on the Facespace.

Please someone make me feel better. I'm terribly worried the MILF moms at school aren't going to want to bone me any longer after this embarrassing incident.

I tried to read this, I really did....but hole e fuck

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** 2016-01-31, 15:50

Wake - remember when I couldn't get out of bed at Bailey? Embarrassing injury stories 502811600

by **pulling69** 2016-01-31, 15:53

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Wake - remember when I couldn't get out of bed at Bailey?

Because he was still inside of you? Shocked

by **Tim Wakefield** 2016-01-31, 15:58

Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Wake - remember when I couldn't get out of bed at Bailey?

by **Nordic** 2016-01-31, 16:10

No embarrassing ones, but I have a extensive list...

- Broken collarbone... backyard football as kid
- Stress fracture in foot...Izzo bball camp
- Sliced my finger open trying to pry open the top of a can of beans
- Broken hand... punched a wall drunk obv
- Black eye or two... wall punched back
- Dislocated/fractured finger... rugby, still wont straighten out, grosses out my kids, which is fun
- Concussion/split my head open... rugby, really didn't know what concussions were back in the 90s
- Concussion... rugby
- Dislocated right shoulder...wrestling a buddy at 2am in South Bend
- Dislocated right shoulder...playing softball/making a throw from 3rd (got him out)
- Separated left shoulder...dumbell presses...popped out backwards
- Pinch nerve in my left arm for some reason...pinky sometimes goes numb
- Torn tendons/arthrits in right shoulder from the above that flair up from time to time
- Herniated disc in the back/can't feel my left foot from being generally a meathead dumbass my entire life...oddly running was what finally blew it out

by **Floyd Robertson** 2016-01-31, 16:13

I can't touch Nordic (for the love of God, man, how are you still alive?), but how many of you have sanded through your thumbnail in 11th grade wood shop using an oscillating sander?

by **Other Teams Pursuing That** 2016-01-31, 16:25

pulling69 wrote:
Other Teams Pursuing That wrote:Wake - remember when I couldn't get out of bed at Bailey?
Because he was still inside of you?

You OK, man? Been hatin' lately.

by **Nordic** 2016-01-31, 19:37

Wasn't me... but two of my buddies decided to race after a long night at the slippery noodle before the 2011 BTCG. One of them apparently miss calculated the height of a curb. Alcohol prevented him from getting his arms out before his face met the sidewalk.

by **Blanch32** 2016-01-31, 20:08

Puller hammy, Carolina beach, trying to impress a girl with my 40 time. Litterally happened on the first step. Chick lot interest and slowly backed away. Sucks too because I wasn't waste I probably could have banged her on the beach that night. Idiot

by **Blanch32** 2016-01-31, 20:09

....aLeo getting KOd at the rcmb tailgate after the 2009 uofm game sucked, but I toughEd that one out

by **Blanch32** 2016-01-31, 20:15

Wakefield and Gomer brought it strong! !

by **SpartanInNH** 2016-01-31, 20:22

Nordic wrote:No embarrassing ones, but I have a extensive list...

- Broken collarbone... backyard football as kid
- Stress fracture in foot...Izzo bball camp
- Sliced my finger open trying to pry open the top of a can of beans
- Broken hand... punched a wall drunk obv
- Black eye or two... wall punched back
- Dislocated/fractured finger... rugby, still wont straighten out, grosses out my kids, which is fun
- Concussion/split my head open... rugby, really didn't know what concussions were back in the 90s
- Concussion... rugby
- Dislocated right shoulder...wrestling a buddy at 2am in South Bend
- Dislocated right shoulder...playing softball/making a throw from 3rd (got him out)
- Separated left shoulder...dumbell presses...popped out backwards
- Pinch nerve in my left arm for some reason...pinky sometimes goes numb
- Torn tendons/arthrits in right shoulder from the above that flair up from time to time
- Herniated disc in the back/can't feel my left foot from being generally a meathead dumbass my entire life...oddly running was what finally blew it out

by **Tim Wakefield** 2016-01-31, 20:39

Blanch32 wrote:Wakefield and Gomer brought it strong! !

Damnit, if you liked my story that must mean that no one else could understand what I was saying.

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-02-06, 00:25

I'm probably being a little bitch but I'm starting to become concerned that my knee is really fucked up. The pain at this point is clearly more than the healing scabs. I'm just not sure what else I could have actually done? Maybe I cracked my kneecap? God dammit. This is exactly what I need in my life right now.

by **Nordic** 2016-02-06, 00:27

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I'm probably being a little bitch but I'm starting to become concerned that my knee is really fucked up. The pain at this point is clearly more than the healing scabs. I'm just not sure what else I could have actually done? Maybe I cracked my kneecap? God dammit. This is exactly what I need in my life right now.

lol... I was about to post earlier about my back. Nearing the 6 month threshold of it fixing itself vs. surgery. Fucking sucks getting old.

by **Nordic** 2016-02-06, 00:28

Call tTy and his rusty razor blades???????

by **WhiteBoyHatcher** 2016-02-06, 00:30

Nordic wrote:
WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:I'm probably being a little bitch but I'm starting to become concerned that my knee is really fucked up. The pain at this point is clearly more than the healing scabs. I'm just not sure what else I could have actually done? Maybe I cracked my kneecap? God dammit. This is exactly what I need in my life right now.

lol... I was about to post earlier about my back. Nearing the 6 month threshold of it fixing itself vs. surgery. Fucking sucks getting old.

You need to get Ptsmktg a standing desk brah. Seriously. Try it out for a couple of weeks. Buy a portable bar and go buy some cinder blocks at Lowes to adjust for your giganticism. It helps a lot. Sitting all day will fucking kill you.

by **tTy** 2016-02-06, 10:54

I went back in tater-mail archives and found this, tried to save it to my desktop so that I could post it here, and I already had it saved there for some reason.

Embarrassing injury stories 20160110

by **tTy** 2016-02-06, 11:06

Gomer wrote:Was playing floor hockey and got subbed in at goalie after the original one got hurt. Our standard issue equipment at that time was a catchers chest protector and mask. As I had been playing out, I wasn't wearing a cup. Fat guy on the team screened me and I caught a slapper square in the junk. All of it from tip to taint. I went down face first and I don't think I took a breath for ten minutes. Got home and the girlfriend kindly asked if she could make it better and I told her hell know. Shit was literally black blue and swollen. Pissed hands free for at least a week.

Not too embarrassing. Yet. Fast forward several years and I found a lump on my left nut. Went to my GP who didn't seem too interested in checking it out so she sent me to a urologist. The urologist was Dr. Big Black Man Who Examined My Nuts Like They Had Never Been Examined in My Entire Life. He left no scrotal wrinkle unexplored. So I have that going for me. NTTAWWT.

He ordered an ultrasound. So I go to the lab, do the whole put on the robe routine, and go into the room. I'm greeted by this chick. Couldn't have been more than 24. Very easy on the eyes. She starts prepping me for the procedure. And by prepping, I mean building this nest around my nuts with towels. I'm sitting there doing my best not to chub up and hoping she would stop playing with my nuts soon and the person who would do the ultrasound would come in... because you know, I don't think boners are appropriate in that setting.

Well the person doing the ultrasound was the hot chick. And the ultrasound involved her coating my junk in copious amounts of lube. And then rubbing it all over with her tool while holding my balls against it. Jesus Christ almighty how I didn't come to full attention was beyond me.

Anyway... turns out it is a nodule of scar tissue protruding from the surface of my testicle. I don't know if my boys are swimming or not, but they get in the water when I need them to, and that's all that matters.

by Guest 2016-02-06, 14:33

1985-86 era
========
1st date with the woman I would eventually marry. We're at a house party, never been to this particular house before the owners were friends of friends. Waterford area. The night was going fine, enjoying myself and pounding beers/shots with friends out in the garage. Eventually it was time to piss, I excuse myself and go in the house only to find a line of about 8 women waiting for the bathroom. Being a country boy this wasn't a big deal for me, I headed back to the garage where I'd noticed an exterior door. I assumed I'd slip out that door, piss in the back yard and be back to drinking soon. I unlocked the door, opened it and stepped into the void. Unbeknownst to me they were in the midst of some porch work so it was a 4-5' drop. I landed on the uneven ground and broke my left ankle. Future wife to be had to drive me to the hospital. Ended up in the emergency room in Pontiac getting a cast put on. She then had to drive me home and help me into the house. In retrospect it was a fitting start to what would be a slow motion train wreck of a relationship.

TL:DR Version
Drank heavily, broke ankle, regretted getting the girl.

by **Nordic** 2016-02-06, 14:40

WhiteBoyHatcher wrote:
Nordic wrote:

lol... I was about to post earlier about my back. Nearing the 6 month threshold of it fixing itself vs. surgery. Fucking sucks getting old.

You need to get Ptsmktg a standing desk brah. Seriously. Try it out for a couple of weeks. Buy a portable bar and go buy some cinder blocks at Lowes to adjust for your giganticism. It helps a lot. Sitting all day will fucking kill you.

Compression not good for a herniated disc. Standing/sitting equally bad.

Dr. tTy, any advise? Can you slice open my back and rip on the part that is pinching my spinal cord.

by Sponsored content